Problematic Love: Dependency, Jealousy And Social Networks
From the moment we acquire the first notions of what is happening around us, we begin to hear the term “love”. Love for family, friends, children… the idea of a romantic love of a couple is encouraged with which all the movies end, being happy and eating partridges.
But reality is not like what cinema, and especially the most children’s, wants to sell us. That is why, in the first relationships that occur during puberty, the first frustrations appear, when facing reality with that idealized world.
On the other hand, we cannot deny that social networks are part of our present and that they determine, with increasing force, our relationships with others and with the world. Far from getting closer to the reality of love, Social networks show what we want others to perceive about ourselves and they reinforce the idea of reflecting learned models of what love in a couple and happiness is.
But the continuous and indiscriminate exposure of our intimacy and movements generates in some couples a situation of control full of insecurities and mistrust where irrational jealousy appears, problematic love begins to give its first signs.
Problematic love, or toxic love, is one in which the need for control and jealousy become the bases of the relationship, where tears add up to more than smiles and happiness itself depends on the couple. This type of relationship erodes self-esteem, the individual’s own identity and encourages erroneous learning about what a relationship is, whose bond becomes difficult to break.
Falling in love is an emotional state in which happiness invades us, the desire to share more time with our partner increases, we feel valued and loved, but sometimes these sensations become increasingly limited to sharing them with others. feelings of deep sadness, anguish and fear In the midst of these intense emotions, it is difficult to be aware of the reality of what is happening to put an end to this dangerous spiral.
emotional dependence
When we talk about pathological emotional dependence, we are referring to the strong bond established with the partner, so that in their absence negative emotions appear. The fear that the relationship will end, the anguish caused by separation, obsessive thoughts related to the couple and continued discomfort when not with the other person.
When this happens, the person feels incomplete without the partner, renounces himself and loses the value of his own identity, desires and needs for the benefit and under the approval of the other. This type of toxic relationship leads to low self-esteem, reflected in irrational fears and insecurities about oneself.
At the moment when your well-being depends on another person, the fear of ending the relationship is not so much because of the things that unite you and make you happy together, but because without that person, who is everything, only nothing remains.
This is an increasingly common problem that leads the person, once they are aware of the discomfort their relationship produces, to go to the psychologist, where they try to promote autonomy, self-esteem and the development of correct social skills and conflict resolution In addition, cognitive-behavioral therapy works with erroneous ideas and conceptions about love and relationships.
Obsessive jealousy is an increasingly common problem in young couples who see these emotional responses of overcontrol as signs of love.
Although jealousy in a relationship is a sign of what matters to us and allows, through trust, to establish limits in the relationship in which both agree and favors a healthy relationship, when they are irrational and obsessive They can lead to the discomfort of the sufferer due to the anxiety and fear that it produces as well as the person who suffers from them, leading to the destruction of the couple.
Pathological jealousy is related to insecurities, distrust, the need for possession and the fear of breakup, caused by low self-esteem and a mistaken idea of what love is. Jealous people suffer psychological suffering that prevents them from enjoying the relationship beyond looking for reasons that justify those thoughts that generate distrust in their partner.
Social networks have appeared as the weapon that feeds back to the jealous and their needs for control. Photographs, stories, thoughts, ideas, the place where you are at any given moment, are some of the information published on social networks, where interpretation and imagination can lead to the confirmation of irrational ideas. Control over the time you are online, a “like” on a photo, who you follow on social networks, as well as picking up your cell phone to see private conversations that limit the intimacy, privacy and freedom of the other person.
This turns the relationship into fear, and Fear leads to lies to avoid arguments and when these lies are discovered ; They involve reinforcing previously irrational distrust and now with arguments.
This vicious circle becomes self-destructive, where love is not enough, in which mistrust and suffering increases in a labyrinth with no exit where the breakup hurts too much but being together makes them unhappy.
The importance of reacting to the first problems
There are many couples who go to therapy when the wear and tear has dried up to the roots of the relationship and the only thing left is to save themselves individually and begin to accept that it is over. It is advisable to go to therapy when the first indicators appear that the relationship is not healthy and jealousy increasingly conditions the couple’s relationship. To do this, self-esteem, fears and irrational beliefs that generate obsessive jealousy must be worked on individually to make way for well-being.
