The family is that social group whose ties are usually some of the strongest that a person can have. Generally, the members of a family tend to have a good relationship with each other, although sometimes conflictive situations may arise, enough to require going to family therapy.
This term will sound alarming to more than one, but it shouldn’t be that way. In the same way that we need to go to the dentist when a tooth hurts or visit the mechanic when the car doesn’t work, if our family has problems it is necessary to receive some type of professional help to be able to solve the dysfunctional situation.
Every family is different and the way they manage their difficulties is different too. There will be situations that require more professional help than others and, then, we are going to discover them by watching how to know when to go to family therapy.
Our personal health depends a lot on our family relationships. As a general rule, the family can serve as a protective factor against the development of some psychological problems, although it is also true that can be the source of stress and anxiety. This is normal, since in all families there are good and bad moments, crisis situations and times in which the changes are such that it is difficult to live them impassively.
Many situations of change are perfectly normal and it is usually a mere matter of time before its members end up adapting to it. For example, when there is a birth, when someone dies at an advanced age or when moving home, it is normal for there to be changes in the dynamics, roles and feelings of the members of the family nucleus. However, all of these situations are typical of an average family, something that we will end up accepting, although, sometimes, with some difficulty.
But there are also unexpected situations, such as the accidental death of a young child, the separation of parents, bad relationships between children or any other highly destabilizing situation that will require outside help for the family to overcome. This is where the importance of family therapy comes in, something that helps families from the outside, with a professional who takes a neutral, objective and active stance in the analysis and resolution of dysfunctionality in which the members of that family nucleus have been immersed.
Having the need to go to family therapy is nothing to be ashamed of, since the perfect family does not exist. Throughout the entire history of every family that lives on our planet there will be crisis situations that its members will not be able to resolve on their own.
Receiving help from outside is the best way for the family to regain stability or, if it has never had it, to finally have it. The mental health of all its members depends on it, so going to a professional for family conflicts should never be seen as something exaggerated or typical of a failed family.
Situations worked on in family therapy
Typically, family therapy is provided by a psychologist, although it can also be provided by a clinical social worker or a therapist who is accredited by a specialized institution. This type of treatment is usually carried out in the short term, and can involve all family members (which is preferable) or only those who have dared to seek help, although it should be noted that it is difficult to do so. family therapy if you do not work with the whole family.
Some prototypical situations for which this type of therapy is resorted to have:
So, Conflicts are moments of evolution and growth of the family. As a general rule, they are not usually pathological, although they do imply a certain dysfunctionality, although they can be serious such as abuse, experiencing a traffic accident or the disappearance of a child. There are also cases of conflicts that transcend generations, being inherited and generating tension for a long time, even for people who do not fully understand why it arose in the first place.
It is, in fact, a great and common problem in every family, their inability to identify the root of the conflict. Since they are clearly not neutral in this situation, their lack of objectivity prevents them from clearly seeing what the trigger was and what aggravated the entire situation to get them to where they are today. In this case, family therapy is very necessary, because the professional will be able to discover things that the family has not been able to see and identify what caused it.
Among the types of conflicts worked on in family therapy we have the following.
1. Crisis of evolution or the life cycle of the family
Evolution crises are those related to natural changes in a family such as the birth of a baby, the marriage of adult children, or the retirement of parents.
They are normal and expected changes, not pathological, but sometimes they occur in such a dramatic and sudden way that it is impossible to live them impassively. Conflicts worsen when the family tries to prevent the crisis without having the necessary resources to do so.
1.1. External crises
External crises are related to some type of unexpected event. An example of this is the death of one of his members due to an accident, the sudden dismissal of the father or the illness of one of his children.
They are experiences experienced as very unfair but that could not be controlled and, sometimes, the family turns to one of its members to blame them, this being the dysfunctional and pathological part of this type of crisis.
It is difficult to adapt to this type of situation without resorting to adequate help or lacking the necessary psychological, physical and economic resources. In fact, before situations as unpredictable as the death of loved ones by accident survivors may begin to go back and forth trying to figure out what they could have done to prevent the event from happening, even though it was most likely inevitable.
1.2. Structural crises
Structural crises are considered among the most complicated, since involve the family repeating old crises, bringing them up every time there is a new conflict. They are not able to overcome the problems of the past, nor manage them either, so they relive themselves.
This type of crisis is fueled by bad relationships between several of its members, which, far from overcoming enmities, fuel them with new conflicts, although these bad relationships are maintained internally and covertly.
1.3. Attention crisis
Attention crises are common in families where one of its members suffers from a chronic illness or disability. making him extremely dependent on the other members.
The dependent person becomes the center of attention, while other members may remain in the background or even have their needs neglected. The crisis occurs when the other members are limited in their daily habits, activities and expectations by the demands of one of their members.
2. Obstacles that hinder change
There are several the obstacles that can prevent a family from overcoming a crisis and starting the change towards a more stable state in which greater well-being is enjoyed. Obstacles are often hidden, making it difficult for the family to recognize and overcome them on their own. Among them we can find the following:
Communication problems have to do with the fact that family members do not say things to each other in an assertive and totally sincere way. This is an aspect in which both the sender and the receiver are involved, that is, the problem may be that the person who says things says them too abruptly and without explaining everything he or she feels or that, also, the another person is unable to understand the things that are said to him, or interprets them in a hostile way and becomes defensive.
2.2. Roles
As in any other social group, in the family there are roles assigned to each of its members. Dysfunctionality arises when these roles become either very rigid or are systematically breached.
23. Rules
In every family it is normal to have rules, maxims that allow or prohibit doing certain things. They become dysfunctional when these standards are either too demanding and lack any sense or justice or are not met. characteristics of authoritarian and laissez faire parenting styles, respectively.
2.4. Historical
Historical obstacles are all those issues and problems that have not been resolved throughout the history of the family, and that They return and remain hanging around and stalking the family for a long time. perhaps even being passed down from generation to generation.
How can you face a family crisis?
No family is the same nor are the conflicts and problems that affect it. In order to face a family crisis, the family’s ability to face the problems must first be evaluated. There are many factors that intervene in this, including the capacity for communication, organization, resources, limitations and belief systems by which the family unit is governed. The processes that will help the family face crises can come from within, from their family and friends, or from outside, in the form of professional help and social support.
To understand your own conflicts and overcome them, It is necessary for the family to maintain an open position and be willing to receive help from outside, real and professional help like that offered by the psychologist. Communication between its members must be sincere, breaking any taboos within the family. It is also important to have a social network that acts as true support in unfavorable circumstances.
