Perfectionistic Personality: Why is Perfectionism Synonymous with Frustration?

Do you think you are a perfectionist person? Do you know that being a perfectionist can be negative? Discover the hidden side of perfectionism and how it can affect your mental health.

There are many occasions in which we consider perfectionism as a good trait of our personality. But in reality, perfectionist people can have quite a few problems with themselves. Even in some cases being a perfectionist turns against them. Discover the dark side of perfectionism.

What is it to be a perfectionist?

He perfectionism in psychology It is defined as a personality characteristic that has two aspects: the favorable one (when perfectionist people are responsible with their attitude) and the unfavorable one (when problems such as anticipatory anxiety arise).

In this sense being perfectionist, which is an enormous advantage in some areas, can become an emotional handicap that seriously damages the health of the individual, to the point of becoming a trait that nullifies the initial virtue. In these cases, perfectionism is synonymous with frustration since it can produce anxiety that, if sustained for a while, can lead to a disorder that harms most of your life.

He perfectionist you will have to accept and regulate that personality attribute, acquiring psychological strategies that neutralize the unpleasant aspects of perfectionism.

The perfectionist person It is one who tends to seek perfection in everything she does, she tries to improve it over and over again. In psychology, perfectionism consists of the belief that perfection can and should be achieved. And it is a belief because the person becomes convinced that anything below his ideal of perfection is unacceptable.

Am I a perfectionist person?

The perfectionists They have many features that can benefit them in their daily lives. On the other hand, they also suffer from some traits that can be self-destructive.

1. All or nothing thinking: The perfectionist people They tend to have their sights set on the highest goals and work hard to achieve them. Although this is a good way to get motivation, the reality is that the perfectionist can never accept anything that is not perfect, seeing his achievements as a failure.
2. Self-critical: The perfectionist person He usually carries a critic in his head who is constantly pointing out everything he does wrong. Furthermore, they tend to focus on the errors and imperfections that they detect in them and end up not seeing all the good that characterizes them.
3. Driven by fear: People who succeed are usually attracted to their goals by the desire they feel to achieve them. Instead, a perfectionist personality She usually finds herself pushed towards her goals by the fear of not being able to reach them.
4. Lack of realism: There are many cases in which the perfectionists They end up setting almost unattainable goals. Although one of the keys to success is precisely to try to aspire to the highest, in reality a perfectionist person ends up having very unrealistic expectations.
5. Focused on results: Successful people focus on enjoying the entire process, while the perfectionist you can only see the result or the goal. In this way, they are so concerned with achieving the goal and avoiding failure that they cannot enjoy the process of growing and striving.
6. Depressed by unfulfilled goals: One of the most common traits of a perfectionist personality It is precisely that they find it difficult to recover from their own disappointments. So much so that they tend to punish themselves and wallow in the negative thoughts that arise from their failed goals.
7. Fear to fail: Fear of failure is one of the most visible characteristics in a perfectionist personality Being very inclined to see the bad in their actions, it is very likely that they have an excessive fear of failure.
8. Procrastination: Although it may seem contradictory, the reality is that a perfectionist person He has a clear tendency to procrastinate. This is because their fear of failure prevents them from starting a difficult task that they are unlikely to do perfectly.
9. Defensiveness: to one perfectionist person You cannot criticize their attitude since they take it, in most cases, defensively. Even though it is constructive criticism, they will see it as pointing out their imperfection.
10. Low self-esteem: Due to his constant self-criticism and lack of realism, the perfectionists They tend to suffer from low self-esteem. In this way, perfectionism feeds on this lack of self-esteem, further damaging the mental health of those affected.

If you think you have many of these traits of a perfectionism poorly handled, it is important that you work on them either with your own tools or with the help of a mental health professional.

Positive aspects of perfectionism

Perfectionism does not have to be bad or considered pathological. In fact, we can meet many people with traits of perfectionist personality who adequately manage their personal qualities or abilities in the different areas of their life, feeling satisfied and in balance, both at work and at personal, family or social levels.

They are responsible, hard-working people, with the ability to analyze and have a global vision of things, who in a given situation are capable of taking the reins and making important decisions. They are loyal and fair, which is why they usually maintain very good friendships and long-lasting relationships.

Negative aspects of perfectionism

However, like coins, perfectionism It has two faces. In this case, the hidden side of obsessive perfectionism is usually more harmful. Perfectionist people can take these characteristics of their personality to the extreme and this generates great general dissatisfaction with life.

The problem of perfectionist personality It arises when they become hyper-responsible, they can even consider whether they are addicted to work, or that perseverance leads them to an ambition for which they never feel satisfied with what they have achieved or achieved. This demand can also be projected onto others and can cause difficulties in work or personal relationships.

Furthermore, in these cases The perfection It is synonymous with some psychological pathologies. So much so that very perfectionist people can develop very rigid thoughts and behaviors that often generate frustration, guilt and pessimism. This puts personal worth on trial when seeing that things do not go as planned, developing low self-esteem.

