In the practice of psychology, It is very common to receive consultations due to this cause: couple breakups, separations, divorces and heartbreaks
And couple breakups are becoming more and more common. According to data from the General Council of the Judiciary (CGPJ), separations, divorces and annulments grew in Spain by 5.7% in a period of one year (after the 2020 confinement).
How can we face the suffering generated by breakups and achieve improvement?
The first thing is to be aware that we are going through a duel We have lost an important person in our lives, a person with whom we were emotionally linked, a person with whom we have shared not only experiences, but also dreams.
The separation is going to be painful and we have to do our part to prevent the grief from becoming chronic, leaving consequences that could interfere in the future. In this sense, I bring you 5 keys to successfully overcome a breakup.
1. End hope and self-deception
It is common for people who go through a breakup to cling to the idea that everything will return to normal, to be like before. They look for a solution, a way to get back with that person Often, they focus on those details that tell them that possibility exists.
However, they are forgetting to focus on those who are ensuring the end of the relationship.
Focus on the evidence that shows us that the breakup is a fact helps us continue moving forward in our grieving process and not remain blocked in a hope that can prolong our suffering.
2. Start zero contact
There is a strong intrigue in wanting to know all the details of the breakup, of the ex-partner, of their new life, and how it feels. This intrigue is something you must fight against, since continuing to receive information about the ex-partner makes separation impossible and increases the level of suffering.
Zero contact is not just about not talking. It consists of not knowing anything about your life. Stop checking your profile on social networks, stop talking about your ex-partner continuously, stop receiving information about what you do or how you feel etc.
Often, blocking social networks is necessary to avoid seeing photos or information that could interfere with contact 0, even asking mutual friends (assertively) to stop informing you about them.
3. Avoid prohibited acts
There are many acts that will be totally prohibited during your grieving process if you want to get over your breakup successfully and without consequences. Among them:
4. Foster relationships with healthy people
Do a personal relationship sweep Think about all the people you have in your life and make an evaluation of their qualities and your relationship and friendship with them. We are sociable beings and we increasingly have more people with whom we interact. However, not all of them can be classified as healthy and safe relationships, and it doesn’t matter, because these other relationships also contribute to us and help us grow, since we learn from them.
In a time as difficult as a breakup, it is important to strengthen these relationships with healthy and safe people. People who do not feed your hope, your rage, or your thirst for revenge People who tell you what you refuse to hear. Because those people are the people who really love you.
5. Work on yourself and your self-esteem
It’s time to take care of yourself. Your mind has received a message that it has come to believe, that “you are no longer valuable.” But that message is not true, it is totally distorted by the breakup.
The fact that a person decides to continue their life without you does not mean that you have stopped being important to them You have been for a while, and although you are still the same person, your paths have simply parted ways. It is difficult to make your mind understand it, but you are still an equally valuable person and you have people around you who love you and long to see you happy again.
Work on yourself, on your self-care, give yourself experiences, moments, conversations… For example, you can go to a SPA, incorporate a skin care routine, practice a new sport, or take a trip.
This article does not replace a psychological consultation that can be adapted to your particular case. Go to psychological consultation It is also an act of self-care that will help you understand what is happening to you and guide you in building your new life.
