Fear of Marriage: 7 Steps to Overcome Gamophobia

Fear of marriage is more common than we think. Getting married involves a very important commitment in our lives and we need to know how to face it.

He fear of marriage It is an irrational fear of “yes I want”. Whether due to not being prepared to assume the degree of commitment it requires, due to the social pressures it implies or having suffered bad experiences or previous failures, this type of fear that can become a phobia is relatively common. Although for some people marriage is a purely legal step, for others getting married entails too important responsibilities and either they do not want to assume them or they need more time to assimilate them.

Be that as it may, the truth is that the number of weddings in our country does not stop decreasing. The provisional data on marriage rates in 2018 presented by the INE (National Statistics Institute) reflect a decrease of 5.9% compared to the previous year in the number of marriages. This fact, together with multiple other factors, reflects that the tendency towards lifelong commitment that marriage symbolizes is in decline. We’ll see what it is the fear of getting married the causes surrounding it and how to overcome the fear of marriage in small steps.

Gamophobia or fear of marriage

The uncontrolled and irrational fear of marriage has its own name: gamophobia Like many other phobias, the word comes from Greek in which “gamos” means marriage and “phobos”” fear or fear.

Many people can live with a partner for years without wanting to get married, but if the main reason for not doing so is fear and if this occurs just by thinking about the word marriage, we have to face it. In some cases it is also necessary to seek professional help. It is common that those who suffer gamophobia Avoid talking about it with your partner and postpone taking the step, but when you have to face it, you get into a state of nervousness and overwhelm that makes you run away. Gamophobia can affect mental health and cause states of anxiety, stress and even panic attacks which will only make the situation worse. That is why identifying the fear of marriage and getting to work to find solutions is the best way to overcome it.

Why am I afraid of getting married?

Why am I afraid of getting married? What’s wrong with committing to the person you love? Why am I afraid of marriage? The responses to suffering from gamophobia They are diverse and can be due to the influence of the outside world and socially accepted norms, to not analyzing what we really want for our lives or to the experiences we have suffered previously.

Some of the most frequent fears of fear of getting married They are marked by the influence of the outside. Negative messages regarding married life, routine or the end of passion have affected us since time immemorial and should not have such an influence. Obviously, many marriages go wrong but many others are strengthened after increasing their level of commitment.

The most common causes of fear of marriage among young people lie in the impossibility of living certain experiences for themselves. being tied to a traditional partner There are others who do not want to join a single partner because they love seduction, it makes them feel alive and renewed, or they are afraid of failing.

Causes of fear of getting married

So, specifically, we can say that gamophobia or fear of getting married can be caused by any of these reasons:

• Social pressure: If we take tradition into account, at an age it seems that society pushes us to take this step. If you have never considered getting married nor have you developed a real desire to do so, it is likely that this phobia will haunt you when you hear questions or attend nearby weddings. It is very important to ignore the context and think about what we really want.
• Comments or ridicule regarding the negative side of marriage: It is very common to joke about the state of married people, the loss of their individual freedom or the sacrifices of a life together. Obviously, each couple is different and we must not let this affect us to the level of increasing the fear of getting married.
• Doubts regarding the relationship: If the time comes that one of the two wants to get married and the other begins to suffer from fear of marriage, there is the possibility that these arise due to doubts about how the relationship is evolving and fears about the future they hope for together.
• Fear to fail: As has already been said previously, if you have had failures in previous relationships It is common to be afraid of committing again and that this relationship will end like the previous one. Furthermore, this fear, that of being afraid of getting married, can come from childhood or youth, if the person suffered frequent conflicts between their parents or experienced a traumatic divorce. This fear is increased to avoid repeating roles in their possible marriage in the present.

How it affects men

He fear of marriage in men It has a greater incidence due to traditional social reasons such as economic pressure, environmental pressure or, in some cases, emotional immaturity or the so-called Peter Pan syndrome.

Even so, it is not a problem that only affects men. the fear of getting married It is common in women and more so among younger women, who also noticeably experience fear of marriage.

How it affects women

Regarding the fear of getting married in women, Dr. Soria tells us that they usually have other reasons. “There are more and more women who detest the traditional role to which married women are subjected and this generates gamophobia, so they unconsciously boycott all their partners.”. That is, again, they are influenced by tradition and the social and cultural pressure of what marriage has meant throughout history and they are not able to imagine it with their own rules or different perspectives.

How to overcome fear of marriage?

On many occasions, people who suffer with dread the meaning of your fear of marriage, they usually feel very reluctant to tell others. Therefore, here you will find some tools that will help you improve gamophobia or fear of marriage.

1. Evaluate your relationships: Sometimes, the fear of marriage comes from evaluating relationships and past failures, both one’s own and those of parents, family members or friends that could mark reality. Assess how these experiences affected other marriages and try to glimpse where that may come from. fear of getting married
2. Recognize fear: Once confirmed that you suffer fear of marriage learn to name fears, know them and talk about them with your partner and with other married people so that they can share their experiences.
3. Consider if it is the ideal couple: It is necessary to consider Why was that couple chosen to get married? If she is the right one, how do you imagine the future with her, always without forgetting that we all have virtues and defects and that throughout a life as a couple there are always good and bad moments. It is important to have a realistic and not idealized vision.
4. Leave perfectionism behind: Draw a mental image of what marriage should be like based on your reality, desires, values ​​and shared needs, but taking into account that perfection does not exist in any couple.
5. Become aware of individual needs: Be aware of individual needs and share fears that marriage means losing them Seek a balance between individual needs and those of the couple so that both members are satisfied with life together. Sometimes the fear of marriage can be preceded by a certain emotional dependence on the part of your partner.
6. Don’t be afraid of failure: One way to overcome the fear of being a father or mother, or the fear of marriage, is to put words to the concept of failure in marriage and what a possible future divorce would mean.
7. Refute your fears: The main causes of divorce are related to money, values ​​and children, so reaching agreements and giving answers to these questions before getting married can be a good method of preventing future arguments. Make long-term commitments.

Seek help from a professional to address fear of marriage in couples therapy. For overcome fear of marriage You have to learn to cope with it. It is necessary to be aware of the problem and its possible causes and, once assumed, we must try to use new strategies. Avoiding it does not solve the problem. The communication in the couple You must be direct and sincere in cases like this.

Couples therapy to overcome gamophobia

Couples therapy is an alternative for those who have already tried everything or those who do not know how to communicate successfully. To combat the fear of getting married, it is very useful since it will serve to identify areas of concern that have caused that fear and will help solve them. We explain what couples therapy is in this video.

At the end of the day everything is a matter of self-confidence: “Fear is an emotion that appears when a situation of threat and danger is perceived. When fear arises in the face of pleasurable experiences that bring happiness -explains the doctor-, we are facing a irrational fear which can cause a lot of dissatisfaction and frustration if one does not try to face and combat it from a positive recognition of the abilities and difficulties that one possesses. Valuing yourself more will strengthen security in the actions and decisions you make.”.

The couples therapies They solve a lot of these types of irrational fears such as the fear of marriage, they help communication, strengthen the ties between the two members and identify problems in order to solve them towards a more fulfilling life.