When does a perfectionist personality become a problem?

He perfectionism It becomes a pathology, that is, a personality disorder, also called “Anankastic Personality Disorder” or “Perfectionist Syndrome” when these characteristics make the person and those around them suffer.

It probably has an important genetic component, since children who show these traits can be observed from childhood; however, the reason it continues to develop and evolve along these lines will be the reinforcements that these people receive, that is, it will depend on learning. that you receive from your reference people and the circumstances that surround you in life.

Pathological symptoms

• Detail and thoroughness
• Hyperresponsibility
• Need for control
• Rigid beliefs and difficulty with flexibility
• Heightened sense of justice
• High demands on yourself and others
• Excessive attention to what others will say or think
• Radicality (all or nothing)
• Anticipation negativity

In these cases, the perfectionist personality presents a series of characteristics that can become a very harmful attitude for those who suffer from it. So much so that being a perfectionist ends up being a synonym for frustration or hidden depression. According to psychologists, this type of obsessive perfectionism may arise from the following.

1. Punitive education style: When parents are excessively critical of their children, they overvalue the praise received by their parents; Therefore, they will seek to please them, acting with the main objective “not to disappoint them” and to “be proud” of them.
2. High comparison: In families with a high history of achievement (based on what each family unit considers successful), a pattern is usually created in which the members, consciously or unconsciously, guide their behavior based on what they believe is expected of them (notoriety). ). The pressure to obtain results, as well as the admiration and pride they generate, will raise self-demand and end up transforming your perfectionist personality in a whole mental pathology.
3. Low selfsteem: People who have gone through traumatic life circumstances (e.g. bullying at school) tend to seek acceptance from others, setting unrealistic levels of demand for themselves, for fear of disappointing. They experience the mistake as a failure, trying excessively to compensate for their feelings of inferiority. In these cases The perfection It is synonymous with depression or anxiety.
4. Abuse of positive reinforcement: When minors receive an unrealistic level of praise, they become accustomed to depending on the approval and adulation of third parties. In this case, his self-esteem will be too linked to what others think of him. So much so that he will always seek to stand out with what his perfectionist side It can affect you when things don’t go as planned.
5. Unfavorable environments: When minors are raised in an environment where there is a problem that requires special care (e.g. chronic illness), they grow up trying to “not cause problems” and “do things well.” In addition, they usually receive attention when they complete a task successfully (e.g. getting good grades), so their self-demand will increase to once again gain the interest of their loved ones.
6. Frustration: If a child learns to “lose” in a deficit way, he does not tolerate “not winning”; assigning themselves unwise goals (no one is good at “everything”). Therefore your perfectionist personality It will end up leading to constant frustration.
7. Modeling: Children learn by observing the behavior of others, especially that of their parents; if these are perfectionists it is likely that the minor will imitate those people he considers his role model.
8. Psychosocial factor: Society values perfectionism as a positive trait, and favors it in all aspects (e.g. advertising). It is for this reason that on many occasions people look for this personality trait as something that is completely positive.

“Perfectionism is a polished collection of mistakes”

Mario Benedetti

How to control perfectionism?

Identifying and recognizing the suffering that it generates is the first step for the person to agree to ask for help and let themselves be helped. Then you have to trust the therapist and work on change:

1. Work on self-knowledge and self-esteem: To put aside the negative aspects of a perfectionist personality It is vital to try to know yourself better. Self-knowledge can reveal to us why we seek so much pressure for the recognition of others or why we want to achieve perfection in everything. Working with ourselves and discovering the reasons behind perfectionism will be the first step in moving towards a more balanced direction.
2. Identify erroneous beliefs: Thoughts that are all or nothing, bad or good, or based on only black and white are catastrophic for our mental health. So much so that this type of reasoning is clear synonyms with depression, anxiety and excess stress. When you face your perfectionist side You must visualize that these types of thoughts must be corrected to seek balance in this trait of your personality.
3. Accept mistakes: Learning to put things into perspective and develop flexibility in the face of things is a virtue that we should all practice. On many occasions, having a failure ends up being a synonym for frustration when in reality it should not be like that. Therefore, it is vital to try to see mistakes as an opportunity to improve.
4. Set realistic goals: The perfectionist people They should set achievable short-term goals and enjoy the achievements, even rewarding themselves. On many occasions, the perfectionist will set goals so high that it will be practically impossible to achieve them. This not only frustrates the perfectionist profile, but it can also discourage them from reaching their goal.
5. Respect the breaks: Give yourself permission to “waste time” and do “nothing” productive, simply relax and dedicate time to your physical and emotional self-care.

Perfectionist people have a personality trait which can be a real advantage in achieving their goals if they manage to reach a balance between their idealism and the reality that surrounds them. Being a perfectionist is a real challenge.