Emotions are reactions or responses of our body to stimuli. These stimuli can be external or internal. An external stimulus is anything that happens outside your body and an internal stimulus is anything that happens inside your body, such as thoughts.. That is, we have the ability to perceive everything that passes from the skin inwards and also outwards.
Both work at the same time and constantly feed each other. But this happens mainly unconsciously, without us realizing what is happening. Therefore the tendency is to react unconsciously.
Our emotions are our great superpower, because they offer us the way to know if something is important or not to us. All emotions are necessary and valid, personally I do not believe that there are negative or positive emotions. There are certainly emotions that are pleasant and others that are painful. However, no one can argue with us about what we feel. We can argue thoughts, judgments, interpretations, but not what we feel.
All emotions are messengers to tell us that there are actions we need to take.
Understanding that emotions are like signals that tell me that there are actions that I need to attend to has helped me in two ways. On the one hand, to feel what I feel, to stop fighting not to perceive those that are not pleasant, such as sadness, anger or shame. Since these are when I do not reject them and consciously feel them, I can stop suffering and pay attention to myself with curiosity.
Here comes the other important aspect, the other sense that serves me a lot, is knowing that each emotion tells me that I have a deep need. By facing my emotion knowing that there is a need that is important to me and that requires action on my part, I can accept and face it with genuine curiosity, without judgment.
Both the deep associated need and the action required to satisfy it are individual; each person has our own and very particular set of needs, which also transform with each life experience.
Compassion or love that wants to put a stop to suffering
Emotions cannot and do not want to be controlled. They are bodily reactions that can be triggered and fueled by an external situation or a thought. What we can do is learn to manage our response to the altered emotional state, that is, learn to recognize what I feel, take it with gentle curiosity and consciously decide what is the best way to act, considering the context and my feelings. needs.
There are emotional states that are so painful and when we grew up we learned to reject them in order to cope with them. I am going to use anger, frequently we get angry and react without clear awareness of what triggered it, in such a way that we end up ashamed for “having exploded” or worse still, we do nothing, which leads us to feel sad because we do not We knew how to take care of ourselves. However, if when we get angry, we manage to stop, recognize the anger but be aware that I am not my emotion, take a pause and when we can investigate what really affects me (search for my deep need) and from there respond. This is what is aspired to with the efficient management of emotions.
It is not the same to spend an entire weekend watching television to avoid being sad because I broke up with my partner, than to consciously recognize that I am sad because of the separation and that I need time in which I do not demand anything from myself and I spend my time watching TV. . This is an example of knowing what saddens me and taking an action that benefits me while being aware of it.
Another very important aspect to take into account is to pay attention, especially to the body. Recognize body signals for our different emotional states. And even more important is to pay attention to ourselves when we recognize that we are in an altered emotional state. The first person who needs attention needs to be me, only then can I be useful to others when my emotional state is triggered..
In summary, for effective emotional management, it helps us to incorporate new elements that are acquired with practice, one is awareness, another is compassion, attention to body signals and attending to our needs first. Consciousness to be able to observe and recognize what I feel and think. Compassion so I can be kind enough to myself to feel what I need to feel, without feeling sorry for myself and wanting my suffering to stop. The body signals, in addition to bringing me to the present moment, help me recognize what is happening to me and attending to myself first is what will take me to the level where I can respond efficiently.