A few months ago, on the cusp of the greatest pain I had ever personally experienced, I received one of those well-intentioned phrases that stirred emotions I had not experienced before; “It’s good that as a thanatologist it won’t hurt as much and you’ll get over it sooner than the rest of us.” I still feel the echo of these words drilling in my head.
Death is one of those experiences that psychologists, thanatologists, doctors, and health professionals in general deal with in an artificially developed and called professional and vicarious way, but that does not escape the life experience that one has or will have in life. some moment in one’s own life, since dying is the natural consequence of being alive, and that is why It is important to know how to manage grief due to the death of a loved one or at least being able to have the resources to go through those moments in the best possible way.
Losing a close loved one not only disrupts what you think about yourself and your purpose in life, but also compromises the stability of what has been built throughout an experience accompanying grieving processes. But What happens when the loss expert doesn’t accept your losses? What happens when pain rethinks the way one deals with an absence? What to do when the medicine does not comfort the same doctor who recommends it?
Of course, part of the treatment is requesting the treatment itself. However, This will not prevent the very pain of loss ; and firsthand, discovering that it does not necessarily prevent each of the stages of grief, each of those dark thoughts and each of those stages of anger against life from appearing and leaving their mark as they pass.
What can be done when there is a need for comfort in this situation?
The most powerful tool we people have to repair ourselves, rebuild ourselves, reorganize ourselves and console ourselves is the emotional and physical closeness of another human being Trust in contact, the privacy that intimacy provides and the certainty of being heard is the most effective medicine, although not necessarily immediate, to soften the ravages of the irremediable.
If you ever have someone at your side who relates in any way to the pain of others professionally, directly or indirectly, I can tell you that they need the same comforting hug and the same interested ear as any other human going through the experience of losing. a loved one like any other person, with no direct relationship to the subject professionally.
If any occasion happens to you, remember that The experience of grief does not correspond to a standard or generalizable experience The experience of grief due to death is unique, incomparable and inevitable at some point in life, so leaning on a loved and empathetic being will be the best remedy.
Coping with grief over death
If you have the honor and the opportunity to accompany someone in this process directly, professionally or non-professionally, it is necessary to be open so that expression free of prejudices flows and emotions fulfill their function of beginning to organize the interior cracked by the trauma. And, above all, take into account that common sense, respect for the uniqueness of the experience, as well as shared silence, although in everyday life they are disregarded, in these cases, are the syrup that facilitates the digestion of the most bitter. of the experience of loss through death.
Of course, thanatological or psychotherapeutic support is desired although not essential to overcome a loss due to death. Go to the professional if possible, if not, look for the company of someone you trust to support you in the most difficult moments of grief. In case you do not find any consolation or your grief becomes increasingly suffocating, you should go to a professional properly prepared to accompany you with respect, dignity and openness.
