From Friends To Boyfriends: Testing The Limits Of The Friendzone
There is an unwritten law that seems to establish an unbreakable principle of human relationships: lovers can be friends, but friends can’t be lovers This rule has become so entrenched in our collective imagination that it can even be labeled with a word that comes from English: friendzone that is, the relationship framework in which two people know each other so much without having been romantically involved that they will no longer have the opportunity to date as a couple, have sex, or let the relationship continue to develop into more intimate areas.
And, in fact, in another article we asked ourselves a question similar (or perhaps opposite) to today’s: can friendship exist between a man and a woman? That is, are we humans capable of having relationships of sincere friendship with people of the opposite sex to whom we could potentially feel attracted?
But, as for today’s topic… To what extent does this friendzone rule exist and work? Are we really prone to an irremediable lack of romantic or sexual interest in the other person when a while has passed without anything having arisen?
If this is true, no relationship between lovers could work if time had passed between the moment these two people met and the point at which they began to meet for something else, but furthermore, that would mean that if one of the two parties would like to deepen their relationship with the other would have a great chance of facing the rejection
It seems that Yeah An investigation whose results have been published in the journal Psychological Science seems to point towards the fragility of the limits of the friend zone. The team that carried out this study analyzed the cases of 167 pairs of lovers (whose members could be married or not). Specifically, they measured how long these couples had been dating, the length of time from when they met until they started dating, and the degree of attractiveness of each member of the couple. They were able to measure the latter using a group of students as a jury in charge of rating each person from 1 to 7.
Interestingly, the researchers detected a correlation between the disparity in the attractiveness of each member of the couple and the period of time between when they met and when they started dating Specifically, couples whose members were more similar in terms of attractiveness took less time to start dating, while in cases in which one of the two was significantly more attractive than the other, the opposite occurred: they took longer to start a relationship. more intimate.
The limit seemed to be around the nine months that elapsed between the moment the first conversations began and the time that corresponds to the beginning of a relationship as lovers. On average, couples who had started dating before those nine months They had a similar degree of attractiveness and the opposite occurred with the rest of the cases.
This discovery, although it does not deny the possibility that there may be a certain tendency towards the maintenance of frienzone in a large part of friendly relations, it does show its chiaroscuros In many cases, the friendzone may be nothing more than an expression of a lack of attraction at an early stage caused by a perceived difference in the other person’s attractiveness. However, deepening this friendship could compensate for this initial rejection and lead to a more intimate relationship once certain obstacles have been overcome.
The conclusion of this study It seems to be an affirmation and at the same time a denial of the friendzone He affirms it because it shows an interaction between the amount of time spent with nothing more than a friendship existing and a variable related to the search for a partner and the selection of possible sexual companions, but he denies it by showing that this temporary wall can be broken.
Despite this, there remains much to investigate about these successfully consolidated relationships that seem to have overcome the friendzone phase. It is not known, for example, what role the prejudices in the first months of friendship, and if these are a powerful brake on the creation of a relationship as lovers. It is also not clear whether this nine-month period should be understood as a stage in which one person pursues the other and a clear rejection occurs, or if at the beginning there are no intentions of advancing further in the relationship on either side due to , perhaps, to the lack of expectations due to the perceived difference in the attractiveness of each member of the relationship). Furthermore, it is doubtful that each of the parties has a criterion similar to that of the student jury used in this investigation when judging their own attractiveness and that of the other person.
We also don’t know very well if This correlation is due to unconscious tendencies or if they are part of a conscious strategy Perhaps, one of the two people takes some time before trying to take the step in their relationship with the other to try to reduce the chances of rejection.
The boundaries between friendship and love are very blurry.
Anyway, The boundary between friendship and romantic relationship seems to be blurred, as much as attractiveness may play a role in this one. It is possible that what is popularly known as the friendzone is nothing more than another component of those purely culturally rooted norms with which we try to put a certain order in our style of relating and, in fact, some surveys, like this one, also seem to indicate this.
For now, it would be advisable to be cautious and not take this study as irrefutable proof of the logic that governs the transition from friendship to sex or romantic relationship. Ultimately, that would mean accepting a principle as valid, that of the friend zone, which has not yet been validated.
