Passive-aggressive Behavior: Its 10 Characteristics
Aggressiveness is a basic trait in many of the animals that populate the earth. The most common thing is that it is a range of acts motivated by fear and/or anger, but other realities may also be involved whose purpose is connected to survival itself (such as sexual dominance, territoriality, etc.).
It is, therefore, a phenomenon that is usually projected outwards and becomes very evident at the moment in which it is expressed. It generates objective physical harm in others, or has a deterrent intention regarding situations that are interpreted in a hostile or dangerous way (gestures, intentions, threats, etc.).
In humans, however, aggressiveness can take on much more subtle forms, which are not detected with the same speed and whose purpose is to cause less obvious (but equally severe) damage than that indicated up to this point.
In these cases we talk about passive-aggressive behavior, a phenomenon that makes use of our cognitive skills and abilities to veil hostile social acts whose consequences have a painful impact on emotional life. In this article we will address this interesting question in detail.
Passive-aggressive behavior was considered, some years ago, as part of a structured personality disorder with its own clinical entity. Despite this, in the DSM editions after the third, it was excluded to avoid the possible overdiagnosis that it seemed to precipitate. From that moment, and until today, It has been considered a trait that accompanies cluster B personality psychopathologies (especially the narcissistic, the borderline and the antisocial), although they do not always appear together.
These are behaviors of a non-verbal nature, although sometimes they can also take on the weight of explicit words, or pregnant with a sordid anger hidden behind the mask of their fragile fiction.
Thus, even silences can express a sharp edge, or become the weapon with which to probe emotional wounds. Anger emerges as the most frequent internal state, although people choose not to reveal it to others, thus translating into a form of psychological abuse that severely damages those close to them and erodes the quality of the bond.
Passive-aggressive behavior does not aspire to resolve conflicts, but rather aims to the ambiguous expression of emotions and the production of some silent grievance However, it could only be considered truly pathological when it became consolidated as the most common social dynamic in interpersonal relationships. Let’s see, in more detail, what it consists of.
Most important characteristics of passive-aggressive behavior
Below you will find some of the basic characteristics of passive-aggressive personalities. Not all individuals who show it comply with its entirety, but rather a pattern is usually presented that combines them in a particular way for each case.
1. Passive resistance and ambiguity
It is common for a passive-aggressive attitude to occur with what is known as passive resistance In this case, the person would show complete agreement with what they suggest, and might even willingly accept such requests for help, but would subsequently act as if he really opposed them. He may ignore the corresponding responsibility or proceed in a deliberately clumsy manner, so that the final result would become insufficient or counterproductive. In this way, he would show his disagreement with the original request made to him, but without communicating it openly.
This ambiguity has an intentional character and seeks to drag the other into a terrain in which unpredictability or the absolute absence of control reigns, extending an opaque veil over true intentions. That is why complaints about such a situation are subject to a twisted response, since the passive-aggressive subject resorts to detaching himself from responsibility with excuses such as: “I tried with all my energy, but it couldn’t be done.”
2. Feeling of incomprehension and lack of appreciation
People who frequently display passive-aggressive behavior often make constant statements about feeling misunderstood by others, or use all kinds of emotional blackmail to obtain the benefit they seek. Among them, it is common to accuse others of lacking affection, or to make burdensome comparisons in which others are involved, such as “you treat everyone well except me” or “why don’t you love me anymore?” . With such an attitude, toxic and intentional, they try to manipulate the interlocutor’s affection.
Those who are subject to these practices can end up feeling guilty for things for which they have not the slightest responsibility, which hurts their own self-esteem (until they understand the other’s true motivations and relativize their effect).
3. Sullenness
Sullenness is a core characteristic of passive-aggressive people. It stands as a harsh, impolite and insensitive attitude that is displayed when they perceive themselves as upset during their interactions with others. The common thing is that they are triggered by criticism, and their objective is to generate an uncomfortable atmosphere in which a “turn of events” is provoked that benefits them or that reverses the burden of the “accusations.” That is, it seeks to make others recognize that they have gone too far in transmitting their discontent to them.
As you live with these people, and especially if the proximity began during childhood, it is very likely that your ability to interact assertively (exchanges through which your own rights are defended while respecting them) will be reduced. those of others).
