How To Overcome Jealousy In A Couple?

Do you think your partner is too jealous? Do you think there is jealousy in the couple? Find the keys to face and overcome them to make your union stronger.

How to combat jealousy in a couple?

We start from beliefs that harm us greatly: the myth that whoever loves you will make you suffer and the belief that if he is not jealous It’s because he’s not really in love. These two premises mean that we often endure things that we should not have to endure and that we allow pathological jealousy within the relationship.

How to know if there is jealousy in a couple?

It is true that the feeling of belonging makes jealousy in the couple are something common. We feel that the other person partly belongs to us, and therefore, it is normal to feel jealous when you perceive a certain threat that causes the relationship to falter. Up to this point everything is normal. The problem comes when your partner does things like:

1. He subjects you to interrogations

Everything you do that is not in their sight can be subject to interrogation. Where and with whom you have been are the most frequently asked questions that are then accompanied by “and what have you been doing? How long? And then, until the time you arrived, what have you done?”, etc. The interrogation can be very detailed and leave no stone unturned. This is one of the clear signs that there is jealousy in the couple.

2. Reproachful comments appear

Phrases appear in which the person expresses feelings of envy, “You don’t get along with me that much” or something like “you don’t laugh like that with me anymore.” Blame can also be related to not forgiving past mistakes that come to light when nothing can be done. In this way, insecurity in the couple ends up taking more prominence through jealousy.

3. He doesn’t trust what you tell him

When you do things with other people socially or even at work, they may think that what you say is a lie. For example: “Are you sure you’ve been to the gym? You don’t dress like that to go to the gym.” When someone constantly distrusts what you do, it is very possible that there are jealousy in the couple.

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4. He gets angry constantly

Control and doubts about what you do and reproachful comments are often a source of discussion. If you don’t answer his/her cell phone messages quickly, he/she gets angry, if you do something that he/she interprets as inappropriate, he/she gets angry. You feel that no matter what you do, he gets angry because the level of susceptibility is very high.

With these signs it is clear to be able to visualize what they are in a jealous person the symptoms that he is doubting your relationship. Jealousy in a couple can cause a relationship to end, so it is very important to teach yourself or show others the problem to know how to stop having jealousy that can lead to a separation.

How to combat jealousy in a couple?

How to overcome jealousy as a couple?

The first thing to keep in mind is that solving this problem is a matter for the person who feels jealous. Therefore, you will or will have to work on them internally. Additionally, this person will most likely need help from a therapist, since the jealousy in the couple They end up showing psychological problems beyond the relationship.

  • stop justifying yourself

Interrogatories should not be answered. Every time you find yourself subjected to one of them, explain to him that he has to learn to trust you and that these responses are not going to help him stay calm. He will try to use this response as a weapon with phrases like: “You say that because you don’t want to answer me, you will have to hide something.” Don’t fall into that game, simply explain to him that you think it is better that he learns to tolerate you not explaining everything to him and trusts you, that trust is one of the fundamental pillars of relationships.

  • Wait for the right moment to speak

Don’t try to solve the self-doubt problems when he is angry. Wait for him to calm down to talk about what worries him, and especially there, when he is calm it is a good time to introduce the difficulty of jealousy in the couple and the importance of mutual trust and agreements.

  • The past is the past

If he reproaches you for things from the past, it is important that you emphasize that that is no longer there and that we must move forward. If at any time you doubted the relationship or perhaps you were unfaithful, it is important to turn the page and if you cannot do so, perhaps it would be good for you to do couples therapy to help wounds heal. If they are discussions about past problems, you have to ask yourself if they can be resolved, and if not, you don’t have to give it any more thought.

  • Talk about your feelings

Explain to him what you would like him to do, what is causing the relationship not to go well, that you need him to trust you and stop attacking you, give him examples of what you would like him to stop doing and explain that jealousy is what can make the relationship not work. Express how you feel every time he accuses you of something you haven’t done.

