New Couple Dynamics

In recent years we have seen an important change in the roles of women and men in the family context.

This is evolving towards share parenting and household chores between both members of the couple. But this evolution is complicated because most of the time we lack a model to follow.

He “new pope“, for example, does not resemble the father role that we have seen thirty years before. And the “new mom” neither. Just as the couple does not have the same structure as in the past. That is why current couples, “young” families, sometimes do not know whether to be guided by what they remember from their childhood, or by what they currently have. they need and reality demands of them.

In some cases, this generates recriminations, feelings of loneliness, disappointments and conflicts that we could summarize as ROLE CONFLICT

It would help us to ask ourselves the following questions:

What is expected of me?

Am I taking my partner into account?

Or do I take it for granted that things are like this?

Do we have a balanced distribution of work?

Do we share parenthood or does one assume most of the work/decisions?

We must ask ourselves if we are a equipment, if we feel that the other is there and we can count on him. If we believe that we may be abusing the other or vice versa, it could be that the distribution of responsibilities falls more on our side. Sometimes the consequences of not taking these kinds of things into account are unresolved disappointments and anger that settle in the depths of the relationship, and that can end up having negative repercussions on the couple

Becoming aware of how we do it helps identify ancient mechanisms or roles that no longer usually give the same result and that many times we have simply imitated, without realizing that we are no longer in the same situation, that things have changed.

The best way to handle this is sit down with your partner and establish pacts about responsibilities. Be honest with yourself and with the other party to agree on the distribution that best suits each couple, taking into account the specific circumstances and the contribution of each one. There is no single way to do it, each couple can establish their own. The condition is that both members agree, and do not feel abuse by the other party, but that what each one contributes is compensated, even if it is different.

And when can we have this conversation?

There are key moments when it would be appropriate, such as the beginning of cohabitation, the arrival of a child, life/work changes that may require an adaptation.

Listen, put ourselves in the other person’s shoes, attend to their needs, take them into account …helps us to be better organized in household chores and in the upbringing/education of children. But, above all, it makes us feel that we are a team, which reinforces and confirms that the chosen partner is the right one.

Red Loam.