Emotional Blackmail: How To Detect And Confront A Blackmailer?
Do you think that someone around you is doing you emotional blackmail? Discover how to identify an emotional manipulator and the psychological keys to combat them and emerge unscathed.
Although it goes very unnoticed, there are many people who use the emotional blackmail to achieve each of your objectives. This form of emotional manipulation can affect our lives in such a way that we even end up suffering from a psychological problem. For this reason, you must know what emotional blackmail consists of and how the blackmailer can harm you.
He emotional blackmail It is being systematically studied due to the dire consequences it has on the victim. These range from physical imbalances, ailments and chronic diseases, to significant psychological imbalances that can lead to suicide.
It develops in three phases: Seduction, Dominion and Destruction. Being a process so well orchestrated that the victim does not even realize what is happening until it is too late. The perverse behavior of manipulator It does not come from a psychiatric disorder, but from a tendency to consider the other as a simple object; Most of them use their charm and abilities to make their way in society, leaving behind hurt people and devastated lives.
A emotional manipulator, is capable of showing himself as a victim in his environment, until he finally comes forward. It is full-fledged predation since its purpose is to appropriate the life of another, a psychic murder that leaves its victim defenseless and without tools to defend themselves. The victim, seduced by her attacker, is really not aware of the existence of this underground violence, and even doubts “Am I not the one who invented all this, as some suggest?”. It is a violence that takes place in the private sphere and that tends to attack the identity of the other and deprive them of all individuality.
The victim is because she has been designated by the pervert, being innocent of the crime for which she is going to pay and whom people see as an accomplice to the aggression she receives. In the seduction phase, the manipulator appears charming, understanding and generous. He is actually collecting data about his victim: his weak points, perhaps childhood traumas, an upbringing based on submission.
In the end, the predator He knows very well where to strike to get what he wants from his victim, who is usually a naive, vital, compassionate person with values that the pervert lacks. The dominance phase then unfolds in all its crudeness, since the victim, wrapped in the spider web that the predator has woven for her, cannot even nor knows how to defend herself: she is prey to feelings such as fear or guilt, assuming as deserved every punishment that the pervert unleashes on her. She even must confront the pathologizing he hears: “You are crazy, you are irresponsible, evil, vengeful….” Domination throws victims into confusion: they do not dare to complain or do not know how to do so. It is as if they were anesthetized, they perceive difficulties in thinking, psychological impoverishment and an amputation of their vitality and spontaneity.
How does emotional blackmail work?
There are different stages in the development of emotional manipulation So much so that all the manipulation techniques of an emotional blackmailer go through the following phases. In this way, Forward and Frazier were able to identify six stages through which emotional blackmail passed.
Demand: In this phase of the psychological manipulation The emotional blackmailer demands from his victim what he wants her to do for him. Furthermore, these requests can be accompanied by a threat that in most cases is ‘hidden’ behind good words.
Endurance: In most cases the victims of emotional manipulation They resist the demand for these blackmails. This is because the blackmail that the manipulative person tries to carry out is usually not very reasonable.
Pressure: During this stage of the manipulation the blackmailer attempts to pressure the victim to perform the action. So much so that it creates insecurity in the person who receives emotional blackmail. It will also end up encouraging the victim to end up wondering if the initial resistance was reasonable.
Threat: In cases where the victim has resisted doing what this is done for emotional blackmail, the blackmailer ends up threatening in a more outright way. In many cases, perhaps they are threats that only the two people understand, making the emotional manipulation unable to be perceived by others.
Compliance: The victim usually gives in to the threat of manipulation and because of the emotional blackmail that you have received. So much so that he agrees and fulfills the purpose of the emotional manipulator.
Repetition of the process: When a emotional manipulator finds his victim, he will most likely end up turning to her when he wants someone to perform an action. So much so that many times escaping from an emotional blackmailer seems impossible for the victim.
In cases that the emotional blackmail is repeated in the same person, it can harm themselves in various aspects of their life. So much so that in many cases manipulation ends up requiring the help of a psychologist due to all the consequences it can leave.
Types of emotional blackmailers
Not only can we find a blackmailer profile Normally, there are various attitudes that these people usually present to carry out their emotional blackmail.
Punishers Threats of retaliation such as keeping the children or leaving you for someone else.
Self-aggressive They threaten to harm themselves or even commit suicide.
The martyrs As if they were a victim, they actually threaten the damage that your action can create for them. These are the blackmailers that can have the most emotional repercussions on your mental health.