  • Express affection

Obviously it is important to create a good atmosphere in the relationship. Try to encourage good moments and show your love and affection with the person you love, but do not fall into displays of affection to please. That is, if you feel that you show affection just so that he does not doubt you or you do it after an argument without having resolved it, that affection may not be sincere. Express your affection when you feel that way.

  • Be honest and be yourself

If you fall into using lies to avoid arguments, in the end there will be arguments. You think he will try to find the loophole or the lie, so the cake will probably be revealed and then the discussion will be more important. It is better that you be honest and explain the truth about what is happening. Move on with your life and don’t stop doing things for fear of retaliation or to avoid an argument.

  • Set limits

Sometimes you can see yourself without intimacy because you have nothing to hide and you prefer that your jealousy calm down. In reality, that is counterproductive because he will ask you more and analyze you more and more. Preserve your plot of privacy and individuality. Don’t forget to meet friends if that’s what you want, meet family and prevent them from controlling your privacy like your cell phone or social networks. Also, stop justifying yourself, that won’t make it stop being a jealous person.

  • Seeks solutions to problems

Discussions have to have a goal. If you argue but it is never resolved, that discussion will have had no meaning. Agree on a sign so that everyone can reflect on their own. When there is a discussion that is being disproportionate, use that signal and start thinking (putting yourself in the other person’s shoes must be included in that reflection). Once the anger has calmed down, talk about what happened and that conversation has to be aimed at solving the problem. What can each of you do to solve the problem?

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Finally, it is important to note that it is essential for the person who feels jealous to undergo therapy to work on their self-esteem, insecurity, past experiences, feelings of belonging or any other cause that cause jealousy in the couple.

How to control my jealousy in my relationship?

How to control jealousy in a couple if it is on my part?

There are some keys to working on an introspective level. jealousy in the couple, that is, reflecting and trying to integrate within ourselves, to overcome jealousy. If, despite following them, you cannot avoid jealousy in your partner, it is essential to go to a specialist. Many times in a jealous partner there is a psychological problem that must be treated at its roots.

1. The couple is not property

Your partner does not belong to you, nor do you belong to her. Therefore, accept it and integrate it. Also, keep in mind that when you are jealous it is as if you were imprisoned, you are not free, you depend solely and exclusively on your jealousy, they guide you, so you do not freely decide your behavior.

2. Jealousy is a means of control

Ask yourself if you are controlling in the rest of the areas of your life. Learn to let go of control, because in reality you can only control what depends on you. I suggest you repeat the prayer I show you below whenever you feel like you need to control something: “The outside does not depend on me. I can only control myself“. Repeat this phrase systematically when both jealousy and the need to control in other areas or aspects of your life appear in your mind.

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3. Use techniques to control anxiety

In this sense, Mindfulness exercises or guided meditations are used to try to leave jealousy behind. Likewise, do physical exercise and have a healthy diet.

4. Work on your self-esteem

With the help of an expert or through workshops, courses, books. Of course you must be consistent: think, speak and act accordingly.

5. Talk to your partner about this topic

Tell him about your jealousy in the couplenot from reproach, but from sharing your emotions.

6. Completely eliminate controlling behaviors

Behaviors such as looking at the other person’s cell phone, their social networks, incessant questions about where, how and who they are with. Prohibit these behaviors. Control them as they are addictive and end up locking us in a loop with a difficult exit.

7. Analyze and reflect

Think: What do you give in the relationship? Do you give 100%? What are your partner’s needs? Do you take them into account? If you don’t give 100%, what right do you have to be jealous?

8. Give your best

Constantly work to be the best version of yourself and give your best in the relationship. Work to get out of the routine, to surprise, to take care of the other, to give them what they need. But don’t forget about yourself.

Remember: It is much nicer to choose someone from love, not from need. In the same way, it is more beautiful that he chooses you from freedom, not from fear, not from restrictions. true love is a free love.