Passive-aggressive subjects They have enormous difficulties recognizing authority in other people , because it is very difficult for them to tolerate the imposition of standards other than those they choose for themselves and for others. This trait worsens during adolescence, an evolutionary stage in which an oppositional response (reactance) to hierarchies and power often occurs, although in this case it is maintained with the same intensity upon reaching adulthood. In this way, they do not distinguish well between respect for the rules by which life in common is governed and obeisance in the face of oppression.
It is very common for this way of feeling and acting to cause problems of a very diverse nature, ranging from maladjustment to the context of work or academic life to the risk of sanctions for disobedience to legitimate authority figures.
5. Envy
Envy is also a frequent trait for the case at hand, and it interacts very closely with others described in this list. Although they may congratulate others on their achievements and be delighted to meet them, they harbor within themselves a negative emotion as a result of these (and specifically of not being able to take ownership of them or consider them their own). Sometimes, They go so far as to minimize the relevance of such other people’s merits and to underline previous failures or even the risks that they may become diluted or unsuccessful in the future.
They may also accuse others that their success has been due to external factors, beyond their effort and ability. For example, they usually emphasize the contribution of chance, luck, or the demands of the task itself (“it was very easy”).
6. Complaints about bad luck
The plaintive/pessimistic tendency is common in people with a passive-aggressive attitude. An attitude characterized by self-condescension and the desire for others to feel sorry for them, for which they do not hesitate to proclaim every misfortune that they have experienced as the root of whatever they can be blamed for. They tend to make others believe that their failures have been caused by external factors, such as fate or fortune, and they even blame third parties for having boycotted their efforts to achieve what they resisted.
So, They rarely admit their mistakes , although they do care about highlighting those of others. That is why they often say about themselves that they are sincere people, even though they ignore (or degrade) all the good things that their loved ones have or do.
7. Oscillation between defiance and regret
Although the attitude in question is usually characterized by the expression of veiled violence, sometimes those who display it relate in a quarrelsome and belligerent way (as if they enjoyed navigating in an environment clouded by conflicts).
They frequently strive to engage those close to them in sterile wars, which they fuel without hesitation through harmful comments and the leaking of the secrets they entrust to them (“I’m going to tell you something, but don’t say I mentioned it to you.” I”). As time goes by, they are often considered people who “can’t be told anything”
At the very moment in which the tidal wave of the conflict is resolved, and those involved analyze its why, they can end up allying themselves against the passive-aggressive person who motivated such a hostile situation. When asked for explanations, they most commonly respond by denying all the facts and generating alternative versions (which include lies). Finally, when placed in a scenario from which there is no escape, he chooses to beg for forgiveness and promote feelings of pity.
8. Self-sabotage of work you don’t feel like doing
Something very common, closely associated with the passive-aggressive trait, is the sabotage of all activities that respond to an external demand. In these cases, When you demand something that you don’t really want to do, an attitude of hindrance appears that makes the demanding subject desperate Forgetfulness, slowness, poor collaboration and even procrastination; They are deliberate responses that aim to motivate a form of succinct aggression: hindrances in work/academic responsibilities, delays in shared projects, etc.
On other occasions, what the subject intends is to generate damage that frees him from all responsibilities for the future, given that he would no longer be trusted and would be able to dedicate his time to the activities that interest him.
9. Complaint that other people make excessive demands and tendency to overargue
In order to free themselves from responsibility, they sometimes go so far as to accuse others of demanding too many tasks, to the point of overwhelming their coping resources. Thus They may report that they feel “stressed” by the activities they have been assigned , despite the fact that there is no reasonable evidence for this complaint. When the reasons underlying such refusals are delved into, they allude to a string of disjointed arguments, behind which reality is hidden: exercising a form of covert aggression (depriving them of the help they need or stimulating dependency).
10. Obstruction of other people’s efforts
In addition to not participating in the efforts that are articulated to achieve a common goal, passive-aggressive people can exercise violence, making it difficult for others to achieve success in their own tasks.
All of this could be carried out through direct (but subtle) “actions”, or through attacks on the emotional waterline (discouraging, sowing insecurities, increasing the demands of a task, promoting events that hinder the dedication of the necessary effort or time, etc.).
The objective of all this would be to prevent the success of others, generate hidden harm and even stimulate an unfortunate situation in the person who is the object of their latent aggression.
