I Don’t Know Whether To End My Relationship: What Should I Do?
When the couple is at the beginning of the relationship, they feel that they are omnipotent, that they can do everything, that they will achieve everything and that they will be together forever. He is immune to any negative opinion. The long-awaited fairy tale begins, and the set of experiences typical of a romantic film in which the prince and princess live happily ever after.
But little by little the honeymoon ends when both of them do not grow emotionally together in the same way, when they stop investing their energy and passion in falling in love and understanding each other as human beings, when they do not adequately manage the day-to-day conflicts with a being of whom you were not made in the image and likeness, who does not share your same point of view, and suddenly they returned to reality, and the inevitable arrives: separation or worse still, the uncertainty of not knowing whether or not to separate from the couple is the best option.
Some reach a point where they don’t know whether to continue with the relationship whether because of the feeling of guilt, because one should not fail to fulfill the agreed commitment, because one part says that I should not do it, that love or marriage is forever and I must endure it like a good Samaritan.
The important thing is to identify what is happening with the couple, with that group of people, with the interaction between them. Has your partner stopped being attracted to the idea of spending a life together? As long as there is love, there will be the necessary motivation to learn and grow together. However, as the cover of a book says: love is not enough.
You should separate from your partner when you feel that you are not in sync with him or her on common objectives, goals or projects, or when your principles and values are non-negotiable. When you feel that your partner’s sadness or joy is indifferent to you, when they stopped being friends, confidants. Before you were the first person to whom you ran to tell your fears, your failures and she or him in the same way; Now you don’t care if he is sad or happy, his suffering no longer hurts you.
When you feel that everyday life with your partner has become an unbearable routine. When you feel like you’ve exhausted all possibilities. When there is abuse involved, in any of its forms: psychological, physical, sexual, economic. Stop justifying their behavior, whatever the reason, it is not sufficient cause to continue allowing this damage to your person.
It is not advisable to make the decision when you have finished fighting or at the time of the fight, because they will be superficial decisions, in which you are not thinking clearly, it is better that the anger passes. To decide to separate from your partner, first exhaust all possibilities, talk, and if you feel that you cannot control the situation, ask for help, perhaps your decision may even be reformulated, and you will be missing a great opportunity to learn from the situation. Psychologists specializing in Couples Therapy will be able to guide you, resolve your specific doubts about your case, and heal emotional wounds that are not allowing you to have a healthy relationship.
The first stage is known as falling out of love, something is happening with the couple, you cannot explain it, but you feel “that nothing is like before” the magic has been lost and the conflicts increase day by day and the situation becomes unbearable , and this is where the idea of separation arises.
Each individual goes through each of these stages at their own pace, and others get stuck in one of them, and can stay in that situation for years… Don’t rush to make a decision, talk to your partner and seek help, sometimes A specialist is needed to see aspects that we are not seeing and that are the solution to so much discomfort.
How to deal with the separation?
Accepting separation as such is the only means by which you will emerge victorious because the more blind you are to seeing reality, the more damage you are causing to yourself, no matter how painful it is, learn to live with that pain, do not deny it, do not reject it, it is part of your experiences, it is part of your life.
Also accepting the emotions that this separation generates, respecting your own time, each one has their own rhythm, do not rush this to pass quickly, your pain and sadness deserve their own space. Why is it wrong to be sad? Why do you rush your sadness to go away quickly?
Stop looking for culprits or the needy “why”, you don’t need them because they won’t help you but on the contrary they will increase your vain hope. Remember that there is no single way to be well, going out to the clubs may have worked for your friends, but the same remedy is not always good for everyone.
Don’t be aware of what your partner does, he may be doing better than you, but don’t torment yourself thinking that you weren’t doing his life any favors. Benefit from the company of your loved ones, give them back the time you didn’t give them. Don’t desperately seek to change your “single” label; the ideal person will come into your life as an option, not as a necessity. Don’t make hasty decisions, such as leaving your job where you are, or going abroad, as a way to escape from your reality.
And if you feel that none of this is working and you feel stuck in this situation, ask for help. Some people need special support to get ahead. I am a psychotherapist psychologist specializing in couple relationships and emotional dependency, I am here to accompany you in this decision process and move towards a new opportunity to live in fullness and well-being. Glad to be able to accompany you on this path of healing.
