Why can we experience mixed feelings? How can we manage them? Discover the main causes to address these feelings and why they arise.
Emotions constitute a central element in the lives of human beings. Thanks to them we can successfully relate to our peers and the environment, as well as promote our survival. Despite their enormous value, the complexity involved in their operation means that they are still largely unknown to many. One of the experiences that produces the most strangeness for us is the one in which we feel emotions that are contrary to each other. Therefore, below, we are going to clarify what the mixed feelingswhy they may appear and how we can manage them.
We talk about mixed feelings when a person feels ambivalent emotions when faced with a certain stimulus, sometimes becoming diametrically opposed. Usually, this experience generates confusion and doubts in the individual, who feels trapped in a kind of equation without a solution. This is usually accompanied by a certain feeling of blockage, preventing decision-making or giving rise to incongruent behaviors.
We cannot ignore the fact that emotions, both the most pleasant and the most annoyingare important messengers. Thanks to them we can have a compass that indicates the most convenient route. When we detect contradictory messages, it is something like having a poorly calibrated compass that does not help us orient ourselves.
Why can mixed feelings occur?
Usually, behind emotions that clash with each other we find a phenomenon known as cognitive dissonance. This is defined as the experience through which a person can feel incongruence in their belief system. You may have contrary ideas at the same time, or your behavior may conflict with what you think. In any case, the person is immersed in a state of psychological tension that pushes you to look for a solution.
For example, a person may feel ambivalence toward the idea of changing jobsa step that can generate enormous fear due to the associated uncertainty, while awakening excitement and joy in pursuing a new goal. We can also see this experience when someone we love harms us in some way, thus intermingling affection with the pain and rejection that their actions awaken in us.
First of all, it is essential to clarify that ambivalence in our emotions is a normal phenomenon. The emotional world of people is complex and moves away from linear models. Therefore, having apparently contrary feelings It is a reflection of our nature rather than a possible psychopathology.
How to manage mixed feelings?
The fact that feeling contradictory emotions represents something natural does not mean that we should ignore their appearance. Emotions should always be attended to, since listening to them allows us to have more clarity and enjoy better emotional health. Next, we are going to comment on some keys to learn to appropriately manage mixed feelings:
The first step is give ourselves permission to experience themthat is, accepting the emotions we are feeling without judging. Many times, especially when emotions are very contrary, we make the mistake of telling ourselves that we should not feel what we feel, that we are bad people for feeling certain emotions… Little by little eliminating this attitude of rejection is a fundamental requirement.
make a analysis of what you feel and try to investigate the possible factors that have led you to feel that way. Sometimes, it is difficult for us to recognize certain situations that affect us and that we do not want to see. This happens a lot in the context of a couple, where we often avoid looking at the problems in the relationship, thus causing our emotions to warn us that something is not going correctly. For example, we can love our partner, but at the same time begin to feel rejection towards them.
Other important aspect has to do with communication. We must learn to communicate what happens to us inside, since when we get our feelings out they become more bearable and manageable. It is important to always do it assertively, trying to be clear without hurting the other’s feelings.
If you still notice that your contradictory feelings They become too overwhelming for you, do not hesitate to go to therapy and seek extra support to understand and manage them.
