The main concern of many people in the world can be summed up in one phrase: “I have no friends.”. Now, no one is born predestined to be alone. In this article we will see some keys to understand why on certain occasions the feeling of absolute loneliness appears, and what can be done to remedy it.
- Related article: “The 12 types of friends: what are yours like?”
“I have no friends”: possible explanations
The number of friendships is based on predispositions based largely on temperament and character. The difference between popular people and those who have no friends lies mainly in personality characteristics.
It is common to see how in different social spheres there are subjects to whom interpersonal relationships seem to be given to them, having a tremendous facility for starting a conversation and maintaining friendships over time.
Then we have the other side of the coin, they are the subjects for whom social contact is greatly difficult, generally they don’t know what to say during social interactionanxiety invades them and they end up saying “I have no friends.”
Now, the context also influences. A person with genetic predispositions to be shy is not condemned to have few or no friends, nor does someone with the ability to socialize since childhood have to always be very popular.
Taking this into account, let’s move on to the causes that can cause a person to have no friends. There may be upbringing factors in this. that have generated insecurity in the person and this can be reflected in the absence of friends, and there are also factors of biological origin that can influence; Autism Spectrum Disorders are associated with a significant lack of friends.
Some people sometimes ask themselves the question “why don’t I have friends?” and they can’t come up with a very clear answer. Below we will see the most frequent and important causes in most cases.
1. We are shy people
Being shy or withdrawn from social contact can make us fall into a kind of voluntary isolation from which it is very difficult for us to get out; We prefer to stay in our comfort zone instead of exposing ourselves to a social situation that may be uncomfortable for us.
2. Histrionic behavior
The histrionic person is one who is used to constantly attracting attention. For these people, conversations must revolve around them or else they will not feel comfortable.
3. Choleric temperament
They are subjects who get irritated too easily. At the slightest adverse stimulus they are capable of reacting with violence (verbal, physical or psychological). They have a low tolerance for frustration and this results in difficulty in having friendly relationships.
4. Emotional dependence
When we are emotionally dependent we focus most of our energies on pleasing the person on whom we are dependent and We forget that we can also relate to other people in a healthy way.
The pathological liar usually appears to have a good relationship with his peers and seems to be able to create abundant social bonds, but this is nothing more than a mask, a layer of smoke that hides reality. Subjects who lie repeatedly are not capable of establishing quality social relationships. When the others realize the lies they end up walking away.
6. Extreme passivity
Some people have trouble making friends. simply because they do not get involved in the social activities in which others participate. For example, they prefer to decline invitations to events where it is very easy to get to know others on an informal level: dinners after work, group hiking trips, etc.
What to do to not feel alone and make friends
Now that we have seen the main causes that can lead a person to ask themselves “why don’t I have friends?” We will see what we can do to increase our social circle in a healthy way, establishing long-lasting, quality relationships. When it comes to friends, it is important to keep in mind that what matters most is quality and not quantity.
1. Find the things that unite you with others
This refers to being attentive about the things we have in common with other people. When we realize that there are similarities in tastes or opinions with someone else, we can take that to start a conversation.
2. Ask about their emotions
Once we have been able to start the conversation, it is important to ask about the other’s emotions. This consolidates the bond and puts us on the path to having a lasting, quality friendship.
3. Be vulnerable
There are those who believe that vulnerability is synonymous with weakness, since nothing could be further from the truth. When we have a friendship with someone and we trust this person, be vulnerable by showing our feelings. helps strengthen that bond. It is a sign of trust that the other identifies and values.
4. Break the routine
To have friends it is important to get out of your comfort zone and try interesting things in the company of others. For example, we may have acquaintances at the office or at school with whom we get along well, but Making plans and meeting in another environment can take friendship to the next level.
5. Stay close
Once we have managed to establish a friendship with someone, it is important to maintain frequent contact with said person. We’re not going to become stalkers or anything, but showing interest by texting to see how our friend is doing is a good way to stay close. We must be careful not to invade each other’s personal space. or else it would be counterproductive.
6. Develop new hobbies
If you have diverse hobbies, it will be easier to connect with others. Therefore, dedicate time to learning or developing projects associated with the desire to learn or to establish hobbies; Even if some of them are not done in a group, they will indirectly make it easier for you to have topics of conversation.
And what’s more, you can always look for friends in groups and forums of people with those same interests, thanks to the diversity of platforms available on the Internet.