How To Improve Self-esteem After Breaking Up With A Narcissist
Relationships with people who have a narcissistic personality disorder can be highly draining on an emotional and mental level. Realizing that we live in a relationship where manipulation and various forms of psychological abuse are constantly present is really painful and usually negatively impacts people’s self-esteem.
If you have managed to get out of a relationship in which these types of dynamics predominated, we encourage you to continue reading. Throughout this article we explore different strategies that will allow us to improve self-esteem after a breakup with a narcissist. To do this, before we talked about the relational dynamics and the damage they generate.
Understanding the relational dynamics with a narcissist
Realizing that we are having a relationship with a person with a narcissistic personality can be really complex, since it is something that is not initially observed. On the contrary. In the beginning, she is usually charming, attentive, kind, affectionate… On many occasions she is “the person we had always wanted.”.
The behaviors that occur at the beginning of the relationship usually contribute to feelings towards that person growing rapidly. However, when things do not go as the other person would like, that is when manipulative behaviors usually begin to occur. The person with a narcissistic personality is likely to be colder and even punishing.
People with this type of personality tend to have an exaggeratedly positive perception of themselves. In addition, they require constant attention, validation and recognition and, of course, have serious difficulties connecting with empathy towards other people. This leads them to adopt relational strategies in which they make the couple end up doubting themselves and reality (gaslighting), among others.
Having had a relationship with a person with narcissistic traits or personality implies, in most cases, having been exposed to an emotional roller coaster. Often we go from receiving praise and admiration to receiving criticism, devaluation and contempt.
This fact, undoubtedly, generates dynamics in which the other person becomes dependent on the validation and approval of the narcissistic person and this seriously impacts their own self-esteem, as well as their mental and emotional health.
Being able to realize everything you have experienced is necessary to begin the recovery process after the breakup. In addition to going through the grieving process that is activated by perceived losses, it will also be necessary to work on rebuilding one’s own self-esteem.
In this sense, it is crucial to be able to validate all the emotions that arise along the way. Likewise, it is necessary to understand that the person responsible for the manipulation is the one who exercises it and not the victim.
Strategies to rebuild self-esteem
It is important to understand that each person is unique and, therefore, there may be many differences in the way they go through the breakup and the process of self-recovery. There is no right or wrong way to go through the grieving process. Below are some strategies that may be helpful.
Physical and emotional self-care
After a breakup, it is common for certain aspects of daily life to be neglected due to the intensity of the emotions that are being felt. In addition, there are usually many intrusive thoughts that repeat themselves over and over again and, once again, make internal and external organization difficult.
However, it is essential to invest all possible resources in recovering the spaces and routines that allow us to take care of ourselves both emotionally and physically. Reestablishing sleep, eating and physical activity patterns is as important as having spaces to do the activities we like and lean on our loved ones.
Self-knowledge and self-compassion
In the process of recovering self-esteem, it is necessary to do a constant exercise of self-observation and reflection that allows us to have greater knowledge of ourselves. It is essential to accompany ourselves from compassion and not from judgment. Only in this way can we recover those aspects of self-esteem that have been so worn down throughout the relationship.
Setting limits
It is very likely that our ability to set boundaries has been eroded as a result of having been in a relationship with a person with a narcissistic personality. On many occasions, limits will have been set that have not been respected and this undermines our confidence. It is crucial to recover this ability to take care of ourselves in future relationships.
Building new relationships
Whether friendship or couple relationships, it is necessary that they can be established by laying the foundations for open, honest and respectful communication. It is crucial to establish new bonds in which your own needs are as important as those of the other person and are respected. Reciprocity is another key aspect to take into account, as well as feeling that one’s limits are respected and taken into account.
Professional help
We know the serious impact that relationships with narcissistic people can have. Therefore, we encourage you to ask for professional help if you consider that this situation is overwhelming for you at this moment or if you feel that you do not have the resources to cope with it. Working with a professional can be of great help since their support will adjust to your current needs and your reality.
