Love is the force that moves the world. Most people have fallen in love or will fall in love at some point in their lives, and with this they will experience a large number of sensations linked to the person who is the object of their love. There are multiple ways to love, mostly positive.
However, in some cases we may find that what started as a crush can lead to an obsession. This is what is known as limerence or limerenza
It is understood as limerence mental state characterized by an obsessive need to be lovingly reciprocated by a person who is esteemed by the person who suffers from it.
In limerence, the person who suffers from it has intrusive thoughts about the loved one, their well-being and the desire for correspondence that take up considerable time in their daily lives and cause the person to ignore any other concerns. There is also a very intense fear of rejection, as well as shyness in his presence. The person who is the object of desire is usually idealized, as well as there are feelings of euphoria in his presence.
This infatuation with obsessive characteristics lasts for years or even decades. Somatic symptoms may also appear, such as tachycardia and palpitations, tremors, pupillary dilation, sweating, facial redness, appetite problems, stuttering and agitation (all of them typical elements that occur in falling in love).
This mental state has great repercussions on the daily lives of people who suffer from it. Specifically, It is not uncommon for them to reduce their social life and isolate themselves progressively as your thoughts are focused on the person who causes your obsession. It also influences their work and academic performance, making it difficult to concentrate and reducing productivity. The subject usually spends a large part of his time thinking about the loved one and what a possible ideal relationship with him or her would imply.
Differences from usual falling in love
In reality, limerence has a great resemblance to a normative infatuation, with most of the characteristics mentioned so far being considerably similar. However, the truth is that limerence It has characteristics that make it no longer a case of falling in love as such and it begins to look more like an obsessive-type disorder (in fact, some authors classify it as such).
First of all, there are the aforementioned recurring and intrusive thoughts, although to a certain extent they can be common in some people in love. Likewise, limerence taken to the extreme can lead to the initiation of predatory, persecutory and harassing behavior towards the person one claims to love. In limerence, likewise, the need to guarantee the affection of the other prevails. regardless of the respect, intimacy and commitment that the other person requires
Although originally the well-being of the person is intended, it can reach the point of causing harm. Any act or action of the person who is the object of desire can be interpreted as a sign of loving correspondence. Likewise, it is not uncommon for one’s own personality to be changed in order to conform to and imitate that of another.
Although it is sometimes identified with the so-called lovesickness, the truth is that limerence has a relevant difference with it: in limerence there is some degree of obsessiveness with the other person and the desire to be reciprocated, which can alter interpersonal behavior and centralize behavior, thinking and the emotional sphere around the person in question.
To whom does he appear?
This mental state can occur with people you know or even with people you know. It is possible that there are cases in which it appears with people whom it has never seen physically and with whom there has been no contact (for example, through photographs).
But limerence does not have to occur only in cases where there is no relationship between the two people. It is possible that the person object of desire may have a real relationship with the person with limerence (either before or after the problem appears), although in these cases the obsessive characteristics tend to be maintained and tend to lead to relationships. of dependence and idealization.
Ways to combat it
Limerence is a problem that can lead to deep suffering for both the person who suffers from it and the object of their desire. Fighting it can be complicated especially when the subject is not aware or does not want to make any changes.
In some cases, time and the reflection that they do not have and will not have a relationship with the desired person and/or the visualization and awareness of the defects that he/she also has will decrease the level of idealization and obsession with her. However, In many cases some type of psychological intervention would be necessary
An example could be, given the obsessive characteristics of limerence, those used in an obsessive-compulsive disorder. Working with exposure with response prevention can be helpful, as well as An analysis of the person’s behavior and motivation is required what makes you feel the need to be reciprocated by said human being since you attribute it.
Cognitive restructuring is also useful, both regarding beliefs regarding the other person and those regarding oneself or what a relationship entails. Finally, emotional expression (as long as it is not used as a compulsion) can also be useful.
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This article has been reviewed by our editorial team at PsychologyFor to ensure accuracy, clarity, and adherence to evidence-based research. The content is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice.
