How Does The Attachment Perspective Help To Overcome Couple Conflicts?


Imagine that María and Luis do not stop arguing. They have been together for 5 years and they love each other very much, but the constant arguments have separated them, they are tense, they make fewer plans together, they enjoy less, their sex life is affected… and a long etc…

María and Luis are exhausted from this situation, but it seems that what they try to remedy it separates them further. In relationships, conflicts and disagreements are inevitable. But what if I told you that these challenges could be an opportunity to strengthen your bonds? As a trauma-informed and attachment psychologist, I am here to guide you on the path to a healthier, more resilient relationship.

How couples therapy helps us

First of all, you should know that you can work to strengthen and improve your ties. And we can do this whether you are looking to work individually or if you are interested in couples therapy. After all, you will have already noticed that relational patterns tend to repeat themselves in many of our relationships. Next, using the example of María and Luis, I tell you the bases of what we will work on in therapy so that you can transform your relationships. Turning conflicts into an opportunity for growth.

You may be interested:  7 Tips to Get Over Divorce

1. Understand each person’s relationship history and attachment style

In therapy, the first step is to explore each person’s relationship history and how it has shaped their attachment styles. Understanding how María and Luis’s past experiences influence the way they relate to each other today will allow us to identify patterns and areas of growth.

2. Identify discomfort triggers

Based on this information, together we will identify the specific triggers that trigger discomfort and conflict in the relationship. This provides us with a starting point to explore underlying emotions and unmet needs that may be contributing to the conflict. There may be different reasons that trigger discomfort in María and Luis, either due to past experiences or issues that have occurred in the relationship.


3. Foster empathy and understand the message underlying the conflict

Thus, through empathy and reflection exercises, Luis and María immerse themselves in each other’s emotional world to better understand their perspectives and needs. Additionally, we explore the underlying message behind conflicts, looking for opportunities for growth and connection.

Imagine that Luis and María are frustrated because they constantly argue about order. Understanding that the discussion about “cleaning up the kitchen” has more to do with “I feel like you’re not listening to me and that makes me angry,” will be a great step in fostering healthier relationship dynamics.

4. Work on emotional regulation and needs in the relationship

In our therapy, you will learn practical strategies to regulate your emotions during conflicts, promoting calm and clarity in communication. We also explore individual and shared needs in the relationship, creating space for mutual satisfaction and emotional support. In this way, what previously ended in conflict is now managed differently.

You may be interested:  7 Things You Should Not Do When You Are Jealous

5. Conflict resolution and reparation

Together, they approached conflict constructively, practicing assertive communication and collaborative problem-solving. Additionally, they will learn about the power of repair after conflict, strengthening trust and connection in the relationship.

6. See discussions as opportunities for growth

María and Luis will begin to see that discussions and conflicts give us the opportunity to grow as a couple. Each challenge overcome brings us closer, strengthening their mutual understanding and emotional connection.


Do you feel identified with the story of María and Luis? Would you like to be able to work like they have done? It is possible to find better ways to relate, and when we get stuck, it is very useful for a specialized professional to help us find new points of view.

Contact me today to take the first step towards a healthier, more fulfilling relationship. Remember, together we can build bridges to a future full of love and connection. We are here for you every step of the way.