Seductive People who present this profile of emotional blackmail try to sell you that your future will be great at their side, that they are capable of giving you happiness, etc.
Symptoms that you are suffering from emotional blackmail
To identify a case of emotional blackmail, there are some feelings or signs that most people present in this type of situation.
You feel afraid: In most cases, a emotional manipulator He will use your fears to achieve your emotional blackmail. So much so that on several occasions you will feel that when you are with this person you feel helpless because of the fears they make you feel.
You always owe him something: A manipulative person He will use any moment to remind you of everything he has done for you. So much so that he will surely remind you of all the sacrifices he has had to make because of you. Furthermore, this type of blackmail is very common in manipulative mothers or fathers or in a narcissistic partner.
You will feel guilty: One of the manipulation techniques The most common in emotional blackmail is making the victim feel guilty for having their own decisions. In many cases, people who receive this emotional manipulation end up feeling very guilty and even to compensate for it, they do much more than what the manipulator initially asked for.
If you have constantly felt this way in a relationship, you may be dealing with a toxic person who is not good for you. In many cases we overlook these attitudes since we have appreciation for the manipulator
What is an emotional blackmailer like?
He emotional blackmailer He knows how much we value the relationship we have with him. He knows us very well and knows what our weak points are. The emotional blackmailer, knowing that we want his love and approval, threatens to deprive us in one way or another or even makes us feel that we must earn them. In most cases there are some traits that can reveal the profile of the emotional blackmailer.
Good speaker: He blackmailer It has a great ability to make us believe that what we are saying is not the norm, in a way that makes us question our own perception of what is really happening.
Is loving: Furthermore, there is usually a big difference between what the blackmailer is doing, and the affectionate and loving way in which he carries out those actions in front of us. For this reason, we often feel confused, disoriented and resentful, since deep down we feel that there are some inconsistencies but we cannot be sure, so we think that we are wrong.
They always have a strategy: People who resort to emotional blackmail They are not aware of what they are doing and do not make a plan to think about how to destroy their victims. Rather, they are people who unconsciously use this behavior to obtain a feeling of security and control. They are full of fears and insecurity. But when they give a signal and we respond immediately, they feel safe and powerful, even if only momentarily and imaginary. He emotional blackmail It is a mechanism that for the blackmailer becomes a defense weapon against pain and insecurity.
They have very good moments: The emotional blackmailer makes us feel bad, guilty. When we live with the blackmailer, the emotional blackmail It eats away at our emotional balance. The blackmailer acts, most of the time with kindness and tenderness and only occasionally resorts to the weapon of blackmail. That is why it is very difficult to detect the appearance of a manipulative scheme of the emotional blackmailer.
They are very intelligent and charismatic: The emotional blackmailers They are very intelligent and have high skills. When someone is blackmailing us, it creates a distortion. It is a strategy of the weak against the strong. The one who is blackmailing makes you look smaller, makes you feel smaller.
If you detect that someone in your environment complies with all these points, you may be dealing with a person who commonly uses the emotional blackmail
How to stop emotional blackmail?
Although the best method to put aside the emotional blackmail received by someone is to distance yourself from them, there are also psychological methods with which you can confront their feelings. emotional manipulation techniques
Change your way of thinking: To face a person like that and know how to manipulate a manipulator The essential thing is to change your perspective and way of thinking. In many cases the manipulator chooses you as a victim because you are a person with too many fears and insecurities. For this reason, perhaps it is a sign for you to go to a psychologist to solve these problems with your self-esteem.
Set limits: When you choose some red lines and follow them, you make the person see emotional manipulator that he can’t play with you. Although it may seem scary at first, the reality is that to overcome toxic behavior you must begin to set these limits.
Face the blackmailer: If during the emotional blackmail You establish certain limits and the manipulator does not give in, it is best to confront him. For example, a good way to do this will be to show that you are not liking their attitude.
Discuss it with your closest circle: A good way to stop a person’s feet emotional manipulator It is by mentioning it to a person who you know will not fail you and who also knows it. This way you will not only be able to check if this emotional blackmail really exists but you will also have an accomplice to stop him during his blackmail.
Ask for psychological help: If you think that the emotional blackmail is causing certain damage to your mental health, it is important to go to a psychologist before the repercussions get worse. This professional will help you stop any blackmailer.
In many cases, emotional blackmail can harm our lives in various areas. So much so that a emotional manipulator He will end up making you adopt a submissive attitude every time you interact with him. At these times, it is essential that you slow down as blackmail can end up harming your mental health.
