Infidelity in the Couple

Couples often come to a psychologist’s office looking for a solution to infidelity on the part of one of their members. It is a complex issue that brings great suffering.

Couples often come to a psychologist’s office looking for a solution to infidelity on the part of one of their members. It is a complex issue that causes great suffering for both parties. Obviously, the person who has been unfaithful feels bad, but the person who has been unfaithful also tends to experience feelings of guilt, frustration, etc.

The person who has been unfaithful generally feels at a crossroads and often feels stuck. He doesn’t know whether to forgive, whether to cut off the relationship, whether to take revenge, whether to get angry or be sad… the person who has been unfaithful does not know how to act, whether to talk about it, whether to keep quiet, whether to be more affectionate, whether to act normally… and This, in turn, generates tension in the relationship that makes coexistence very difficult and can wear it down to the point of breaking up. What to do then? let a professional help you.

How do psychologists act in these cases?

The most important thing is, first of all, to assess the dynamics of the relationship and the values it maintains, since infidelity is not the same for those who perceive that it is something forgivable, as for those who perceive it as an act of extreme betrayal. , it is not the same in open relationships as in more traditional ones…. On the other hand, we must evaluate why it happened, if the relationship had shortcomings, problems… and what led the person to commit infidelity.

The psychologist will work on the feelings of both parties, their communication dynamics, what could have led them to reach this point, forgiveness, the expression of feelings… both jointly and separately, of each member of the couple.

A question that usually generates discomfort is why, why has he been unfaithful to me or why have I ended up being so? It is a question that is sometimes simple, and other times complex, since sometimes the person is aware of why he has been unfaithful and expresses it clearly, and, on other occasions, not even the person himself is able to understand why he has been unfaithful. acted in this way and his partner demands an explanation. In this case, the psychologist helps find the basis of the problem, since it is essential to continue working therapeutically with the couple.

What is the purpose pursued in therapy?

It may seem like an obvious question, it could be your answer to make the couple well again and that “nothing has happened”, but this purpose will depend on each couple and the point at which they are. The essential thing and the ultimate objective is that each part of the relationship feels good, and this can be together or separately. Obviously, if both have attended therapy together and wish to continue with their relationship, it will be what is sought in the first instance, but, if the relationship does not allow them to be happy, tools will be given so that the person can detect it and be able to continue. by itself.

Ultimately, it will be whoever comes to the consultation who makes the decisions. The psychologist cannot tell you if you should forgive or not, but he can help you express how you feel, so that if you decide to forgive, you will be able to do so, so that you will not. Don’t torture yourself or blame yourself, so that your relationship dynamics improve…. You choose the path and the psychologist helps you follow it.

Can you continue a relationship after infidelity?

Yes, when both parties want to continue, they put themselves in the hands of a psychologist and work to restore their relationship. They usually come out of the therapy very strengthened and discover that their relationship is stronger than they thought. It’s about weighing whether it’s worth it to forgive or whether you prefer not to.