How Do I Tell My Partner That I Don’t Want To Move In With Them?
Although each case is different, the fact that two people maintain a relationship implies the existence of a situation in which both individuals profess attraction for each other and a series of feelings that make them want to stay together. Specifically, love implies the existence of a balance between components such as passion, intimacy and commitment.
As a general rule, a certain evolution and the acquisition of an increasing amount of the last of these factors tends to be expected as the relationship progresses, one of the steps that usually takes being the fact of go live together
However, each person has their own rhythm and sometimes the idea of moving in together can arise too soon for one of the members of the couple. If we are this person and we still do not feel ready, or we really do not want to go live with him or her, the moment when it is proposed to us can be a serious problem. When asked “How do I tell my partner that I don’t want to move in with him/her? “, in this article we are going to try to give a series of tips on what to do in this situation.
I don’t want to move in with my partner: how do I tell him?
Moving in together is something that many couples are very excited about and that usually implies an advance in the level of commitment in the relationship. Generally, whoever proposes cohabitation usually does so with good intentions and as a way of trying to have a closer and more stable relationship.
Saying no to a proposal of this type is sometimes tremendously complicated, especially if we love that person and we perceive that they really like him and would like to live with us. But It is better to say no than to pretend to be excited or do something against our will. Below we give you a series of instructions on how to do it.
1. Analyze the reason for your reluctance
Before deciding anything, we must ask ourselves whether or not we want to live with our partner and why those doubts or refusal exist. We must be clear that not wanting to live with someone does not have to imply not loving that person, but it can also lead to the possibility that we do not really see a future with him or her.
We may have fear of assuming a greater commitment than we have so far that we have had previous unflattering experiences that make us doubt the viability of living together as a couple, that we do not know if we know enough about that person or, simply, that it is something that we do not want to do at the moment.
2. Don’t respond with evasion
It is possible that when the couple insinuates the idea of moving in together, there is fear or concern that they will feel offended if we answer no. Many people tend to respond evasive or change the subject. This only leads to a temporary avoidance of the problem at hand and it will generate a higher level of tension in whoever does it, as well as a lack of communication. The best thing is to try to face the situation and respond assertively.
3. Express yourself assertively, calmly and making your point of view clear.
Directly linked to the previous one. We are trying to communicate to our loved one that we do not want to move in with said person, but without generating a relationship conflict. It is advisable to establish the conversation calmly, not getting carried away by panic.
We have to make our point of view clear so that there are no misunderstandings, sincerely but tactfully and trying not to offend the other person or hurt them. At the end of the day we don’t want to go live with him, but that doesn’t mean we don’t love him. It is not necessary to give the moment a solemn connotation, we can also do it in a relaxed way as long as the other person is receptive and depending on how they suggested it.
4. State that what you reject is not him/her, but living together
Many people, and especially if there is some underlying insecurity, can come to believe that if we refuse to live with them it is because we really do not value them enough to be with them, that we do not take the relationship seriously or even directly that we don’t want them. It is worth making clear after the refusal that the rejection is towards living together at this moment, not towards the person in itself or towards the relationship with him or her.
5. A future possibility?
It may also be stated that at this moment you do not intend to start living together with the other person, but it is possible that you consider that in the future it is a desirable option. Communicating it is usually positive. Of course, it is important that if it is said it is because it is true and not a simple excuse to get by
It will not be unusual for a proposal to move in together that is rejected to be experienced with discomfort or even with some anger. As long as there is no violence, we must try understand that the other person may feel offended Getting angry over a bad reaction would only make the situation worse and could end up in an argument. So, you have to try to validate their reaction.
7. Talk about the why
It is possible that after having analyzed the situation, there is a specific reason why we do not want to live with that person. It may be too soon it is possible that we are afraid of the possible changes that may occur in the relationship, that it does not suit us financially or that we have a different future project.
These types of factors can be explored and it is important that they be communicated in order to establish a fluid relationship that takes into account the feelings, beliefs and expectations of both people. In addition to the case at hand, it can also be used to learn more about each other or even later to correct problems and insecurities.
8. It encourages expression
In addition to understanding and validating the other person’s reaction, it is advisable to have them say what they think about it, so that you can both better understand the situation and assess what opinions you have regarding the situation or how you feel about it. This does not mean that you try to force him to talk if he does not want to, but rather make it clear that his opinion is important to you.
