Obsessive Ruminations In Grief: What They Are And How They Appear
A grieving process is a complex process, both psychologically and emotionally, that we face when we lose a loved one (for example in a death, separation…).
Each person experiences it in their own way, although it is true that many times we need professional help to overcome this vital stage.
On the other hand, obsessive ruminations in grief occur in many people But what do these consist of? What characteristics do they have? How do they appear? Do they have any psychological function? What examples of them do we know? In this article we will answer all these questions.
Before delving into the topic of obsessive ruminations in grief, let’s remember what obsessive ruminations are. These consist of a type of repetitive thinking that generates anxiety and discomfort and that does not allow us to reach any valid conclusion (in short, it is about mulling over persistent ideas).
In grieving processes (when a family member or friend dies, in a separation or divorce, etc.), this type of rumination often appears.
Regarding its characteristics, we know that they entail a lack of action in the person who suffers them (that is, passivity) as well as a lack of expression of affection and a loss of the general vision of things (because with them, we focus on a single part of reality).
How do they appear?
How do obsessive ruminations appear in grief? We know that these manifest themselves frequently, through uncontrolled and intrusive thoughts : they emerge into consciousness without our intending to, and without warning.
The forms they adopt are, such as: “What if…”, “If I could go back…”, “It’s all my fault,” “If I had acted differently…”, “I can’t live without him/her,” “I can’t. I can live without him/her”, etc.
These thoughts appear in the person’s mind recurrently (repetitively), and They tell us about aspects, situations or elements that our mind cannot yet accept ; All of this is related to three main elements: the circumstances of that person’s death, the relationship we have lost, and the consequences of said loss.
How do they act?
Obsessive ruminations in grief manifest themselves through a searching tendency; that is, through them, We explore certain elements or circumstances that (we hope) explain or justify the cause of death of that person we have lost
We have given some examples of such ruminations; We also know that many times these take the form of a question. In this way, through them we ask ourselves: Why? As was? What happened?
Obsessive ruminations in grief also manifest themselves through a great fixation on the details that accompany the death of that person ; Most of the time these are insignificant details or those that are not really important.
Thus, the “little voice” (a foreign, imagined voice) that asks us, ourselves, becomes constant: What if…? (“And if she hadn’t acted like that, and if he had fired me, and if she had told him that she loved him, and if…”).
Through these ruminations, We become obsessed with answering questions that surely have no answer believing that this response will bring us a feeling of relief (when in reality, it does not have to be that way).
Targeting
On the other hand, through these intrusive thoughts we focus on the negative symptoms that have arisen as a result of the death for which we are grieving as well as the possible causes and consequences of it.
We also focus – and this is very common -, through these thoughts, on trying to understand the reason for said death (we look for a meaning to it, a meaning). The result of all these processes is that We tend to go over and over things or ideas without reaching any clear (or healing) answer wearing down our mood and energy.
On the other hand, obsessive rumination in grief, as its name suggests, is based on obsession. In obsessions, the experience of reality is mental; what does that mean? That we do not live, but we think about living. Thus, everything focuses on our mind, on turning things over, on looking for answers, on wandering… without actually putting anything into practice.
In this mental experience, we focus on a specific aspect of our reality (or some of them); In this case, aspects related to the death of the deceased person, or to our grieving process. As a result of all this, what happens is that we lose the overview of the situation ; We miss a large part of reality, due to our fixation on carefully analyzing only a part of it (often, a tiny part of it).
In this way, we lose a lot of relevant information (information that, it must be said, for us at that moment has no meaning or importance). This results in a loss of perspective and objectivity and in a fragmented and reductionist vision of what is really happening around us.
Thus, we can characterize (or define) the obsession typical of obsessive ruminations in grief, as a rigid and inflexible cognitive fixation, which does not allow us to advance in our grieving process and which, in addition, hinders a healthy and adaptive process.
Consequences of rumination
The fixation on only one part of reality that has as a direct consequence an inaction on our part ; In this way, we do not act, we only think (more than thinking, we “obfuscate” ourselves in certain types of thinking).
Added to this inaction (or passivity) is a great feeling of loneliness, characteristic of this life stage that we are experiencing, which is grief.
This way, People who have frequent obsessive ruminations in grief tend to tend to isolate themselves which prevents them from connecting with their environment (this includes the things around them, the people, the landscape…) and with themselves.
Obsessive ruminations in grief also have an impact on the behavior of the person who is experiencing this process, which translates into: looking at the ground, talking to oneself (or to the circumstances), losing contact with the environment and with oneself. themselves, etc.
Regarding the latter, it frequently happens that the person has difficulties connecting with their subjective experience and with what they are explaining to others.
Psychological functions
However, although obsessive ruminations in grief are a somewhat pathological mechanism, it is also true that They fulfill a series of psychological functions This is because the mind, although it sometimes plays its “traps” on us, will often have the function of protecting itself (or avoiding suffering).
These functions, proposed by Payás (2008), are classified into three large groups: related to the trauma of death, related to bonding, and related to the denial of pain Let’s see what functions correspond to each group and what each of them consists of:
1. In relation to the trauma of death
In this case, the psychological functions of obsessive ruminations are two: improve predictability (of what will happen), and seek meaning in death
2. Regarding the link
Here we also find two functions: on the one hand, to repair the feeling of guilt, and on the other, to continue the connection (relationship) with that person who is no longer there.
3. In relation to the denial of pain
Finally, in the third group we find the following functions of ruminations: offer a sense of control and stability and stabilize the fragile and dependent ego that we have left after the tragic event.
