There are times in life when we quickly get hooked or fall in love with a person who, objectively, we know it is better not to be with A very strong part of us desperately wants to be with her, but our more rational part constantly warns us that it is better not to continue.
This can happen for many reasons: it could be that there are things about the other person that we don’t like that are important to us, because the other person doesn’t fall in love with us, because the other person may have another partner, or because they have skipped pacts in a way that we do not want to forgive.
It is then that the moment arrives when the head prevails and We decided to end that hook that does not allow us to move forward But anyone who has been in that situation knows that it is not as easy as it seems and that the pain suffered when separating from someone we still love is difficult to face.
At the beginning of a relationship, when we like someone and we enter the initial phase of falling in love, there are a multitude of neurotransmitters and hormones that invade us. Dopamine, adrenaline, oxytocin and noradrenaline are some of the protagonists. They are what allow you to spend hours and hours without sleeping talking to that person, without eating, and without thinking about anything else. They are the ones that give us that “high” state and the ones that your body misses when you separate from that person.
It is because of them that it is so difficult for you to remain firm in your conscious decision to separate. The ones that make you feel that love as an addition
Despite the pain and great difficulty of leaving someone you love, you have to know that, by following some guidelines, that addition and pain will last less time. And little by little and barely without realizing it, it will ease. Let’s see some tips on what to do in these cases.
1. Write your reasons for separating from this person
This task is essential. When you are calm, write down your compelling reasons for not being with that person. It is important that you have this list on hand in times of weakness, which will undoubtedly be
Neither magnify nor minimize them, be realistic and write them down to keep them in mind when nostalgia comes, which will surely come.
2. Avoid seeing and touching that person
Oxytocin is the hormone that causes affection. When you see and touch the person you love, the levels of this hormone rise in the blood And this causes the bond and attachment to that person to be maintained, and even elevated. There are studies that say that looking into the eyes and hugging are the behaviors that release the most oxytocin. Therefore avoid seeing and touching him.
To achieve this completely, it is also important that you stop following him on social networks to avoid photos and videos. I know this step is very difficult but it is the most important step to start moving forward. If you can’t do it all at once, do it little by little, but do it as soon as possible.
3. Avoid making the same plans and routines that you did with that person
In love, dopamine is very present, it is the hormone that participates in the circuits of addiction. When we receive and give love, dopamine is the cause of that state of excitement and high
When we stop doing it, the decrease in this hormone makes our body and mind long for it and search for it again, especially in those places and times where we received it. That is why it is important to avoid those places where everything is the same but only the person is missing. Change habits.
4. Use strategies and set traps for the most vulnerable moments
Anticipate the worst moments and Think about strategies that you can carry out in moments of more “down” where you see that there is a risk of relapse and contact. For example, delete their number, turn off your cell phone or leave it at home, go out, meet friends when you feel most alone…
5. Control constantly thinking about others
This is very difficult, I know. But you have to be aware that you can manage your thoughts. The thoughts will come again and again, but it is up to you to let yourself be carried away by them, leaving you paralyzed or be attentive when they come and shift your attention to something else. At first it will seem like you can’t, but little by little you will have more and more spaces free of thoughts about that person and you will feel better.
The brain and our body will use thousands of tricks and strategies to make you fall and get everything you like and need (adrenaline, oxytocin, etc.), so be very attentive to self-deceptions such as: “Nothing happens if you see him once” “I will only meet him once more and it will be the last.” Be careful with them, be attentive and resort to your list from point 1 when you see that they invade you.
Concluding
They will be eternal days and very hard days, you will not have a good time. But little by little there will be more and more spaces of tranquility.
One more day is a very important and fundamental advance so that you can free yourself from the addition and from this hook that you do not want for yourself. I know it’s not easy because I know what I’m talking about, but you know that time will gradually ease that pain. Don’t make it any longer, you don’t deserve it. If you need help to achieve this, ask a psychology professional. You can.
