Eremophobia (phobia of Loneliness): Symptoms, Causes and Treatment

The human being is a gregarious animal, which requires social contact to survive and thrive in life. Family, partner, friends… all of this is part of our life and is of great importance at all stages of life. Although sometimes we may need to be alone and some people do not need continuous contact, the majority of human beings need and enjoy the company of others.

Thus, the idea of ​​prolonged loneliness is something that generates certain discomfort and suffering. However, some people develop a phobia or panic that is disproportionate to the idea of ​​being alone, even if only for brief periods, leading to panic attacks and physiological symptoms when faced with said fear. This is what happens to people with eremophobia

Phobia of loneliness: eremophobia

Eremophobia is understood as the phobia of loneliness. eremophobia would be classified as a situational specific phobia that is, what causes fear would not be a specific physical element (such as a spider or lightning) but rather a situation or state in which the subject is or can be found: in this case, being alone.

As a phobia, it is a psychological alteration in which an irrational and disproportionate fear appears (often the consideration of this irrationality being recognized by the subject) towards a specific stimulus or situation, in this case being alone.

This fear is so intense that the fact of facing the phobic stimulus or the mere idea of ​​doing so generates such anxiety that it is capable of generating alterations such as cold sweats, dizziness, headaches, tachycardia or breathing problems something that also generates an active avoidance or escape from said situation or stimulus or from what may remind us of it.

In eremophobia, the fear is generally towards loneliness, and it is common for the fear to be physically alone, although it also usually includes the idea of ​​feeling alone despite being surrounded by people.

In this specific case, rumination and obsessive thoughts also usually appear with the possibility of being left alone, clouding the capacity for judgment and rationalization and feeling great anxiety at all times. Even at events where you are accompanied It is common for the anticipatory thought to appear that you are going to be left alone The possibility of being alone with strangers can also generate anxious responses, and the loneliness does not have to be physical.

Symptoms

This level of fear of loneliness can become very disabling, requiring the person to receive constant attention or company and greatly limiting their daily functioning.

Social contact with family, partner and friends may deteriorate, as well as leisure time and work performance (although it will depend on the type of job in question). The affected person will avoid being alone at all costs, and in extreme cases may become totally dependent on someone else’s company. Thus, they will generally seek to meet someone or keep company at all times.

In extreme cases this can lead to histrionic, theatrical behavior and even the feigning of illnesses in order to manipulate their environment, something that once detected will generally generate a distancing from the environment and an increasing isolation of the subject (something in fact totally contrary to what the subject intends).

Likewise, it is also likely that they adopt a position of emotional dependence on their environment, regardless of the treatment they receive, as long as they are not left alone. In fact, beyond the suffering that this phobia generates, one of its most serious possible risks is that the fear of being alone can lead to accepting degrading treatment and even situations of abuse in any of the areas of life, including workplace harassment, sexual harassment. sexual or even intimate partner violence. In some cases, in addition, fear and desperation, irritability and even aggression may appear if they try to leave them alone.

Possible causes

The specific causes of the appearance of this phobia are not completely known, although several hypotheses have been developed in this regard. First of all, it is worth mentioning that the fear of loneliness is common in almost all people, and this normative fear must be distinguished from the existence of a phobia.

One of the theories in this regard tells us that there are some phobias that come from stimuli and situations that we are preprogrammed to fear, being a product of the evolution of the species. If we think, for example, of the phobia of insects or snakes, we can imagine that in ancient times this fear and escape from such stimuli were adaptive to us since they posed a real threat to subsistence. In the case of loneliness the same thing happens: in prehistory a person would only be an easy victim of a predator, with the ability to defend or acquire food being greatly diminished.

Thus, those who stayed in the group and were afraid of being alone had an easier time surviving, passing this trait on to the following generations. If we add to this inherited tendency the existence of some type of stressor or threatening situation linked to being alone, we have a probable breeding ground for the appearance of a phobia or personality disorders such as dependent or histrionic.

Another theory tells us that this phobia is acquired through conditioning: at some point in life Loneliness has been associated with a traumatic event or the feeling of helplessness and lack of control of our lives, and subsequently the fear generated by said moment generalizes to any situation related to loneliness. Frequent examples are cases of children abandoned in childhood by their parents, helpless or those who become orphans at an early age. Bullying or not being able to generate solid friendships can also generate fear of being alone.

It is also important to keep in mind that as a general rule, eremophobia usually appears, as occurs with social phobia, during adolescence and identity formation. At this stage, the deprivation of the company of others or the perception of non-acceptance by the rest makes it difficult to acquire a solid identity, something that in the long run will make it impossible for us to be alone with ourselves and need the company of someone to feel complete. It is also common for this type of phobia to occur in people with poor social skills, lack of self-confidence, insecurity and low self-esteem.

It is also necessary to take into account that the fear of loneliness may ultimately be transmitting a fear of death, of not being able to move forward on one’s own, of failure or of not achieving vital goals (it is common that one of (whether they have a family or social success).

Treatment

Eremophobia is a highly disabling problem for those who suffer from it, but fortunately It is an alteration treatable through psychotherapy

Firstly, it will be necessary to explore what the subject fears about loneliness or the ideas or conceptions they have about it. Likewise, it will be necessary to work on the reason for the need for company, at what moment the patient believes that the fear originated and why, what meaning he gives to the phobia and the expectations and beliefs he has both about himself and about the world or Her future.

Once this is done, it may be advisable to apply therapeutic resources such as cognitive restructuring in order to work on the subject’s beliefs and try to generate explanations about reality and about oneself that are more adaptive than those maintained until now, as well as expectations and demands both regarding the self and the environment.

It will also be useful to work on stress management, social and problem-solving skills, self-esteem and a sense of self-efficacy and autonomy all of which is vital in this type of phobia.

Likewise, and as in almost all phobias, the most effective method in the treatment of phobic symptoms (not so much in its causes, something that should be worked on with methodologies such as the previous ones) is exposure. It would be about making the subject gradually exposed to loneliness, after agreeing with the therapist on a hierarchy of items linked to it to which they will little by little be subjected. It may also be useful to use response prevention, that is, the subject avoids seeking company at the time of the onset of anxiety.