There are people who have difficulties asserting themselves when speaking with others, or with specific people or groups. This can become a major drawback, because the image of insecurity they convey means that what they say is not taken into account as much or even that, by extension, they are not taken into account.
In this article we will see several tips on how to assert yourself when speaking both in terms of the content of what is said and the way in which it is said, including non-verbal language.
How to assert yourself in conversations and relationships
Interpersonal relationships and the conversations that take place in them are always complex.
On the one hand, making oneself understood and correctly interpreting what the other person says is already something complicated, but to that we must add that through dialogue we must also resolve clashes of interests, opinions and beliefs. Although the ability to use language has given us the ability to connect better with others, it has also has made us use words to assert ourselves to submit or to be subjected and, if we do not realize it, to enter into dynamics that wear down our self-esteem.
As a consequence, there are people who have entered a dynamic in which they do not know how to express their ideas without feeling vulnerable and insecure. These are individuals who need to learn (and get used to) how to speak confidently, defending their point of view.
It is necessary to break this habit, made up of a set of habits related to the way of speaking and communicating in general, to gain trust in personal relationships So, to assert yourself, it is advisable that you follow the following key ideas.
1. Identify what you fail at most
There are different ways to talk with insecurity. Therefore, the first thing is to see in which aspects we need more noticeable changes in our way of speaking and behaving in conversations.
A good way to start is to familiarize yourself with the concept of passive communication, which is most typical for people who need to learn to speak confidently. This communication style is characterized by the avoidance of direct confrontation the expression of one’s needs and feelings, and maintaining a low profile.
2. Make sure you maintain eye contact
It is very important that there is eye contact most of the time, since if not, whoever is avoiding it will offer an image of insecurity, in addition to making communication difficult. To solve it, the easiest thing is not to become obsessed with looking directly into the other’s pupils, and limit yourself to not looking away from the other’s face. In this way, without realizing it and spontaneously, Eyes will meet and contact will be maintained without you having to worry too much about it
3. Do not maintain a contracted posture
Avoid postures and positions that keep your arms and legs very close to your vertical axis. Try to relax your muscles and make your arms move freely, keeping the forearms away from the chest for most of the time (instead of keeping your arms crossed or having them with your hands close to your chest).
It is important that the volume of your voice is adequate. There are insecure people who, to avoid making a fool of themselves, They try not to notice what they say too much but this is something to avoid, since it puts those who are used to speaking like this into a role of submission.
Therefore, it is best to practice in front of a mirror and improvise so that, little by little, that voice volume becomes more familiar and is the one used spontaneously, by default. It is important to do it with a certain regularity, so as not to miss part of the progress achieved in previous sessions.
5. Avoid literally memorizing entire sentences
There are people who try to compensate for their insecurity when speaking by carefully planning what they are going to say in a conversation. This is something that can create more problems than it solves because it requires greater concentration than it would take to simply speak spontaneously, given that in them you have to constantly remember what to say according to the script made previously.
Therefore, the ideal is in any case to plan in advance, very briefly and only for important conversations, ideas that can be discussed in a conversation, but without memorizing phrases.
6. Work on your self-esteem
Part of the problem of speaking with insecurity has to do with something that is beyond communication and dialogue itself: it is self-esteem. Working on it so that it does not deflate is important, because part of the problem It usually has to do with a lack of self-confidence and in what can be offered in a conversation. With a few months of practice, if necessary by attending a psychologist’s consultation, asserting yourself will be much easier.
This is another way to gain confidence when speaking: have topics of conversation. To do this, it is important not only to be original when making the dialogues turn towards interesting topics, but have certain knowledge to transmit, even if they are only personal reflections or interesting opinions that do not have to be based on the memorization of specific data. When a person feels that just by having some knowledge of something it can be very easy to make a dialogue interesting, that gives them a lot of security.
8. Work on your assertiveness
Expressing ideas or opinions that do not fit with those of others is not bad; it’s natural. Therefore, it is necessary to work on assertiveness, which has to do with our ability to express ourselves by defending our point of view while respecting others
I’m Emily Williams Jones, a psychologist specializing in mental health with a focus on cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and mindfulness. With a Ph.D. in psychology, my career has spanned research, clinical practice and private counseling. I’m dedicated to helping individuals overcome anxiety, depression and trauma by offering a personalized, evidence-based approach that combines the latest research with compassionate care.
