How Do Love Relationships Work And Why Do They End?
Love is a very difficult concept to understand and even more difficult to decipher how it works. There are so many forms of expression, manifestation, conception, etc. that make it impossible to establish specific guidelines for action.
The objective of this article is to give a personal vision about how we believe love relationships work, whether they are healthy or not, and finally, offer some guidelines in case these do not come to fruition
To carry out this reflection, we will divide the article into three moments that we consider key: the beginning of the friendship, the healthy relationship vs. the relationship is not healthy, and finally, how to deal with a breakup in the best way if it happens.
1. The beginning: the morbidity of the unknown
This first stage is where a process of mutual knowledge begins, in which there is an exchange of information (musical tastes, hobbies, favorite movies, etc.) and where endless understandings are produced.
Through communication, both verbal and non-verbal, an attraction also begins, physical and chemical, in which the two people begin to like each other and share special moments (a glass of wine, a walk in the park, a look from complicity, etc.). Those first butterflies begin to fly…
2. Healthy relationships vs. unhealthy relationships
Over time the relationship matures, The people who make up the couple adapt to each other, giving rise to a symbiosis that is not always proportional and positive
This is where relationships begin to take one form or another. The key is knowing how to share and finding a balance where each individual feels important and happy both individually and as a couple. It is essential to be aware that a person can be happy on their own, since from our point of view, this is one of the keys that define happiness within the couple.
In a healthy relationship, two people exchange love, experiences, trust, balance, security, etc. always seeking a mutual benefit that makes them grow personally without having to give up a piece of themselves, but rather of share a part of each other’s essence The results usually come from couples with a great future where the feeling of well-being and satisfaction predominates.
On the contrary, in an unhealthy relationship, there is no sharing, but rather there is an “existential struggle” where the one who takes the most pieces of the other person wins. This is where jealousy, selfishness, distrust, insecurity, imbalance, etc. appear. The result is usually a painful breakup where the “losing” person usually shows a serious lack of self-confidence that leads to states of anxiety and depression. This is because they forgot the main basis on which any relationship is based: we can be happy without having a partner
3. How can I deal with a possible breakup?
Well, first of all, whether you have had a healthy relationship or not, you have to accept that from now on the one who is going to make the world move is you and only you. It is a question of attitude
In these situations, there are usually two types of people, those who look to the future (seeking a change) and people who look to the past (seeking to recover what was lost).
In the first case, we are talking about a person who is aware that there is a void but that it can be filled with new life experiences. They have the feeling of sadness, as is normal, but at the same time they breathe air of freedom (I choose). Your motivation for wanting to move forward is intrinsic (your own) and you ask yourself questions like what do I want to change? How am I going to change it? Why am I going to change it?
In the second case, we are talking about a sad person (logically) but who feels incapable of rebuilding their life, they directly live in bitterness, in resignation, they often become “toxic” people. They feel the need for emotional dependence (on their ex-partner), they close themselves off in a small introverted world without new experiences, always trying to recover what they have lost. This attitude usually leads the person to depressive states and a lack of self-confidence since they look for motivation in others (extrinsic).
The essential thing: to be happy without needing to be with another person
As we have said before, everything is a question of attitude and asking yourself, “Where do I want to be?”, because we cannot change the past, but we can choose the future.
In the UPAD Psychology and Coaching We are committed to teaching people strategies to find their own motivations that help them generate that change that will provide them with what they have really forgotten and are looking for: to be happy for themselves.
We hope that this article makes you reflect on the type of relationship you want to have and If you find yourself in a moment of breakup, stop thinking about the past and start working on your future
