Having Children: Synonymous with Happiness?

It’s 3:07 a.m. and you are standing in a dark hallway in one sock, swaying with a hot, damp, furious weight against your chest, whispering a made-up song for the ninth time. Tomorrow someone will ask how fatherhood or motherhood is going, and you will say “amazing,” and you will mean it, and you will also fantasize about eight consecutive hours of sleep the way other people fantasize about islands. Down the hall, a friend who chose not to have children is sleeping like a stone, booked on a trip, quietly wondering if she’s missing the one thing everyone says matters most.

The old script says that children and happiness are practically synonyms. The research says something far more interesting and far less tidy. Parents are not reliably happier than non-parents; in some countries they are measurably less happy, in others they are not, and in the best studies the answer turns on money, time, sleep, relationships and support. Children also bring things that happiness scales barely capture: meaning, love, purpose, and a kind of fierce, inconvenient attachment.

Happiness and meaning are not the same currency, and the confusion between them fuels most of the arguments you will hear at dinner parties.

This article asks whether having children is synonymous with happiness, laying out what large studies, reviews and daily-life research find, why the results seem to contradict each other, and what that means for people deciding, doubting or already deep in the diaper years.

It is written for parents, prospective parents and people who have decided not to be parents, with no verdict on any of them.

Do children make people happier, or not?

Neither, as a general rule. The research finds that parenthood is associated with both more joy and more distress, and that whether parents come out happier than non-parents depends on circumstances such as financial strain, sleep, relationship quality, social support and national policies. “Do kids make you happy?” is the wrong question, and the best researchers say so.

Psychologist S. Katherine Nelson, Kostadin Kushlev and Sonja Lyubomirsky reviewed the evidence in a 2014 article in Psychological Bulletin, “The pains and pleasures of parenting.” They noted that the literature is mixed: some studies find parents happier than non-parents, others find the reverse. They argued that asking whether parents are more or less happy is not the most meaningful question. Instead, they proposed a model of why and when. Parents are unhappy, they suggested, to the extent that they encounter greater negative emotions, magnified financial problems, more sleep disturbance and troubled marriages. By contrast, when parents experience greater meaning in life, satisfaction of basic needs, more positive emotions and enhanced social roles, they report happiness and joy.

That framing explains much of the confusion in the headlines. A study that mostly captures exhausted parents of infants in a country with little support will find a gap. A study of older parents in a country with generous leave and cheap child care may find none, or even a plus. Both are right about their sample.

The authors reviewed three types of evidence: comparisons of parents and non-parents, studies that follow people through the transition to parenthood, and studies comparing parents’ moods during time with their children against other daily activities. Each method answers a different question, and each has limits. Comparing parents with non-parents cannot separate the effect of children from differences in who becomes a parent. Following people through the transition is better but tends to cover short periods. Daily-mood studies capture moments, not meaning.

Take Maya, 33, who has a four-month-old and an unpredictable partner schedule, and her sister Priya, 36, who has a seven-year-old, a flexible job and a grandmother down the street. Both say their children are the best thing in their lives. Only one reports feeling happy most days. The children aren’t the difference.

So the answer to the title is: no, not synonymous. Often joined, sometimes in tension, always dependent on context.

How do parents feel moment to moment compared with other daily activities?

Often more strained than they expect, according to research that samples ordinary days. In a 2004 study in Science, psychologist Daniel Kahneman and colleagues introduced the Day Reconstruction Method, in which participants reconstruct the previous day episode by episode and rate how they felt during each one. In a sample of 909 employed women in Texas, caring for children ranked lower in average enjoyment than most other activities, below most social and leisure activities.

That result became a staple of “kids make you miserable” articles. It deserves a more careful reading. The study measured moment-to-moment affect, not overall life satisfaction or meaning, and the sample was a particular group of working women in one city. Child care in this data included the least pleasant parts of the day (the morning rush, bath time, homework battles) more than the best parts (a hug at the end of a long day). Parents also report that what they feel in the moment can differ sharply from how they evaluate their lives afterward.

A later body of work refined the picture. Studies using time-use surveys and experience sampling find that parents’ feelings during child care vary by activity, with interactive activities such as play and conversation rated as more meaningful and less stressful than routine tasks, and by the age of the child and the parent’s gender. In a national US time-use survey, for example, mothers tended to experience child care as more stressful than fathers did, and fathers as slightly more meaningful; interactive care was more meaningful than routine care.

