Practical Guide to Regain Trust After Infidelity

The author of the book Chatting or Cheating, Sheri Ann Meyers, talks about infidelity and leaves us with some very useful tips to try to regain trust.

When a person gets carried away by infidelity, whether due to a passing story or a longer deception, they are usually not aware of the consequences. consequences Of their acts. He only lets himself be carried away by the passion and the rush of hormones he experiences. In those moments she only thinks about how desired/how sexy she feels and the desire to live new experiences assaults her mind.

So when the permanent partner discovers the infidelity, the world falls apart. All that trust, all that love built over years, as well as the foundations of the relationship, are gone. crumbling like a house of cards before a gentle breeze. If the person who has been unfaithful wants to get their partner back, the big question that both of them ask themselves is: is it possible for everything to go back to the way it was before?

The answer is as complex as the number of couples in this world, but Dr. Sheri Ann Meyers, author of the best-selling ‘Chatting or Cheating’, believes there are two sides to the coin:

“The good news is that trust can be rebuilt and the relationship can become better than ever. The bad news is that it takes work and the results are not immediate.”

Meyers explains that trust is nothing more and nothing less than feeling safe: if you and I are safe, our relationship is safe too. Thus, infidelity is experienced within the couple as a real earthquake that shakes the foundations of the world they had built and in which both felt safe and comfortable.

But, as we said, Not everything is lost Here you will find 7 steps proposed by the expert relationship psychologist to rebuild trust:

1. Be aware that this process takes time and patience

Regaining trust involves empathy. The one who has been unfaithful must put himself in the other’s shoes and understand perfectly why and how he harmed his partner. Knowing what exactly hurt you and sincerely asking for forgiveness is an unavoidable step. In this way he shows that he is willing to do everything on his part to make the relationship work again. “Rebuilding trust means rebuilding credibility,” explains Meyers. But this process is not achieved overnight and both must assume it. Both the cheated on and the unfaithful person must give themselves time to heal, regain balance, and feel good about each other again.

2. Give yourself the time and space necessary to express your feelings

This includes:

• Cry for what happened
• Ask a lot of questions: about what motivated the infidelity, about both of your feelings, about what you think of your relationship, etc.
• Get angry and express it
• Open your mind to understand the mistakes made and what to improve

3. Find out what your partner needs

You must both be willing to do whatever it takes to improve the relationship.

4. Accept that the road is long

Sometimes you will feel as if you are taking giant steps and other times as if things are stagnating. This especially happens to the person who was unfaithful and feels sorry. She must maintain a purposeful and optimistic attitude: it is not worth apologizing every now and then but rather doing things that show that there is a willingness to bet on the relationship.

5. What promises can you keep?

On the path to regaining trust, many promises full of good intentions are made, but… can you keep them all? Has the deceived person forgiven from the heart and is ready to put grudges aside? Is the unfaithful person prepared to recover their relationship and demonstrate that they will not be unfaithful again? Commit yourself only to what you know you can fulfill.

6. Practice the 3 A’s

• Keen
• Attention
• Appreciation

Show how much you love each other with daily details.

7. When you feel like there is no progress, remember love

Dr. Meyers gives the following advice, especially to the person who was unfaithful:

When you or the relationship feels stuck and struggling, remember to stop and ask yourself, “how would I respond from a place of love?” If you feel like a cold iceberg is settling into your conversations, be sure to take a deep breath, look your partner in the face, and say, “I love you. You’re the one I love. We matter. I’m sorry for the pain I caused you and us.” “I feel scared right now, but we will get through it.”

With more than 20 years of experience as a couples therapist, Meyers recognizes that:

“The path from distrust to trust requires perseverance, patience, commitment and time”