Have you ever felt like you don’t get as much respect for yourself as you should? Many people are afraid to respond with the monosyllable “no” when asked for help, but the difficulty of responding negatively prevents us from having the type of life we want because we end up having more obligations than we can attend to. Remember that your number one priority should be paying attention to what you need, and if helping others is an inconvenience right now, you have every right in the world to admit this reality.
In this PsicologíaOnline article, we give you a series of guidelines so that you can learn to say no without feeling guilty thus.
The problem of not being very clear when we want to reject a request
If someone wants to talk to us on the phone but we really don’t have free time and we know that the topic they want to talk about is not urgent, unless we are firm when we say that we don’t have time, the other person will think that it is a specific case and You will want us to call you the following day or week.
A very practical way to prevent the other person from insisting is to say that we will take the initiative to contact him when we can do what he is asking of us. We can respond with a simple “sorry, I’m quite busy lately, but when I have time to accompany you I will let you know in advance.” In this way we make it clear that we will be the ones to take the initiative when we have free time, and we will avoid the person asking us if we are available tomorrow or in two weeks.
We must also be very clear when we reject a request difficult to satisfy and they respond to us with a less difficult request. If we say that, unfortunately, we cannot lend 100 euros at the moment, we cannot be tempted to answer affirmatively when asked if we can at least lend 20 euros.
I will think about it
You are under no obligation to provide an immediate response. If someone asks you to water their plants or pick up their kids from school, and you immediately respond that you can give them a hand, then it will be much harder to back out if you realize that you really don’t have enough time to help this person.
When they ask you for a favor, you can tell them that You will give an answer as soon as you are sure that you can really help him.
Pay attention to how you feel when someone asks you for a favor.
If it’s a simple favor that doesn’t take much time at all and that you’d love to do (for example, staying with your neighbor’s dog for the weekend… what better company than that?), you will know immediately that you want to help to the person. You will have the feeling that this favor they are asking of you will not cause you any difficulty and that, on the contrary, you would love to help.
On the other hand, if you have been asked for help with a university project and you know that it will take too much time and that you prefer to dedicate the little time you have to your obligations, You’ll know right away that you don’t really want to help You will feel stressed and wonder where you will find time in your schedule to help this person.
If you really can’t (or don’t want to) help, be firm when answering which is not possible for you at this time. Surely someone else can help you and maybe that person won’t find it a problem. You will have saved yourself additional stress in your life.
How to say “no” without feeling guilty
Many people do not know how to respond negatively when asked for help because they do not want to ruin a friendship or be disliked. You can reject a request appreciating the fact that they counted on you for this project and offering an alternative way in which you can help.
Why should we learn to say “no”?
Don’t be afraid to be selfish, and start thinking about yourself
Value the time you spend exercising and cooking. Value the time you should dedicate to your work. Value your money, because it is yours. Value the free time that corresponds to you and that you deserve. If you learn to respond negatively to a request, you save yourself stress and gain time in your life.
This article is merely informative, at PsychologyFor we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
If you want to read more articles similar to How to learn to say ‘no’ without feeling guilty we recommend that you enter our Personal Growth and Self-Help category.