The lesson is that the emotional experience of parenting is made of moments that differ enormously. A parent can be depleted at 6 p.m. and moved to tears at 8. The label “happy” or “unhappy” flattens the shape of a day.

It also helps to separate experienced well-being (how you feel as life happens) from evaluative well-being (how you judge your life when you reflect on it). Parenting tends to lower the first on average, especially in the early years, while many parents rate the second highly because they judge their lives by what matters to them, not by what is pleasant.

Imagine Jonas, 41, who tracks his mood for a week for fun. His worst ratings cluster around the school-run morning and the bedtime negotiation. His best is a ten-minute walk with his daughter after dinner, which does not appear in his idea of “parenting” at all.

What would your day look like if you reconstructed it hour by hour?

Is the real reward of children meaning rather than happiness?

Many parents say so, and some evidence supports them. Sociologist Thomas Hansen reviewed the literature in 2012 under the pointed title “Parenthood and happiness: A review of folk theories versus empirical evidence.” He examined popular beliefs, such as that children make people happier, that having children is a source of lasting well-being, and that those without children will regret it, and compared them with the research. His conclusion was that the folk theory finds little consistent support: studies do not show that parents are generally happier, and the picture varies by country, stage and measure.

Yet Hansen’s review and others also point to benefits that are not captured by simple happiness scales. Parents often report a stronger sense of purpose, a feeling that life is meaningful, and deep emotional bonds. The effect on meaning in life is among the more consistent positive findings in the literature, as Nelson and colleagues noted. A parent may rate a given day as stressful and still say that her life has never felt more worthwhile.

Why would meaning and happiness come apart? Psychologists distinguish between hedonic well-being, the balance of pleasant and unpleasant feelings, and eudaimonic well-being, the sense of living a purposeful, engaged life. Children are a strong source of the second and a mixed source of the first. A child gives you someone to care for, a story that extends beyond yourself and a reason to get up on days when you would rather not. They also give you sleepless nights, noise, worry and a long-term bill.

Two cautions. First, meaning is available through many routes: work, community, creative projects, caregiving for other people, faith, friendships and activism. People without children report meaning from these sources, and nothing in the research says that children are the only path. Second, studies that find meaning in parenthood often rely on self-report from people who have already chosen it, and people tend to justify their major life choices. That does not make the meaning less real, but it makes comparisons with the childless harder.

Picture Aroha, 58, whose adult son lives overseas and calls on Sundays. She would tell you that raising him was the hardest job of her life and the one she is proudest of. Ask her whether those years were “happy” and she laughs. Ask her whether they were worth it and she doesn’t hesitate.

It might be more useful to ask what kind of good you hope a life will contain, and whether children are one of the ways you want to build it.

What happens to relationships after a baby arrives?

On average, couples report lower relationship satisfaction after having children, though the drop is modest and many couples do well. The best evidence comes from a meta-analysis by psychologist Jean M. Twenge, W. Keith Campbell and Craig A. Foster, published in 2003 in the Journal of Marriage and Family. Pooling 97 studies, they found that parents reported lower marital satisfaction than non-parents, and that the difference was larger for mothers than for fathers. It was larger among people with more children and among those in more recent cohorts. Satisfaction was lowest among parents of infants.

The effect size was small to moderate, which means that the typical couple isn’t doomed, but the pattern was reliable. The authors discussed possible reasons, including the division of labor, sleep deprivation, reduced time together and conflict over parenting roles. The data were largely cross-sectional, so they compared parents with non-parents in the same period, not the same couples before and after.

Several features of daily life help explain the dip. Housework and child-care tasks pile up, and in many households they are divided unevenly, with mothers carrying more of the mental load. Sleep loss makes everyone short-tempered. Intimacy and shared hobbies shrink. The couple relationship, once the center of life, becomes the logistics department.

Yet relationships can also deepen. Many couples describe a stronger sense of partnership, shared purpose and admiration after watching each other become parents. The research on what predicts which way a relationship goes is fairly consistent: couples who share the workload fairly, who keep talking about feelings and not just schedules, and who protect some time for each other tend to fare better.

These patterns are not limited to heterosexual couples. Same-sex couples, adoptive parents, single parents and blended families face the same pressures with differences in resources, support and stigma. Research on these groups is smaller, but suggests that the quality of the partnership and the amount of social support matter more than the biology of parenthood.

Take Elena, 35, and Marco, 37. In the first year with their son, their conversations shrank to who changed the last diaper. A friend suggested a weekly twenty-minute check-in that was not allowed to be about logistics. It felt silly. After two months, Elena said it was the part of the week she looked forward to most.

The practical takeaway is modest: the transition is a stress test for a relationship, and relationships can be coached through it.

How much do money and time pressure explain the happiness gap?

A great deal, according to research that tries to explain why parents often report lower life satisfaction. Sociologist Michael Pollmann-Schult examined this in a 2014 paper in the Journal of Marriage and Family, titled “Parenthood and life satisfaction: Why don’t children make people happy?” Using longitudinal data from a large German panel study, he found that the negative association between having children and life satisfaction was largely explained by the financial costs and the time constraints that children bring. Once these pressures were taken into account, the picture of parenthood looked much more positive.

That is an intuitive finding. Children cost money, directly through food, housing and child care, and indirectly through lost income when a parent cuts hours. They also consume time: fewer hours for sleep, friends, exercise and hobbies. Pollmann-Schult’s analysis suggested that it is the squeeze, not the children themselves, that drags satisfaction down. Parents who experienced fewer financial strains and less time pressure were happier.

Two points deserve emphasis. The data came from one country and one period, and Germany’s family policies differ from many others, so the size of the effect elsewhere could be different. And the analysis was statistical: it cannot prove that eliminating financial and time pressure would turn every parent’s gloom into joy. Still, it matches the broader pattern in the field that the context of parenthood matters more than the fact of it.

Think about what the “costs” really involve. Money worries produce chronic stress, which is bad for sleep, mood and relationships. Time pressure, especially in households where both adults work, creates a feeling of being perpetually behind. Parents describe a “second shift” of evening and weekend work, and a mental load of remembering, scheduling and anticipating that never ends.

For some families, practical solutions exist: sharing the mental load more evenly, trimming commitments, negotiating flexible work, using child care without guilt, or leaning on relatives and neighbors. For others, the pressures are structural and can’t be solved by better habits. Treating a policy problem as a personal failing is both inaccurate and unkind.

Picture Anil, 38, a delivery driver, and his wife Sunita, 36, a part-time cashier, with two children under five. They are not unhappy with their children. They are unhappy with the rent, the shift schedule and the thirty-minute commute to a child-care place they can barely afford. On a day when both shifts are cancelled, they have the best afternoon of the month.

The children did not change. The squeeze did.

Does where you live change whether parents are happy?

Yes, remarkably. Sociologists Jennifer Glass, Robin W. Simon and Matthew A. Andersson compared parents and non-parents in 22 wealthy countries in a 2016 paper in the American Journal of Sociology. They analyzed data from large international surveys and found considerable variation in the “parenthood gap” in happiness. The United States showed the largest disadvantage for parents, and in several countries the gap was small or absent. In a few, such as Norway and Hungary, parents were actually happier than non-parents.

Why? The researchers proposed that parenting is a stressor that can be buffered by institutional support. They tested whether work-family reconciliation policies explained the differences, including paid parental leave, paid sick and vacation days, flexible work schedules and subsidized child care. More generous policies, particularly paid time off and child-care subsidies, were associated with smaller happiness gaps between parents and non-parents. In countries with the strongest policy packages, the negative association between parenthood and happiness essentially disappeared.

Two further findings stand out. First, the policies that helped parents did not reduce the happiness of non-parents; on the contrary, generous paid leave and cheap child care were associated with higher happiness in the whole population. Second, simply giving parents cash had less effect than giving them tools to combine work and family life. Gender made little difference: fathers’ happiness was slightly more sensitive to the cost of child care, and mothers’ to paid leave, but these gaps were minor.

The findings have limits worth noting. This is cross-national, correlational research, and countries differ in countless ways beyond policy, including culture, social norms, income and work patterns. The authors used statistical controls, but they cannot rule out all alternative explanations. The sample consisted of rich countries, and the results may not apply to poorer ones. Still, the central message is striking: the “happiness penalty” for parents is not a law of nature.

It’s also a useful corrective to individual guilt. A parent in a high-penalty country who feels overwhelmed is not necessarily worse at parenting than a parent in a low-penalty country. She may simply be doing the same job with less support.

Consider two cousins, Nora in Oslo and Kayla in a mid-sized American city, both with toddlers. Nora has paid leave she used for ten months and a subsidized nursery near her office. Kayla returned to work after six weeks and pays more for child care than for her car. Their toddlers are equally delightful. Their evenings are not.

Happiness, in this light, is partly a policy outcome.

Who is more likely to feel happy as a parent?

People with more resources, support and choice, as a rule. Research on moderators of the parenthood-happiness link points to several factors that shift the odds. None of them is a guarantee, and many are outside an individual’s control, but they help explain why experiences differ so widely.

• Financial security: fewer money worries mean less chronic stress and more capacity to enjoy time with children.
• Partner and social support: a fair division of labor, a good relationship and help from relatives or friends are among the strongest predictors of parental well-being.
• Planned, wanted parenthood: parents who chose the timing and felt ready tend to adjust better than those facing an unplanned or unwanted pregnancy.
• Age and life stage: some studies find that older, more established parents report higher well-being, though findings are mixed and depend on the country and measure.
• Child temperament and health: a baby with colic, a child with a chronic illness or a disability, or a very intense temperament raises the daily demands, and parents’ stress levels follow.
• Sleep and mental health: persistent sleep loss, depression and anxiety, in either parent, strongly shape how parenthood feels.

Nelson and colleagues made a related point in their review: parents are more likely to experience happiness when parenthood meets their psychological needs, offers meaning and sits within strong social roles, and less likely when it adds financial strain and sleep problems. Nothing here says that people with fewer resources love their children less. It says that love and ease are different things.

Gender and caregiving arrangements matter too. In many couples, mothers still do more of the unpaid work, and mothers more often report stress and exhaustion in surveys. Fathers who share the load tend to describe more connection to their children. Single parents, who carry everything alone, often report high stress, and also high pride.

It’s worth remembering that averages hide individuals. Many people with limited resources are fulfilled parents, and many with abundant resources are miserable. The factors above shift probabilities, not destinies.

Imagine Dmitri, 44, a single father of twins who works nights. He reports high stress and has days when he is close to tears with fatigue. He also describes his children as the reason he does everything. Both are true, and a researcher measuring only one would misunderstand him.

If you recognize several of the stress factors above in your own life, the useful response is not self-blame. It is to ask which of them can be eased.

What about people who choose not to have children, and what about regret?

The research does not show that childfree adults are generally unhappy or lonely, and it does not show that parents are generally regretful. The picture, again, depends on choice, circumstances and who is asked. Both groups include people who are thriving and people who are struggling.

Studies that compare parents and non-parents often find small or inconsistent differences in life satisfaction, as the review literature discussed above suggests. Some non-parents are voluntarily childfree by conviction, some are childless because of infertility, circumstances or a missing partner, and some are undecided. These groups differ markedly. Voluntarily childfree people tend to report satisfaction similar to that of parents, whereas people who wanted children and could not have them often report distress and grief. Treating “non-parents” as one group blurs the distinction.

A common worry is regret in later life. The evidence here is thinner than stereotypes suggest. Most parents report that they would choose to have their children again, and most childfree adults who chose that path report few regrets. But a minority in each group wishes things had gone differently. Research on parents who regret becoming parents is limited and sensitive; qualitative studies show that some parents love their children while wishing they had not become parents, and they often feel unable to say so. That experience is rarely discussed because of the social taboo around it.

Another stereotype claims that childfree adults will be lonely in old age. Social support in later life depends more on the quality of relationships and community ties than on having children. Adult children can be central to care, but not always, and people without children often build networks of friends, siblings, neighbors and chosen family. Planning for care, finances and companionship matters for everyone.

Social pressure complicates the picture. People who decide not to have children often face questions, assumptions and judgment, and parents are sometimes told they have “lost themselves.” Both groups can feel misunderstood.

Picture Linh, 39, who has decided against children and is tired of being told she will change her mind. She has a close circle of friends, a niece she adores and a job she loves. She wonders if there will be a day when she wishes she had chosen differently. She also knows that every road has such days.

Whatever the path, the research suggests that fit, choice and support matter more than the label.

How can you decide whether to have children without relying on the happiness myth?

Treat happiness as one factor among several and ask better questions. No study can tell you how you will feel, because the averages hide huge differences between individuals. What research can do is point to the factors that tend to matter, and suggest questions that are more useful than “Will I be happy?”

1. Ask what you actually want. Do you want to raise a child, or do you want what you imagine parenting looks like? Picture a typical Tuesday, not just the birthday party.
2. Look at the resources. Consider money, housing, work flexibility, health, the partner relationship and the people who could help. Be specific about who would do what.
3. Talk about the division of labor. If you have a partner, discuss leave, night shifts, child-care costs and the mental load before the baby arrives, and revisit the plan afterward.
4. Check your meaning sources. What gives your life purpose now? Which of those would you keep? What would you be willing to give up?
5. Consider your mental health. A history of depression or anxiety does not rule out parenthood, but it is worth planning for support, sleep and early treatment.
6. Allow ambivalence. Many people feel both pulled and afraid, and that is not a sign of a wrong decision. A trusted friend, a counselor or a doctor can help you sort through it.

Beware of two traps. The first is the “regret minimization” story, in which you try to guess which choice you’ll regret less. Predictions of future feelings are notoriously unreliable, and we adapt to circumstances more than we expect. The second is the “perfect timing” myth. There will rarely be a moment when everything is ready, and waiting for one may close options. The aim is a good enough fit, with eyes open.

Social media makes the decision harder. Photos of tidy nurseries and joyful holidays are as unrepresentative as photos of exhausted parents. Talk to real people at different stages, including some who tell you the unglamorous parts, and some who tell you the joy.

If you have a partner who sees the question differently, a counselor can help you talk about it without turning it into a contest. Disagreement over children is one of the harder conflicts in a relationship, and it deserves patient, specific conversation.

Think of Sam, 31, and Rina, 30, who have been together for six years. Sam says “someday.” Rina says “soon.” After a long evening and a calendar, they realized that the argument was about fear of money and fear of losing their friendship, not about children. They made a plan to save, then to revisit in a year. The question became smaller.

There is no wrong answer in the abstract. There is only the answer that fits your life.

What if you are already a parent and struggling?

Struggling does not mean you chose wrongly or love your child too little. Parental distress is common, and it is often a response to circumstances and exhaustion, not a flaw in you. It is also treatable. The most useful move is to name what is happening and seek help early.

Some signs deserve attention:

• Persistent low mood, hopelessness or emptiness lasting more than two weeks, which can signal postpartum or other depression in mothers, fathers and adoptive parents.
• Constant worry, panic or intrusive thoughts that interfere with sleep and daily life.
• Burnout: emotional exhaustion, detachment from your child and a sense of ineffectiveness that does not lift with rest.
• Anger or irritability that frightens you or leads to behavior you regret.

Postpartum depression is common and affects fathers and partners as well as birth mothers. A primary care doctor, midwife, therapist or psychiatrist can assess symptoms and offer treatment, which may include talk therapy, medication or both. Cognitive behavioral therapy and interpersonal therapy have good evidence for perinatal depression. Parent support groups, peer networks and home-visiting programs help too. If you are having thoughts of harming yourself or your child, contact local emergency services or a crisis line right away.

Smaller adjustments help with ordinary strain. Protect sleep wherever you can, even in shifts. Ask for specific help (a meal, an hour with the baby) instead of a vague “let me know.” Reduce unnecessary tasks. Spend a few minutes a day on something that is yours. And revisit the division of labor with your partner when circumstances change.

Shame is the quiet obstacle. Many parents believe they should feel only gratitude, and so they hide exhaustion, resentment or sadness, which makes it worse. Saying “this is hard” does not betray your child. It is information, and it is often the first step toward support.

Imagine Chloe, 29, three months after a difficult birth, who tells her sister she feels nothing for the baby. Her sister doesn’t judge. She helps her book an appointment. Six weeks of treatment later, Chloe describes the first time she laughed at her daughter’s face with her whole chest.

Love for a child is not a mood. Moods can be treated, and love is often waiting underneath.

FAQs about Whether Having Children Brings Happiness

Do children make you happier?

Not automatically. Research finds that parenthood is linked with both more joy and more distress, and whether parents are happier than non-parents depends on circumstances such as financial strain, sleep, relationship quality, social support and national policies. A major review in 2014 concluded that asking whether parents are more or less happy is not the most meaningful question, and proposed that parents are unhappy to the extent that they face more negative emotions, money problems, sleep loss and marital trouble, and happy when they experience meaning and positive social roles.

Are parents less happy than people without children?

In many wealthy countries, parents report somewhat lower happiness on average, but the gap varies widely. A 2016 study of 22 countries found that the United States had the largest disadvantage for parents, while countries with generous paid leave and child-care support showed small or no gaps, and a few showed parents as happier. The differences were explained largely by family policies. So the answer depends on where you live, how much support parents receive and which measure of happiness is used.

Why do parents say their kids are the best thing in their lives but report lower happiness?

Because meaning and moment-to-moment happiness are different things. Children are a strong source of purpose, love and a sense that life matters, which many parents rate highly. They also bring sleep loss, stress, financial strain and reduced free time, which lower daily mood. Daily-life studies find that caring for children is often less enjoyable minute by minute than many other activities, while parents still judge their lives as deeply worthwhile. Both statements can be sincerely true at once.

Does having a baby hurt a relationship?

On average, relationship satisfaction dips after children arrive. A meta-analysis of 97 studies found that parents reported lower marital satisfaction than non-parents, with larger differences for mothers and for parents of infants. The effect was small to moderate, so many couples do well. Sleep loss, uneven division of labor and less time together are common causes. Couples who share the workload fairly, keep talking about feelings and protect time for each other tend to fare better, and counseling can help when conflict builds.

Is it normal to regret having children?

Some parents do feel regret at times, and a small minority persistently wish they had not become parents, even while loving their children. This is rarely discussed because of strong social taboos, and research is limited. Most parents say that they would choose their children again. Passing moments of regret during exhausting periods are common and do not mean that you are a bad parent. Persistent regret, shame or distress deserves a conversation with a counselor or therapist who will not judge you.

Will I be lonely or regretful if I never have children?

Not necessarily. Research does not show that childfree adults are generally unhappy or lonely. Satisfaction depends on whether the choice was voluntary, the quality of relationships and community ties, and financial and health security. People who wanted children but could not have them may experience grief, while those who chose not to often report few regrets. Social support in later life depends more on the quality of relationships than on having children, and planning for care and companionship matters for everyone.

What makes parenthood more satisfying?

Research points to several factors: financial security, a supportive and fair partnership, help from family and friends, planned and wanted parenthood, enough sleep, good mental health and policies that let parents combine work and family, such as paid leave and affordable child care. Parents who find meaning in the role and whose basic needs are met also tend to report more joy. None of these factors is guaranteed, and many are beyond individual control, but small adjustments, like sharing the mental load, can help.

When should a parent seek help for how they are feeling?

Seek help if low mood, hopelessness, anxiety, intrusive thoughts or exhaustion last more than two weeks or interfere with sleep, eating or caring for yourself and your child. Postpartum depression and anxiety are common and treatable, and they affect fathers and partners too. A doctor, midwife, therapist or psychiatrist can assess and recommend treatment such as talk therapy or medication. If you have thoughts of harming yourself or your child, contact local emergency services or a crisis line immediately.

Bibliography

• Glass, J., Simon, R. W., & Andersson, M. A. (2016). Parenthood and happiness: Effects of work-family reconciliation policies in 22 OECD countries. American Journal of Sociology, 122(3), 886-929.
• Hansen, T. (2012). Parenthood and happiness: A review of folk theories versus empirical evidence. Social Indicators Research, 108(1), 29-64.
• Kahneman, D., Krueger, A. B., Schkade, D. A., Schwarz, N., & Stone, A. A. (2004). A survey method for characterizing daily life experience: The day reconstruction method. Science, 306(5702), 1776-1780.
• Nelson, S. K., Kushlev, K., & Lyubomirsky, S. (2014). The pains and pleasures of parenting: When, why, and how is parenthood associated with more or less well-being? Psychological Bulletin, 140(3), 846-895.
• Pollmann-Schult, M. (2014). Parenthood and life satisfaction: Why don’t children make people happy? Journal of Marriage and Family, 76(2), 319-336.
• Twenge, J. M., Campbell, W. K., & Foster, C. A. (2003). Parenthood and marital satisfaction: A meta-analytic review. Journal of Marriage and Family, 65(3), 574-583.