How To Overcome The Bad Relationship With My Mother? 5 Important Tips


“There is only one mother,” they say. And, yes, that may be the case in many cases. But what happens when your relationship with your mother is not as beautiful as they make it out to be in the movies? There are thousands of people in the world who, for various reasons, have had unpleasant life experiences with their mother. It is to them that we speak today.

There are situations in which the relationship between mother and son or daughter is negatively affected, and there may be several reasons for this, including lack of communication, little commitment or the constant presence of conflicts. In this article we will show you some ways you can overcome a bad relationship with your mother, whether in order to restore ties or heal individually.

The relationship with the mother does matter

The presence, absence or performance of the mother has great weight in the lives of all individuals. Our self-esteem, security and ability to relate to others largely depends on this mother-child relationship. A positive relationship with our mother can make us feel unconditionally loved and supported. On the contrary, a tense and complicated relationship can generate insecurity, pain and resentment.

The mother is, generally, the first care and attachment figure that a child experiences. So, as might be expected, the emotional security and trust that arise in this early relationship has a lasting effect on the person’s mental and emotional health throughout life, contributing to the reduction of stress, anxiety and other mental health problems.

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The mother relationship also plays an important role in forming an individual’s self-esteem and identity. The way a mother nurtures, supports and validates her son or daughter has a great impact on his or her self-perception and ability to establish healthy relationships with others.

In summary, the good or bad relationship with the mother has a lot of relevance in her emotional development, self-esteem, identity, physical and mental health, as well as her social and emotional skills. But what happens when this relationship is not ideal? Having a bad relationship with our mother can cause deep emotional scars, but they are not impossible to heal. We will talk about this below.


Tips to overcome a bad relationship with your mother

In almost all adult human relationships there is a share of responsibility for each inconvenience or each happiness. However, In the relationships between mother and son or daughter, many wounds can arise as a consequence of the actions or absence of their caregiver.

The reasons can be very diverse, from overprotection, emotional abandonment, physical or verbal abuse, among others. And having to grow up with this burden on your shoulders can be very painful and unfair. However, as an adult, it is possible to take charge of what we do with those wounds.

It is important to recognize that each situation and each relationship is unique, so there is no single solution that applies to all cases. However, There are some general strategies that can help us overcome this situation. We share some recommendations:

1. Accept the reality of the relationship

Yes, it is a complicated relationship, and the first step is to accept it. “Yes, I have a bad relationship with my mother.” No problem. There is no point denying it, pretending that the conflict does not exist, that their actions at some point have not caused you pain. Recognizing that the relationship is not perfect opens the way to addressing these problems.

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2. Reflect on your current role in the relationship

The problems may have started in your childhood or adolescence, so don’t put blame on your shoulders! However, before trying to repair a relationship with your mother, it is important that you are able to examine your role in the current relationship.

If the problems arose in adolescence or adulthood, take into account your actions in the past. If you need to apologize or move on from something, do it. If, on the other hand, you feel that you need an apology from him that has not yet come or will never come, you can work on your relationship with yourself with the company of a therapist.

3. Talk about it with her (only if possible)

If communication with your mother is still open and you consider it prudent, share your feelings with her. If she is not, you can express yourself even without her being a witness. Do it for you. For practicing honesty and giving value to your emotions. Honest communication is essential to resolve conflicts and build healthier relationships.

If you decide to do it face to face, it’s important to find a good time to talk to her about how you feel and hear her perspective. It is necessary for both parties to compromise and work to achieve mutual understanding and find solutions if there are any.

4. Set healthy boundaries

A very important action to overcome the bad relationship with our mother is to establish healthy limits. We may have become accustomed to toxic or abusive patterns that we need to eliminate from our lives forever.

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Setting clear boundaries with the mother also means defining what type of behavior we are willing to tolerate and what we are not. Fixing them allows us to protect ourselves and maintain our emotional health. Sometimes this means temporarily distancing yourself so you can do personal work and heal.

5. Seek professional help

If your relationship with your mother has suffered a lot of damage and it is not possible to resolve it on your own, seek help. Consulting a psychotherapist or counselor can give you additional tools and resources to address issues in this relationship. A therapist can also help you develop skills to address the emotional challenges that may arise when trying to repair a broken relationship or simply be at peace with it.


Finally, remember that healing a relationship and its effects can take time, patience, and effort. In some cases, a healthier relationship can be rebuilt through working with each other. In other cases, it will be necessary to accept that the relationship will never be ideal. But it is always possible to look for ways to set limits and keep our emotional health as optimal as possible.