Grooming: A New Danger For Teenagers On The Internet
A few weeks ago the movie “You Can Trust Me” was televised (“Trust” in the English version).
This interesting film faithfully describes a case of Grooming This relatively new phenomenon, Grooming, refers to the deception and sexual harassment suffered by minors online by adults. The film reflects how what a family has built for years is destroyed by a stranger in an instant. The online stranger gains the trust of a 14-year-old girl, Annie, by posing as a 16-year-old teenager and taking advantage of the girl’s age-related insecurities.
Grooming: a new danger for teenagers (Spoiler warning)
Warning, if anyone wants to see the movie, do not continue reading because it addresses the issue of Grooming. I will use several elements of the film’s plot to facilitate understanding of the phenomenon Sexual abuse of minors is an issue that worries the entire society, a problem that, although it is quite frequent, is usually covered in clichés and stereotypes that contribute to making it more invisible. When we talk about sexual abuse of minors, the collective imagination mistakenly reminds us that abuse involves the use of force and physical violence. And it’s not always like that.
The film reminds us, very correctly, that when we refer to sexual abuse against minors, a prior attack does not necessarily have to occur, since The adult can use mechanisms of emotional manipulation, deception and blackmail These mechanisms cover the adult’s intentionality, which is clearly sexual and illegitimate. With this type of maneuver, the aggressor manages to gain the trust and affection of the minor: “He is interested in me”, “he loves me”. This can lead to the relationship becoming physical, leading to sexual assault.
Adults who manipulate and gain the trust of children
The unknown adult, called “Charlie” in the film, He has woven a web of manipulations for more than two months to gain the minor’s trust , with the aim of preparing the ground and perpetrating the abuse. “He has been preparing her for this moment.” With these words the FBI agent responds to Annie’s father (Clive Owen) when he asks the angry agent “Did my daughter resist?” “Did she ask for help?” A father who represents public opinion, given that he is completely convinced that abuse must involve physical violence, and does not understand how his intelligent 14-year-old daughter has been put in this situation, deceived and manipulated by Charlie.
We observed the same in the three families that lend themselves to an experiment by the youtuber Coby Persin , to demonstrate the risk that minors suffer from being victims of this type of sexual criminals. The fathers and mothers of the children fully trust that their daughters (12 to 14 years old) will not agree to open the door during the night or get into the vehicle of an unknown “teenager.”
How can we as parents prevent our child from being a victim of grooming?
It is evident that the key is to prevent deception , explaining the risks that exist on the Internet and informing about the security measures available, insisting that they should not meet strangers no matter how much our young people believe that they are not strangers or strangers because they have chatted for a few days. One of the best indications is to be cautious, distrust the good words of strangers and apply common sense.
But we will only make adolescents and pre-adolescents aware of these types of cases by encouraging them to develop critical thinking , just like it happened to us when we stopped believing one hundred percent what we saw on television. We must get them to question the age, personality and intentions of unknown people who contact them over the internet. We must warn our children that it is neither correct nor acceptable for a stranger to ask them to meet secretly, and that such a date can have terrible consequences.
We must also inform them that, if they finally decide to meet that person, They should always be accompanied by another person who can help them in case something strange happens And a long list of recommendations that police and educational institutions have already indicated and that we must remember to make our children aware of the potential dangers they may run if they are too gullible.
What makes minors feel attached to their potential abuser?
But let’s continue analyzing the film. What makes it so that when Annie discovers that Charlie has lied about her age, she forgives him and continues to expose herself to a risky situation? The answer is a combination of three factors: trust, insecurity and age difference Therefore, we are talking about emotional and cognitive competencies that advantage the adult over the minor.
There is an asymmetry between the two and an abuse of power occurs The trust, which Charlie has earned by giving him all the attention by chat and phone, and Annie’s insecurity, very typical of the stage of puberty, are the elements that facilitate contact and “friendship” between them. Annie wants to fit in, be liked, and does her best at school. And Charlie ends up eclipsing all of her attention by taking an interest in everything that affects the girl, giving a false image of himself that she fantasizes about and hiding that her interest in her is solely sexual.
A key moment in the film is when they both meet and She cries when she finds out that he had deceived her by telling her his age At that moment, Charlie accuses her and holds her responsible for lying, reproaching her that she had not told him her real age because she knew she would react immaturely. Therefore, the adult uses a perverse psychological manipulation that prevents Annie from recognizing her assertive rights, such as the right to get angry and leave, to say no, etc. And if that were not enough, he again transfers the guilt to her, pretending that they have “something special” and adopting paternalistic attitudes to get her to agree to his demands.
Another key: improve trust between parents and children
He social group of equals (classmates and friends, for example) has an important role in the development of identity and self-esteem of minors, and it is difficult to influence this. But precisely because of this decisive influence we must be attentive and receptive and try to reinforce and positively influence our children, promoting communication with them.
Some generic recommendations are the following:
Practical guides to improve our skills as parents
There are many guides on Psychology and Mind on advice for fathers and mothers. Consult them, and do not forget that although it may seem like a remote risk, we all have a computer with an internet connection. I share with you right below one that seems essential to me:
