A narcissist manipulates his charming lover and false promises, using her to feed her ego. When he loses interest or she demands more, she discards her coldly or submits it to emotional games. Unlike a conventional relationship based on reciprocity and genuine affection, the narcissistic sees his lover as a source of validation and control.
At first, it can dazzle it with excessive attention and great promises, only for, over time, show its true nature: coldness, lies and emotional games. In order not to have more doubts about it and prevent consequences, in this Psychology For article, we will give you information about How a narcissist behaves with his lover.
When a narcissist has a lover, Sor behavior usually follows a predictable pattern based on your need for validation, control and manipulation. Next, we explain the most common phases of their behavior in such a relationship:
1. Honeymoon phase
It is a stage of the relationship in which the lover is idealized. At first, The narcissist is lovely, seductive and attentive. It can make the lover feel special, unique desired. Use excessive compliments, empty promises and great gestures for Emotionally hook the other person. The objective of the narcissist is to capture the attention of others to have control of the situation.
2. Exploitation and manipulation phase
Once the lover is emotionally involved, the narcissist begins to show his true nature. Can do the following:
Use the Gaslighting: Make the other doubt about your own perception. In this article we explain in detail that is gaslighting (gas light) according to psychology.
Alternate between samples of affection and coldness To maintain control.
Make the lover feel “compete” for your attention.
Victimize to justify the extramarital relationship or its lack of commitment.
3. Devaluation and rupture phase
When the lover ceases to be a constant source of validation or begins to demand reciprocity, The narcissist becomes cruel, distant or derogatory. It can humiliate, ignore or emotionally punish the lover to maintain power. As a general rule, this dynamic produces separations, fights and distancing in which the lack of empathy predominates.
Finally, when the narcissist no longer obtains what he needs, he looks for another source of validation and abruptly abandons the lover. Sometimes, he does it in a cruel or without explanation, leaving him confused/ay wounded.
How to know if a narcissist is in love with his lover
A narcissistic does not fall in love in the genuine and deep sense of the word, since its way of linking is based on control and manipulation. However, you can become obsessed with your lover or Develop an attachment based on dependency emotional and the ego. Here we bring you the signs of when you really feel something deep for someone:
Exclusive admiration: overvalue personal features only of his lover.
Contempt towards the environment: A narcissist in love can focus all his energy on his lover and avoid any social contact with his environment. This can be perceived through attitudes of contempt, denigration and discrimination towards close people.
It is consistent in your deal with you: Do not play with your emotions, it is stable and is present even when you don’t need anything about you.
Respect your limits: If you tell him that you need space or that something hurts you, it does not ignore it or punishes you for it.
You are willing to change your situation for you: If I were really in love, I would make real changes in your life to be with you, not just empty words.
If you want to know more, in this article we show you in detail how a narcissist acts in love.
Psychological consequences of being a lover of a narcissist
Being a lover of a narcissist leaves deep emotional and psychological sequelae. Here we explain the main consequences of being a lover of a narcissist:
Low self -esteem and identity loss: At first, the narcissist idealizes you, but then begins to devalue you, which can make you doubt your own value. It will make you feel that you are not enough or that you should try more to get your love and attention.
Emotional dependence and toxic hook: Your Emotional Altibajos game (intense love followed by coldness) generates emotional addiction. It can make you feel that only he/she can give you happiness, although in reality she is only manipulating you.
Mental confusion and Gaslighting: a narcissist distorts reality with him Gaslightingmaking you doubt your own perceptions. You can say things like “I never promised you anything”, “you are exaggerating”, or “it is you who get illusions.”
Feelings of guilt and shame: It can make you feel guilty for the relationship, even when he/she was the one who started it and manipulated the situation. You can also make you feel ashamed for allowing certain behaviors or continuing hooked.
Emotional exhaustion: After so much emotional wear, you can feel empty, sad or without energy. The feeling of abandonment (when the narcissist rules out or moves you) can make you fall into a deep depression. In this case, in this article we explain what happens if you ignore the narcissist after discarding.
Difficulty trusting future relationships: After such a relationship, you are likely to be afraid to trust someone again. You can also develop a pattern of attraction by toxic people without realizing it.
What happens when the narcissist has more than a lover
Although there is no unique and defined pattern, when a narcissist has multiple lovers he sees them as different sources of validation. Alternate between them according to their needs, and ensures that each one provides something different: Admiration, sex, attention or emotional support.
To maintain control, use manipulation tactics such as Gaslightingtriangulation and intermittent reinforcement, mix affection with indifference. In this way, it creates a feeling of uncertainty that keeps your emotionally hooked lovers. In addition, he never really undertakes with any, because his goal is not love, but to feed his ego and his feeling of power.
If one of the lovers begins to demand clarity or moves away, the narcissist quickly replaces or tries to recover it with false promises. This cycle confuses your victimssince they feel they are never important enough for him/her. In the background, the narcissist does not value any of his lovers as people, but as pieces in his manipulation game.
This article is merely informative, in Psychology For we have no power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
If you want to read more articles similar to How a narcissist behaves with his lover we recommend that you enter our category of clinical psychology.
References
García Garduño, JM, Cortés Sotres, JF (1998). The empirical measurement of narcissism. Psychothema magazine, 10(3), 725-735.
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This article has been reviewed by our editorial team at PsychologyFor to ensure accuracy, clarity, and adherence to evidence-based research. The content is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice.
