Not being able to have children has become a delicate issue that affects many more families than we could imagine. The stressful pace in which we live today, bad eating habits along with the great toxicity present in a large amount of food, a sedentary lifestyle, etc. These are some of the main reasons that are causing high levels of infertility in our Western societies today.
When the time comes, there are many families who want to create a family but encounter great difficulties in consolidating this desire. After great anxiety due to the situation of sterility and the multiple medical tests to which they are subjected over a long period of time, accepting that their infertility will not allow them to have children becomes a painful moment that must be passed through slowly and patiently. In this PsychologyFor article, we will talk about how to overcome not being able to have childrenadvice that aims to help the couple overcome this moment of crisis successfully and continue forward with their family life.
allow yourself to feel
The fact of not being able to finally have children is experienced as a loss or grief since, in reality, it is about the “non-arrival” of the long-awaited child. It is for this reason that the situation can become for the couple an experience of grief, the overcoming of which will involve the patient passage through the different phases that this unpleasant experience entails.
accept the pain
In addition to all the stress and emotional discomfort experienced by the family during the entire long process of natural and artificial fertilization – if they carry it out – there is added, at the end of this entire path, the painful reality of not being able to be parents by not being able to become parents. being able to gestate the desired child.
This entire unpleasant experience is going to cause great internal pain for both parents and accepting this pain as an inevitable part of the hard process experienced will help the couple better cope with this entire family life crisis.
Manage frustration and anger
In addition to pain, as occurs in the grieving processes, strong emotions of anger and frustration arise from within when we confront the situation that has occurred. Having to accept that we will not be able to have children confronts us with many negative emotions of anger, inability, feelings of injustice and helplessness that we must deal with in the best possible way to prevent them from making a dent inside us and hurting us as we do. people and as a family.
Take care of your emotional and physical well-being
The final part of this grieving process, and of course not easy to achieve, is accepting the reality: we will not be able to have children. After a hard process of pain during which we will envy all the families we encounter in our lives who are going to become parents, again or for the first time, there will come a final state of inner acceptance of the situation. It is a kind of resignation in which we can accept that, although it would be wonderful to have been able to raise our own child, this is not going to be able to happen.
The real and sincere acceptance of this fact will completely calm and soothe all the pain suffered during this painful experience.
Build a support network
Moving forward with our lives incorporating the accepted fact of not being able to have children is going to constitute the next step in our lives that, although it may not be easy to incorporate and carry out, will be the ultimate sign that this whole process You are on a good path of integration and personal improvement.
Consider professional advice
Once the fact of not being able to have children has been removed, if the desire to care for and accompany the lives of infants is still very strong, we can include as a new option in our lives the possibility of considering what type of alternatives would allow us to deliver all this potential. inner unconditional love for the benefit of good care of our neighbors.
Consider the alternatives
Among the clearest alternatives to not being able to have children is adoption. It is a beautiful act that allows us to give all our love and care to children who, due to the indecent situations that have occurred in their lives, will feel blessed and with infinite gratitude towards this beautiful family decision.
It should be taken into account that venturing to start the adoption process will mean, once again, entering into a long and tedious path in which we recommend that we load ourselves with great patience and calm to maintain at all times our joy and enthusiasm for raising, finally, to our son.
Works in the children’s field
Another possible alternative that can in some way cover our desire to offer all our internal potential of love and care for others could be to join the field of education and/or child care. Being a kindergarten or primary school teacher or looking for a babysitting job will allow us to give our precious capacity to love to beautiful children who will feel pleasantly grateful.
In this search for alternatives, it will be important that the inability to have children has been completely overcome. This will be the only way to consolidate new alternatives in a healthy and truly nourishing way for others, without falling into possible personal crises or incorrect assumptions about our role as caregiver.
Volunteer at NGOs
A very good third alternative to not being able to have children is to join an NGO that allows us to give all our desire to serve and care for others. In reality, this desire is found inside every human being and, at some point in our lives, it awakens. The way in which this archetypal human desire can be shaped can be very varied: having children, being part of NGOs, dedicating ourselves to the education or care of children or the elderly, etc.
Finding the ultimate way in which this human capacity can be carried out will allow the person to rejoice, strengthen themselves, and give their most beautiful potential of love and care to their neighbors.
Rethink your future
Whether or not we integrate any of these alternatives into our lives, our next step after accepting the inability to have children will be to rethink our future plans so that we can create a new route on which to establish our new steps in the future. path.
This article is merely informative, at PsychologyFor we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
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