Sexuality is a phenomenon and can be considered an important part of our personality, involving biological, psychological, social factors… It is, in short, a complex concept in which both the mind and the body play an important role.
If we talk about sexuality, we also have to talk about eroticism, intimacy, desire and pleasure ; We must take into account that, beyond the reproductive function, it fulfills a vital emotional function, and we must know the meaning of concepts such as biological sex, sexual orientation or gender. And, only if we take all these factors into account, will we be understanding our sexuality in all its breadth, as that intrinsic aspect of our being that comes to shape our personal and social life.
And if sexuality is so important and at the same time so complex, how can we live it in a full and rewarding way? The answer can be found in the Mindfulness technique
The Mindfulness concept is applicable to many, if not all, aspects of our lives. Sexuality included. The Mindfulness technique consists of become able to achieve full attention in what we are doing If it is a sexual relationship, it will be about merging mind and body and surrendering to the relationship and the experience in a conscious and full way.
Fighting against the growing tendency to trivialize sexuality until it turns into gym sex or a simple masturbation with another person’s body, sexual Mindfulness techniques will allow us to focus on the present moment, on the shared magical moment, to enjoy it fully and experience pleasure in capital letters.
Focusing on the here and now will be the key and mastering the technique has the direct consequences of more intense pleasure, longer orgasms and better erections.
Human sexuality is in the brain, and that means we have the ability to improve it. It is not just an instinct, it is an attitude and experience that we can learn to live from another place Mindfulsex helps to overcome sexual dysfunctions such as anorgasmia, vaginismus, sex aversion, lack of desire, erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation.
One of the most immediate effects that we can achieve with the practice is to reduce rumination: what thoughts appear when we have sex? “I won’t be up to the task”, “he won’t like what I do to him”, “what if he’s not attracted to me”, “I smell bad”,… how do these thoughts make us feel? Perhaps distressed, sad, frustrated, with discomfort and stress. Mindfulsex helps us become aware and nothing more, without passing judgment simply being and opening ourselves to the experience as if it were the first time.
Achieving full attention in the sexual field
It is widely proven that meditation and conscious breathing exercises improve the quality of sexual relations. These exercises can be multiple and varied, adapting to each person and each couple, but we can summarize their essence in the following items:
If we start with relaxed and fluid breathing, body and mind will acclimatize. The goal we pursue by breathing is to truly stay in the here and now, and become aware of our emotions, our thoughts and our sensations. Coordinating breathing with your partner will generate an enhancing effect on sensations and a feeling of intimacy and deep connection, where there is nothing better to do or anywhere to go, just be here breathing, feeling ourselves, letting everything happen.
2. Conscious communication
Communication is an art and a training, from calm and mental clarity we can express what we feel and really need; Nonviolent communication generates harmony, openness, trust, well-being and connection. Expressing what I like and being grateful helps cultivate intimacy and enhances eroticism
3. The challenge of learning to feel pleasure
If we seek full sexuality we will have to be able to learn to enjoy it. Since we are usually trapped in thoughts in our minds, our bodies are asleep.
Learn to identify sensations, govern the senses, identify ourselves in pleasure and awaken our senses It will lead us to live sexuality more intensely.
From the theory to the practice
Aware that speaking theoretically is much simpler than putting mindfulness into practice, we are going to indicate some guidelines. Some actions or examples of behaviors that will guide us towards sexual well-being.
1. Breathe
Yes, it is advisable to insist on breathing because it plays a crucial role in both meditation and sexuality. During all phases of a sexual encounter, good breathing will allow us, on the one hand, to maintain the rhythm required by each phase, and on the other hand, show our degree of arousal to our partner which will allow us to better understand each other and generate connection.
It is very important to be able to detect our partner’s sensations, to know when their level of excitement increases; and vice versa, that our partner knows how to see when we are going to climax. Breathing will be this speaking without words so necessary for the success of the sexual relationship.
2. Kiss and caress consciously
Focusing solely and exclusively on each kiss and each caress we give is going to have a boomerang effect: everything we are giving is going to come back to us, because we will have achieved full concentration and this will open the door to pleasure
3. Forgetting the orgasm to reach it
It is common to be so aware of the moment in which we are going to reach orgasm that this causes a disconnection with the rest of the pleasurable sensations. Mindfulness teaches us that It’s about appreciating every touch on our skin and living in the here and now The path is pleasure.
