Anger, rage, sadness, despair, anguish… all of them are emotions and sensations that are not exactly pleasant to us and that imply suffering from a certain discomfort that most of us would like to avoid. However, the fact that they are not palatable does not mean that they are not healthy to some extent, most of them having a meaning that pushes us to a type of behavior that can be adaptive as long as they are not taken to the extreme.
That is why, rather than avoiding them, we should learn to manage them. In this article we will see a series of guidelines that allow us understand how to manage negative emotions.
We understand by emotion a specific and subjective affective state that is experienced during a relatively short period of time and that is characterized by generating some type of activation or certain way of functioning in our body that in turn can serve to promote some type of behavior. .
They allow us to give a certain value to the experience , be it internal or external, and they are born from within people in an innate way. Its appearance in a specific situation, however, is largely mediated by environmental influences and the subject’s previous experiences and learning.
Generally we tend to divide emotions between positive and negative, depending on the type of activation it generates in us and the association between said activation and the lived experience. We generally consider positive those that generate some type of pleasure (joy, excitement or calm would be examples) while those that are annoying or painful are negative (sadness, anger or hopelessness).
Both types of emotions, as well as others considered neutral (for example, surprise) They actually have an adaptive function for the organism, since they lead us to tend to act in a certain way.
This also includes the negative ones, even though they may be undesirable to us. For example, anger, anguish or rage pushes us to move against something that we consider unfair or that causes us discomfort, and sadness makes us seek protection or reduce our level of activity in certain situations in which excessive action could be an energy expenditure).
This is relevant given that very often we want to avoid experiencing negative emotions at all costs, even though to a certain extent they are healthy and allow us to survive and face complicated situations. And as we mentioned in the introduction, rather than avoiding them, we should learn to manage them correctly in such a way that we allow ourselves to feel them without them becoming dysfunctional.
This requires emotional intelligence , this type of intelligence can in fact be trained. Below we offer a series of guidelines to learn how to manage negative emotions.
1. Don’t block them
The first and one of the most important steps when learning how to manage negative emotions is simply not to avoid them. And as a general rule we tend to try to reduce our suffering and simply ignore or cover them up. It is necessary to avoid avoidance and accept that we must face them.
2. Assess why they appear and what they want to tell you
As we have said, emotions are something adaptive that helps us survive. It is necessary that in addition to allowing ourselves to feel them, we listen to what they want to tell us, what they are informing us about.
Although this point may seem very logical, the truth is that many people are not able to say why they feel the way they do. Why are we sad? Has something happened to lead us to be like this? We must do an exercise not only in perception but also in reasoning at an emotional level on these issues.
3. Use meditation techniques
Closely linked to the previous point, a good way to get in touch with our emotions is to use meditation. There are also techniques such as Mindfulnnes (which is also largely based on a certain type of meditation) that can be useful to us. Allow our thoughts and emotions to pass and observe them as a witness, without interfering in them can help us determine the reason for its appearance.
A widespread error in most societies, at least in Western ones, is that suffering and discomfort are usually a taboo and hidden topic, something even shameful that we do not usually share with anyone or with few people. Negative emotions, then, tend to be hidden and repressed socially, something that In the long run it can generate a cumulative effect that will make us feel worse and worse and that what should be adaptive becomes harmful and even pathological.
Although it may not be about making a constant demonstration, it can be useful to share them with those close to you or express them in different ways, such as through art. It’s about making them flow and letting them appear and disappear in a normal and adaptive way.
5. Give them an answer
It is not just about knowing why they are there or limiting ourselves to expressing them, but it is also essential provide a response to the need they are expressing. That is, if we are distressed and need to calm down, we should look for relief, or if we are sad, somewhere to feel protected. If we are nervous about the chaos in a situation, perhaps we can seek order, or if we regret having hurt someone, we can talk to that person and try to amend the situation.
6. Try not to be dominated
We have said that negative emotions are also adaptive, as long as they flow normally. But it is also possible that a specific emotion becomes a dominant element in our life and that it becomes a central axis that alters all of our behavior, while also being somewhat resistant to change.
We must try to listen to our emotions, but learn to manage them in such a way that they are functional for us and allow us to have a good quality of life and a feeling of well-being. Otherwise we could be manifesting some type of unhealthy reaction or even a pathology such as depression. This is why understanding how to manage negative emotions is something of great importance in our daily lives.
Emotions usually arise when experiencing some type of specific situation. If the emotions that arise are negative, such as anxiety or fear, sometimes we may not know how to deal with them.
One way to reduce the intensity of these negative emotions can be to remember situations similar to the one that generates the emotion itself: it is about remembering how we have faced it if we have been successful in resolving them, in such a way that they inspire us and provide guidelines applicable to the current situation. This will allow us to reduce tension and discomfort.
Of course, this would be valid only if we have successfully faced a similar situation: if we have not achieved a positive resolution in no case it can even generate a higher level of discomfort.
8. The power of observation
Until now we have talked about different aspects to work on ourselves, but the truth is that we can also improve our way of managing negative emotions by observing and listening to others.
Observe how others express emotions and how they manage them It can allow us not only to identify them in others but can also lead us to self-identify aspects such as physiological symptoms or ways of acting. The use of models that teach us how to cope with situations and emotions can also help us to a great extent.
9. Self-registration and/or diaries
A typical technique for learning to manage negative emotions has a lot to do with the ability to organize and systematize information. Keeping a diary or some type of self-record can help us to observe what situations generate certain emotions in us its intensity or even possible alternative interpretations to the interpretations made or possible responses to be made.
