Being in a relationship where one partner consistently does whatever they want without considering the other’s feelings or needs can be challenging and emotionally draining. It’s important to understand why this might be happening and how to approach the situation in a healthy way. This article will explore possible causes, potential impacts on your relationship, and strategies for addressing the issue.
There could be several reasons why your partner behaves this way. Some possible explanations include:
Lack of Respect for Boundaries: If your partner doesn’t recognize or respect your personal boundaries, they may feel entitled to act however they wish, regardless of how it affects you.
Narcissistic Traits: Individuals with narcissistic tendencies may prioritize their own needs and desires over those of their partners, which can lead to them acting without regard for your feelings.
Poor Communication Skills: Sometimes, people act impulsively because they haven’t learned effective communication skills. Your partner might not be aware of how their actions are affecting you.
Control Issues: Some individuals may try to exert control over their relationships by manipulating or disregarding their partner’s desires and needs.
Lack of Emotional Maturity: Emotional immaturity can manifest as a lack of consideration for the consequences of one’s actions, including how they might hurt or affect a partner.
Unresolved Personal Issues: External factors, such as stress, personal insecurities, or unresolved emotional issues, can sometimes cause a person to act out in ways that seem self-centered or inconsiderate.
The Impact of This Behavior on Your Relationship
When your partner constantly does whatever they want, without considering your feelings or needs, it can have serious consequences for your relationship:
Feelings of Resentment: Over time, you may begin to feel resentful, as your needs and feelings are continuously overlooked. This can lead to emotional distance and dissatisfaction in the relationship.
Communication Breakdown: If you’re not able to express how their actions are affecting you, communication may break down. A lack of open, honest dialogue can further erode the trust and connection in the relationship.
Loss of Personal Identity: Constantly accommodating your partner’s desires at the expense of your own may lead to a loss of your personal identity. You might feel like you’re giving up your interests, desires, and needs to keep the peace.
Emotional Burnout: Continuously feeling disregarded can lead to emotional exhaustion. The constant struggle of trying to communicate and assert yourself can drain your emotional resources.
Weakened Trust and Intimacy: Trust and intimacy are built on mutual respect and understanding. If your partner isn’t taking your needs into account, it can lead to a breakdown in trust and emotional closeness.
When to worry if my partner does whatever he wants
At this point, it is important to distinguish between healthy independence and problematic behavior. Below are some signs that may indicate when it is appropriate to worry.
Lack of compromise: If you notice that your partner shows an almost total lack of commitment in the relationship and does not seem to care about your needs or how you feel, it is cause for concern. Commitment is essential in a relationship, and if you don’t feel like you have it at almost any time, it could indicate that there are deeper problems.
Constant disregard: If your partner consistently acts inconsiderate and selfish, without caring about how his actions affect you, it is a clear sign that you should be concerned. Consideration and respect for others are essential in a healthy relationship.
Lack of communication: If lack of communication is a pattern in the relationship and your partner makes important decisions without consulting you or informing you, it implies that perhaps he no longer feels that your opinion is important to him. Open communication and joint decision making are essential in a strong relationship.
Denial: If your partner denies the existence of problems or avoids talking about any concerns or conflicts in the relationship, it can be worrying. Constant denial can make it difficult to solve problems and grow together.
emotional isolation: If you feel that your partner has become emotionally distant and seems to be avoiding intimacy of any kind with you, it is cause for concern. Intimacy and emotional connection are pillars.
Disruptive behavior: If your partner’s behavior causes you physical, emotional or psychological harm, it is a clear sign of concern. You should never tolerate abuse in a relationship and seek essential help in such cases.
What Can You Do If Your Partner Does Whatever He Wants?
It’s important to address this issue early before it damages the relationship further. Here are some strategies that may help:
Set Clear Boundaries: Make it clear what your personal boundaries are and what behavior is unacceptable. Setting firm boundaries is essential for protecting your emotional well-being.
Communicate Your Feelings: Have an honest conversation with your partner about how their behavior is making you feel. Use “I” statements (e.g., “I feel hurt when…”) to avoid sounding accusatory. This encourages open communication and helps your partner understand your perspective.
Seek Understanding: Ask your partner about their behavior and try to understand why they act the way they do. Sometimes, people act this way because they feel insecure, stressed, or unfulfilled. Understanding their perspective can help you both address the root cause of the issue.
Encourage Compromise: Relationships require give and take. Encourage your partner to consider your desires and needs while making decisions that affect both of you. Compromise is key to maintaining balance in a partnership.
Work on Building Mutual Respect: Respect is fundamental to any relationship. Work together to cultivate an environment of mutual respect where both partners feel valued and heard.
Seek Professional Help: If the behavior persists despite your efforts, it may be helpful to seek the guidance of a therapist or relationship counselor. Professional help can provide strategies for improving communication and resolving underlying issues in your relationship.
Evaluate the Relationship: If after attempting these strategies, your partner continues to ignore your needs and doesn’t make any effort to change, it may be time to evaluate whether this relationship is healthy for you. It’s important to be in a relationship where your feelings and needs are respected and valued.
In relationships, both partners should strive to prioritize each other’s feelings, communicate openly, and respect one another’s boundaries. If your partner constantly does whatever they want, it can cause emotional harm and strain the relationship. Setting clear boundaries, having open communication, and seeking professional help can improve the situation. However, if your partner refuses to respect your feelings or change their behavior, you may need to evaluate if this relationship is meeting your emotional and psychological needs.
FAQs on Dealing with Partners Who Do Whatever They Want
How can I make my partner understand how their actions affect me?
The key is open communication. Use “I” statements to express how their actions make you feel, and avoid sounding accusatory. By focusing on your feelings, you invite your partner to listen and understand your perspective.
What should I do if my partner refuses to change their behavior?
If your partner continues to disregard your feelings and refuses to change, it’s important to assess the overall health of the relationship. Consider seeking couples therapy or professional advice to determine whether this relationship is sustainable in the long term.
Can my partner’s behavior be a sign of deeper issues?
Yes, sometimes individuals act in self-centered ways due to unresolved personal issues, insecurities, or past trauma. Understanding the root cause can help address the behavior in a more compassionate way, but it’s also important that your needs are respected.
Is it normal for one partner to always make decisions without consulting the other?
No, in a healthy relationship, decisions should be made collaboratively, with both partners considering each other’s needs and feelings. If one partner consistently makes decisions without consultation, it can lead to imbalanced power dynamics and resentment.
How do I know if I’m being too accommodating in the relationship?
If you find yourself constantly putting your partner’s needs first while sacrificing your own desires, it’s a sign that you might be too accommodating. Healthy relationships involve a balance where both partners’ needs are acknowledged and met.
Bibliography
Anders, S.L., & Tucker, J.S. (2000). Adult attachment style, interpersonal communication competence, and social support. Personal Relationships, 7(4), 379-389. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1475-6811.2000.tb00023.x
Higuera, JAG (2002). The structure of the couple: implications for cognitive behavioral therapy. Redalyc.org. http://www.redalyc.org/articulo.oa?id=180618083004
Morfa, J.D. (2003). Prevention of relationship conflicts. Desclee De Brower. https://www.scenacriminis.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/Prevenci%C3%B3n-de-los-conflictos-de-pareja.pdf
