Maybe if you have read this article, it is because you identify as a perfectionist, but you don’t know to what extent it is healthy in your case. It is often flattering to be told that you are a perfectionist, as it usually implies that you are a disciplined person and do your job well. However, other times they tell you it as a criticism.
And then, Is it good or bad to be a perfectionist? Well, like everything in psychology, I answer: it depends. Perfectionism is a very curious psychological variable, since, without being neutral, it brings both good and unpleasant consequences. In this article I describe how to distinguish between discipline and dysfunctional perfectionism.
Perfectionism is considered a personality trait, which makes us demand high goals and work as hard as possible until we achieve them, while taking care of the small details to avoid making mistakes along the way. Therefore, this trait is usually associated with having good discipline, being responsible and obtaining numerous achievements.
In turn, perfectionism works as a coping mechanism, since things are done as best as possible, with the aim of reducing anxiety and uncertainty regarding the results of an activity. This is how we try to control the situation and ensure that nothing unexpected arises that could cause us anxiety.
This personality trait has two sides, since at medium levels it provides good results and gives us confidence in what we do, but When perfectionism is excessively high, it can produce the completely opposite effect. We are already talking about dysfunctional perfectionism, considered even pathological as it can generate various psychological disorders, such as anxiety and depression.
Distinction between discipline and dysfunctional perfectionism
The best way to distinguish between discipline and dysfunctional perfectionism is to consider whether you are suffering from significant discomfort. First, it is necessary to clarify what discipline is: a set of strategies and actions that leads us to be responsible and constant, and allows us to self-regulate and carry out our tasks in an orderly and appropriate manner.
In this way, in principle discipline should not cause us discomfort per se, it should only motivate us to advance in our tasks and achieve our objectives, including long-term goals without becoming desperate thanks to perseverance. This, however, is not the case with dysfunctional perfectionism, which does cause us discomfort for the following reasons.
1. Frustration
Dysfunctional perfectionism means setting goals far beyond our capabilities, and even expecting the same from others. However, in order to develop our skills, we need to raise the level little by little. We cannot improve our capabilities if we set goals that are so far beyond our limits, in the same way as we make demands on others. This only leads us to not being able to achieve our goals, to suffering frustration and to soon throw in the towel.
Likewise, this pathological trait is directly correlated with having a low tolerance for frustration. When a mistake is made, the person suffers a high degree of frustration that is difficult to bear, which leads them to try to avoid making mistakes so as not to have to suffer it. In this way, one is unaccustomed to failing and having to tolerate frustration, which prevents learning to endure this emotion, entering into feedback.
Due to the fear of suffering frustration, People with dysfunctional perfectionism tend to avoid or postpone situations in which they can easily fail due to lack of abilities or by only setting high goals. It would be the typical idea of: “I do it well or I don’t do it, but to do it wrong, I don’t start.” Thus, this trait also leads to procrastination.
2. Fear of criticism
Another reason that forces highly perfectionistic people to avoid mistakes is the fear of failure. This fear comes from worry about what others will perceive of me, what they will think, and the fear of criticism and being judged, which influences self-esteem.
And generally, dysfunctionally perfectionist people have developed this pathological trait because, when they were little, they were only praised when they did things excellently (or even never received any praise), but they were harshly criticized every time they made a mistake. With these guidelines, you end up learning that you are only well valued and accepted if you do everything perfectly.
On the other hand, dysfunctional perfectionism is related to intolerance of uncertainty, that is, the high difficulty in coping with the lack of information and the absence of control over a situation. This implies difficulty adapting to unforeseen events that may arise and suffering a high degree of basic discomfort or having frequent crises.
Furthermore, intolerance of uncertainty makes it difficult to face the future. Highly perfectionistic people tend to try to reduce uncertainty by over-informing themselves about what may happen, over-organizing themselves, and making many lists. Not only that, but when combined with the fear of making mistakes, it turns them into insecure and indecisive people.
4. Self-esteem problems
The fact of never being able to meet their own expectations (in this case, because they set very high goals), leads them to feel that they are failures and that they can’t achieve anything. Even more happens by never lowering the level of demand and not giving yourself room to improve your skills. This only causes their beliefs about themselves to be confirmed over and over again, and self-esteem problems arise.
There are even people who, when they do achieve their goals, are not able to recognize their own merits and attribute it to luck or the favor of others instead of their abilities. In this way, dysfunctional perfectionism is one of the causes of Impostor Syndrome. However, Self-esteem is a very subjective view of ourselves, so having low self-esteem is not synonymous with a lack of skills.
How to deal with dysfunctional perfectionism?
If with the previous section you have discovered that you have dysfunctional perfectionism because it causes you discomfort and you have several of the problems mentioned, you are in luck, because this personality trait is modifiable.
To confront perfectionism, it takes time, perseverance and effort, which are not qualities that you exactly lack if you are also a disciplined person. Next, I leave you here some tips to adjust your level of perfectionism. The first step is to accept that there is no such thing as absolute perfection, your work will never be 100% perfect. Set realistic goals based on your capabilities. If you cannot achieve them, you must lower the level of demand.
Establish short-term goals as steps to follow to achieve a long-term goal. This way you reduce hopelessness and frustration, and will give you enough satisfaction and motivation to continue with the next goal. If you don’t have one, set a set schedule and deadlines to complete your work. The goal is to finish them, not leave them high quality, but incomplete. This way you can improve your efficiency.
Don’t redo the work over and over again. You can review it, but set a limit so that you don’t do it infinite times, without ever being calm. For example, you can only review it 3 times. Accept your limits and flaws. Nobody is really perfect, and neither are you, but that doesn’t mean we stop being valuable people.
Furthermore, you can always work to overcome your defects, but to do so you must face your fear of making mistakes. You can’t expect to do it right the first time, learning involves making mistakes no matter what. Recognize your own abilities and praise yourself. Allow yourself to enjoy your own achievements, you deserve it!
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This article has been reviewed by our editorial team at PsychologyFor to ensure accuracy, clarity, and adherence to evidence-based research. The content is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice.
