Leaving our hometown, whether of our own free will or because we are forced, is not easy even leaving aside the bureaucratic process that it entails, even if we know that the purpose of the change is to increase our quality of life. The existence of migratory grief is the best example of this.
Migratory grief is understood as a feeling of loss and discomfort when the subject emigrates to settle somewhere else. The symptoms that appear are similar to those presented when we lose a loved one, such as sadness, problems sleeping and eating, or difficulty concentrating. Likewise, in order to overcome the loss, it is necessary to go through a grieving process made up of different stages.
In this article you will learn better how to manage immigration grief adopting psychologically effective strategies.
It is easy to understand how the concept is defined if we evaluate the two terms that form it. By grief we understand the sensation, state, that appears in a situation of loss. Each subject will experience it in a different way, and different symptoms, both physical and emotional, may present. If we focus on the second migratory term, this is used when an individual leaves their place of residence to settle in another.
In this way, migratory grief refers to the feeling of loss, of discomfort that arises in some individuals after leaving their place of origin. And the reasons for making the decision to leave and go to another country can be very varied, almost always having the objective of living better in the new city, but despite achieving a better quality of life, the feeling of longing, of missing one’s city of origin… or even other types of emotional alterations that are more intense and qualitatively different from the experience of missing what that person leaves behind.
Besides, if we have been forced to leave due to a context of great economic precariousness or fleeing a war or a process of persecution of minorities the experience can be more traumatic, both because of the memories associated with the emigration process, and because of the certainty that there is no option to easily return at any time to the place from which one came if things go wrong. in the host country.
This type of grief presents basic characteristics of any grieving process. But it also shows some distinctive variables that make it different, such as whether it is multiple grief, the period of onset of symptoms, and whether it is considered partial grief or recurrent grief.
When we refer to multiple grief, we mean that the entity that causes the feeling of loss can be more than one at a time: for example, culture, language, family, friends, food… Since it is a feeling towards a space or people that have not really stopped existing or living (we have only moved away from those elements), It is considered a partial duel contradictory sensations and desires may arise, or even guilt appears for feeling psychologically vulnerable in the face of a problem that we do not easily identify, which makes us feel bad about ourselves for wrongly considering ourselves “too lazy” or “weak.”
On the other hand, also represents a recurring grief since there are different actions, situations… that can make the subject return to the feeling of loss, such as talking to his mother by video call, seeing images of his childhood home, hearing people talk, or going to visit for a few days. and see how friends have aged…
Finally, It is common for this discomfort or experience of loss to appear some time after it occurs given that normally the first months after the transfer the subject is busy with paperwork, settling in or with other tasks that keep him distracted, it is for this reason that this grief is also known as “6-month sickness.”
Symptoms of migratory grief
As we have already seen, this type of duel can show variables similar to other loss processes. Below we will see some of them so that you can identify them in time if you find yourself in this situation and prevent further damage.
Stages of migratory grief
In the same way that happens when a loved one dies, the subject goes through different stages before managing to overcome the loss. Even so, it must be taken into account that not all phases appear the same in all individuals nor is it necessary that all of them always appear. It is also possible to go back, since, as we have said before, the feeling of grief is recurrent.
The first phase that can occur consists of the denial of migratory grief, the subject acts as if nothing had happened, as if the loss had not happened or does not adapt to the new place; Subsequently, the rationality phase of the situation may occur where the individual becomes aware of the loss that this entails and that he needs to adapt.
The migration It can also lead to a phase of anger Having made the decision to migrate and anger at how things are going, it is difficult to adapt. It will be essential to control this phrase so that it does not become complicated, preventing you from having a good experience in the new place.
Another phase that may appear in the process is the feeling of fear ; This is normal in small quantities since it allows us to stay alert and be prepared for unforeseen events, but if it is very intense, irrational, it can affect our functioning, causing us to stop acting, doing things and achieving our goals for fear of What can happen. This experience of fear can occur before, during or after migration.
The next phase consists of both emotional and cognitive acceptance of the loss. Once we have accepted the loss, it is easier to see how we feel in perspective and take stock of what has hurt us and everything we have learned and how good the change has been. This is the only way to prosperously link the previous life with the current one, without having to reject either.
Finally, if we have overcome the different phases and have accepted the situation, The last stage usually consists of creating new links, relationships, to optimally start a new life. In some cases, it has been observed that the individual, once adapted to the new culture, may reject his or her own culture, the one of origin, although this behavior is not the most frequent.
Related article: “The 6 differences between sadness and depression”
How to deal favorably with immigration grief
Now that we know the different stages we can go through during migratory grief, it is useful to know what strategies or techniques can help us make these happen in a more favorable way and have less impact on our functionality.
1. Consider the situation as a way of development and growth
This strategy is linked to the well-known saying of “seeing the glass half full or half empty.”, meaning that depending on how we see the situation or what perspective we take, it may be more or less easy to accept it. So if we see it as an opportunity to grow and learn new things, it will be less difficult to adapt to it and overcome grief sooner.
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It is true that the main objective of migration is to achieve a higher quality of life, but we should not idealize the country we are going to, since in this way it will be very unlikely, if not impossible, achieve our expectations thus increasing the possibility of feeling disappointed or sad.
3. Allow yourself to feel
As in any process, in order to overcome it, it is necessary not to avoid or deny what you feel, even if it is difficult for us at the moment, it is better that we allow ourselves to feel fear, sadness… to be able to start working with them and to be able to place it correctly in our lives. . When faced with a situation of changing home or country, it is normal to feel fear, It is a sensation that we must go through to achieve a good adaptation.
4. Don’t isolate yourself
Try to meet people, since having social support favors a better process and better adaptation and knowledge of the culture of the host place. Likewise, if you meet people who also emigrated from another country, you can use their advice on how they overcame the process and feel that you are not the only one in this situation.
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5. Take your time
Each person needs a different period to adapt to the new situation, take the time you need and don’t feel pressure to be well since if you try to speed up the process it is likely that you will not be able to overcome it correctly.
6. Seek professional help
If you notice that the situation is overwhelming you and you feel great discomfort that affects your daily life or your functionality, It is recommended that you seek professional help in psychotherapy. In this way you will achieve an intervention more adapted to your characteristics, with closer support and carried out by someone who knows how to act effectively in this situation.
