​Knowing How to Manage Happiness: Practical Guide

A few days ago I had a very interesting conversation with a colleague and great friend, about life and how to deal with it properly.

His experience, like mine, when talking with patients and also with acquaintances and friends, is summarized in that generally life is perceived as something complicated and happiness as something ethereal, immaterial and constantly escaping. That it is a perishable state, temporarily short, almost unattainable, that is outside somewhere, that does not depend on oneself, that cannot be controlled…

However, can we be happy even when immersed in painful situations? Does happiness depend exclusively on what one has achieved, or on everything around us being perfect and wonderful? Doesn’t happiness depend on how we manage it?

What really is happiness?

Happiness is usually described as a state of great spiritual and physical satisfaction with the absence of inconveniences or setbacks. It is a state that would be achieved when we achieve our objectives.

However, there are people who, even having their basic needs covered (having a job, resources, housing, family and friends, etc.) are not happy… Why does this happen?

Here we should mention what in social psychology is called locus of control (LC). It is the belief (and its assumption) according to which the events that happen to us depend exclusively on external forces that we do not control (External LC) or on our own effort (Internal LC).

It is clear that We do not always show a single LC since it is a continuum through which we move according to events, but we do set a trend.

Know how to manage happiness

Thus, those people with an internal CL will be more likely to take responsibility for their own actions, they will be less influenced by the opinions of others, they will tend to perceive themselves as efficient and confident in their obligations, they will tend to make an effort in what they do. , and will report being happier and more independent.

In contrast, those with an external LC, They blame forces outside of them for everything that happens to them, they tend to attribute any success or failure they obtain to luck or chance, they do not believe they are capable of changing their situation through their own efforts, frequently feeling hopeless or powerless in the face of difficult situations; For this reason, they are more likely to experience what is known as “learned hopelessness.”

The way we learn to manage happiness through the locus of control Therefore, it greatly influences what we feel.

What does it mean to be happy?

In our experience (mine personally and also that of my colleague) happiness lies within us, is an internal state of peace and well-being. We must differentiate it from joy and satisfaction, since these are temporary feelings.

Aristotle already mentioned that “happiness depends on ourselves.” For his part, Lao Tzu understood that “happiness lies in the ability to live and enjoy the present moment, since if one was dwelling on the past or constantly projecting the future, anxiety and stress would develop.”

When we manage to quiet our minds, manage and fully enjoy our present and who we are, we can feel immersed in an ocean of peace and well-being, which leads us to experience that long-awaited happiness. Understanding it in this way, it becomes an almost constant state, not so fickle, that lasts even in painful or complicated moments of our lives.

Be happy It doesn’t mean that at a certain moment you can’t cry due to a loss, or we may be stressed by a certain event, on the contrary, this state will allow us to have more resources and strengths to cope with those events, since our way of thinking will not depend on the external, it will be unrelated to it, allowing us to adapt to each circumstance, allowing us to see the exit of the tunnel at all times, providing that light that guides and elevates us.