Nowadays it is rare to meet someone and stay in your romantic relationship forever; The most common thing is to have several partners throughout life
On the other hand, the negative emotional experience experienced when breaking up with the previous person with whom we had a romantic relationship can weigh heavily on us. And sometimes that prevents us from even enjoying new relationships after the breakup.
For this reason, for a significant number of people, having suffered a breakup, and the suffering and pain that this has caused them, makes them afraid of the possibility of starting a new relationship.
The complicated period of facing grief over a romantic breakup In some cases, it causes people to have insurmountable difficulties in overcoming the feeling of loss and thus being able to start another relationship again.
How to overcome a break of couple
Not being able to overcome the loss after a sentimental failure, the hatred felt, as well as the fears that are generated that it may happen to us again, can block us. It’s what happens when you believe that the best way to avoid having a bad time and suffering again is to never have a relationship again
The consequence of a relationship breakup is that loneliness and pain can significantly affect our intellectual functioning, leading to our cognitive capacity being temporarily impaired. In a situation like this we will not be able to regulate our emotions well or think clearly.
1. Do not confuse distractions with psychological recovery
Often after a breakup, people They can begin in fortuitous relationships that do not last long and come to nothing since the grief from the previous breakup has not yet been healthily digested and it is still too early for the couple’s affection to find a new place in him or her.
Therefore, these continuous small disappointments or failures can make them live with discomfort, even thinking that they will never again have a relationship like they had with their ex. Arriving at this approach is a mistake.
2. It is necessary to manage emotional pain
There is a saying that feeds a false myth that is ineffective: “a nail is pulled out with another nail.” Normally in relationships, intense positive emotions are experienced, and therefore the pain we feel after the loss in the grieving process is necessary.
As much as we want to avoid the discomfort that the breakup entails, If we do not experience that pain and suffer from it, it will be difficult to have a new healthy relationship.
The person must be patient and allow himself adjusting to your new life The most important thing is to find well-being by overcoming the suffering and pain caused in the previous relationship.
You have to live those emotions of pain and suffering and not try to block them by having other relationships; This will surely not be the best to overcome the grief.
The data from the studies indicate that people who have suffered a sentimental failure, In order to overcome the breakup of a couple, they must understand the reasons why the relationship broke up.
4. Don’t give in to the temptation of trying to get her back
Research confirms that a romantic breakup activates the same mechanisms in the brain as those of a drug addict who is abstinent from the toxic substances to which he is addicted. Thus we could say that when a couple breaks up, the person goes through a period of abstinence.
When we become heartbroken, we cannot ignore it. The healthy thing is to recognize and prevent the need we feel to contact or spy on social networks with this we would be feeding the addiction, further enhancing the pain and delaying our recovery.
5. Do not idealize the past
A love breakup will lead us to thoughts of idealization of the broken relationship. We must compensate for this by remembering her bad gesture and not just her smile, how bad it made us go through the fact that you argued frequently and heatedly and went days without speaking to each other, etc.
Therefore, to overcome a breakup, I advise my patients to do a detailed list of all the times the ex misbehaved with yourself of all their negative characteristics, of all their quirks, and that they have this list at hand (for example, on their mobile).
Our brain will tell us that he or the ex was perfect. But that’s not the case, and neither was the relationship. And if you want to overcome it, you must remember it frequently.
Getting over a breakup is a struggle, and the reasons why you broke up are your best weapons. There’s nothing that can take away the pain you feel Therefore, do not look for more explanations, accept the ones you already have and stop asking yourself more, since you need the wound to close to overcome the addiction.
You also need something else: you must be willing to let go, to accept that it’s over If not, you will be feeding your mind with false hopes and it will set you back in overcoming grief. Keep in mind that hope can be absolutely destructive when we go through a romantic breakup.
I’m Emily Williams Jones, a psychologist specializing in mental health with a focus on cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and mindfulness. With a Ph.D. in psychology, my career has spanned research, clinical practice and private counseling. I’m dedicated to helping individuals overcome anxiety, depression and trauma by offering a personalized, evidence-based approach that combines the latest research with compassionate care.
