As time passes, fortunately, we begin to become aware of all those behaviors that have a base or root anchored in the past and in the social construction of roles that should be forgotten. This is the case of all attitudes that reproduce gender expectations and roles, as internalized responses and that replicate the asymmetry of power between men and women.
Doing a quick conceptual review, gender expectations refer to the entire mass of attitudes, beliefs and behaviors that have been related to and constructed based on a specific gender; whether male or female. Basically, they refer to everything that is expected and understood as acceptable for men and women. It is important to emphasize the heteronormativity of this concept, which in itself excludes realities other than cisgender and gender binarism.
Gender expectations guide, for example, women to take on roles related to care and emotionality, while giving men greater strength and emotional disinhibition. We could say that it is these expectations that have normalized violence as an expected response among men, and victimization as expected in women. This is dangerous due to the replication of violent attitudes that perpetuate this violent asymmetry of powers.
In this article, we will review some of the ways in which these attitudes are imprinted, coming to better understand In what ways are we limited by gender expectations? Using everyday examples in which we can all feel identified, we will try to give voice to the importance of deconstruction and abandoning these attitudes that promote difference and violence.
1. Asymmetric interpersonal relationships
To begin with, gender stereotypes have unconsciously permeated every way we relate to everyone. It is easy to realize the differential way in which men relate to each other, women to each other, and in what ways relationships that include both men and women change.
Consciously or unconsciously, all people have received stimuli and external information that have generated our beliefs. the emotional distance between men and women, placing the former in a position of superior power. This asymmetry of power can generate relationships between men and women that are relegated to these differences. This is, for example, the origin of relationships of emotional dependence, or in which women unalterably take on the role of caregiver or subordinate to the male figure.
And this is due to nothing more and nothing less than gender expectations. While women have been educated to provide emotional attention and care, men have been educated under the whitewashing of violence, the domination of spaces and emotional coldness To realize this, it is as simple as thinking about a school playground and the differential attitudes between boys and girls. We’ll let you come up with ideas around this, and later we’ll dedicate a section to talking about it.
2. Emotional ties
As mentioned in the previous section, gender expectations They permeate all our attitudes and behaviors when it comes to interacting with other people making it so that in most cases we do not even realize how we are perpetuating these roles and they are reflected in the loving relationships and emotional bonds that we have.
3. Male emotional availability
There are many women who raise their voices against the difficulty of establishing emotional ties with men due to their low and weak emotional availability. Emotional availability refers to the ability to have an emotional commitment and generate attitudes that promote emotional responsibility, establishing constant communication between both members of the couple and greater comfort and emotional trust. This is one more cause of the learning of emotional coldness among men, compared to the imposition of care and constant concern on women.
4. Sexuality and pornography
In the same way, it is these gender stereotypes that lead to the adoption of excessively violent roles or those that reflect humiliating attitudes towards women in sexual relations There are many studies that relate this to the consumption of pornography among men; audiovisual materials constructed by the male gaze and for their own desire and enjoyment. Pornography systematically harasses women and reflects this power that has been given to men over women, along with the normalization of their violent attitudes.
5. Work limitations
Moving on to another dimension of life, gender stereotypes also have a clear reflection in job aspirations and the acquisition of specific attitudes towards a job and around all the factors that it may entail.
It has become normal that, for example, more men dedicate themselves to the technological and scientific sectors, while more women take career paths related to care, such as education or nursing.
Logically, this argument is not intended to question whether these people enjoy their work or that they should not do it, but would they have decided to do so if, systematically, women did not experience greater difficulties in accessing these scientific branches?
From formal education, there are many women who talk about the issuance of messages directed towards them that invalidate their ability to find a place in work worlds dominated by masculinity Therefore, it is natural that, when receiving this type of input, women take paths more in line with what is expected of them, with the expectations of the female gender. It is important to question whether this is because women really enjoy these roles more, or if they have been educated for it. The same thing happens for men, by generating this rejection of emotionality and care and giving validity to power and money, it is normal to understand that more men want to dedicate themselves to the technological or business sectors; It is what they have been educated to do.
5.2. Wage gap and glass ceiling
Although they are concepts known to everyone, it is important to highlight how normalized the existence of the wage gap between men and women and what has been called the glass ceiling is in our reality; the greatest difficulty for women to reach managerial positions. The fact that many people do not even consider this as a structural problem is nothing more than another reflection of the way in which these beliefs, roles and expectations are intrinsic to our psyche and require continuous work to be deconstructed.
6. Child development
Returning to a topic that was opened at the beginning of the article, the time has come to question In what ways are gender stereotypes imposed on us from childhood? and are thus reflected in children’s behaviors.
6.1. Games and toys “for boys” and “for girls”
Imagining a school playground, it is easy to visualize boys occupying the majority of the space playing soccer, relegating girls to the liminal spaces of the sports field to play more imaginative or conversational games. The domination and power given to boys perpetuates that girls cannot do anything other than “what is expected” of them; talking, playing with dolls or jumping rope. But what would happen if the schoolyard were dominated by girls, instead of boys? Would the dominant game be relegated to dolls, or would new forms of play be discovered, giving rise to greater diversity and promoting children’s reality?
Boys and girls are what they are; boys and girls. It is the role of fathers, mothers and educators to suppress these beliefs anchored in the past that relegate their roles to things as stupid as that pink is for girls and blue is for boys. Everything belongs to everyone, and all people can do anything they want, as long as it does not harm others.
Feeling of false freedom
As we see, gender roles and expectations color absolutely all of our spaces and relationships, causing practically all of our behaviors to involve some of the variables that generate more emotional distance and physical space between genders. Not to mention that this social construction itself perpetuates the marginalization of trans and non-binary people.
And it is ridiculous the large number of dimensions of our lives that would have been different if we had not been educated “to be” men and women It is idyllic to think about what would have happened if we had been educated to be people, regardless of gender or sex, and we had had the real freedom to explore our personalities and identities. The first step is to understand the false freedom that comes with acquiring these gender roles and expectations; It is crucial to begin the path towards the deconstruction of gender.
I’m Emily Williams Jones, a psychologist specializing in mental health with a focus on cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and mindfulness. With a Ph.D. in psychology, my career has spanned research, clinical practice and private counseling. I’m dedicated to helping individuals overcome anxiety, depression and trauma by offering a personalized, evidence-based approach that combines the latest research with compassionate care.
