Psychological Damage from Infidelity: Its 11 Effects on Mental Health

There are many reasons for infidelity. Relationship experts say that this is because the problem goes beyond personalities, characters or the existence of deficits in the relationship. But regardless of the cause, the end result always translates into dissatisfaction, pain, and more problems to deal with; and although its effects can vary greatly between people, some of its psychological consequences can be serious and long-lasting.

In its simplest definition, infidelity in a relationship implies that one of the parties involved has broken trust. This act weakens commitments, pacts and personal desires, as well as intimacy within the couple. This is considered a sad personal event that can sometimes cause great emotional damage, consequently many people do not know how to act after finding out about infidelity. Additionally, negative feelings and stress can lead people to inappropriately handle this moment and not be able to process it properly.

In this article we expose the consequences that can arise from infidelities in relation to their impact on mental health.

Does suffering from infidelity leave consequences?

First of all, we should not generalize. There are no simple answers to complex emotional events, such as infidelity in this case. That is to say, we are all different and we have our own particular way of reacting to things. This means that each person can face infidelity in a different way.

However, there are reasons why a partner’s betrayal can have negative consequences on our mental health. Although this, in the first instance, translates as a lack of trust that has to do with the other member of the couple, It can also break trust with oneself or other members outside the relationship.

An infidelity is equivalent to a betrayal. But this betrayal is more serious psychologically speaking, since it is supposed to come from someone we love and who loves us. Consequently, it also breaks with some of our deepest values ​​and beliefs. It is a break with our reality that we are not always able to process.

What are the possible effects of infidelity on mental health?

There are different consequences of infidelities on mental health. From a behavioral point of view, the effects can be divided into cognitive, behavioral and emotional. In this article we have added a fourth category related to the different traumas that can occur after a love betrayal.

1. Cognitive effects

Cognitive effects are the set of consequences in the way in which people perceive and organize their environment. Also changes in the way we not only understand, but also process, the new information we receive. Among the most frequent cognitive changes we can highlight:

1.1. Ruminations

People facing infidelity often struggle to concentrate and function normally in daily life. However, They cannot get what happened out of their heads and think about it or try to find a reason. Furthermore, some people, even after having forgiven an infidelity, are unable to erase it and continue ruminating about what happened. Their emotions may become uncontrollable as they reflect on what happened.

1.2. Blocking

One of the consequences described after infidelity is blockage, this is also one of the common reasons why couples go to therapy. The situation is the following: The person who has suffered infidelity wants to forgive their partner, but something prevents them from doing so. This impasse is known as emotional blockage, since the couple is in a state of “stand by” and the relationship cannot move forward.

2. Behavioral effects

After experiencing infidelity in a couple, different reactions can occur. Dealing with this situation in a relationship commonly leads to anger and sometimes aggression from the other party. Some people decide to separate immediately when they discover infidelity. These seek to avoid the pain of betrayal that comes with contact with the other. Although these types of extreme reactions do not always occur, changes in behavior usually occur after infidelity, including:

2.1. Mood changes

Frequent mood swings are common to many people; However, they can be significant when someone suffers infidelity, since people are emotionally affected. These mood fluctuations They can go from feeling intensely sad to being furiously angry with the other person.

2.2. Hypervigilance

Hypervigilance is a behavioral reaction that aims to verify that the relationship is over. This leads not only to increased surveillance, but also to aggressive communication and obsessive questioning about what happened. Some behavioral symptoms include asking frequent questions about the affair, which ultimately shows increased aggression in communication.

23. Jealousy

The appearance of jealousy is another of the behavioral manifestations that appear. After finding out that our partner has been unfaithful to us, people can feel a tremendous lack of self-confidence. Jealousy is one of the many signs that appear when someone feels insecure, which ultimately indicates a lack of trust in the relationship. They are not only a feeling of discomfort, they also bring with them the exhibition of certain harmful behaviors: towards the partner and with oneself.

2.4. Social isolation

In the case of some relationships – especially if they were very intense or long-term – the emotional reaction can extend to the environment of which the unfaithful person is a part. While it is true that distrust is mainly directed at the other, it is also These feelings are likely to extend to the environment of which the unfaithful person is a part: your friends, family or workplace. Consequently, this can produce strong social isolation, since many of these ties can be shared.

3. Emotional Effects

Negative emotions tend to decrease both physical and mental health. Fear-anxiety, anger and depression are common emotional reactions as a result of infidelity; these are characterized by high physiological activation. Although these feelings occur more frequently in the person who suffers infidelity, the unfaithful person can also express sadness associated with the loss of a loved one or the status that the relationship allowed them.

3.1. Low self-esteem

Deception can affect a person’s self-esteem. People faced with infidelity may believe that their qualities are worse than those of the lover. Ultimately, this can lead to the manifestation of feelings of inferiority and low self-esteem.

3.2. Distress

Anguish – in the case of infidelities – can appear as a consequence of two main factors. On the one hand, there is usually a feeling of emptiness caused by the loss of the other person and, above all, of life together. On the other hand, that of the loss of beliefs, the latter is related to the thought that infidelity occurs or will occur in all future relationships.

• You may be interested: “Anxiety: symptoms, causes and possible treatments”

3.3. Insomnia

One of the most typical manifestations when we experience negative events is insomnia, this is very dangerous and must be controlled.

When trying to sleep, people who have experienced a breakup tend to have more thoughts about it. Lack of sleep puts us in a kind of vicious circle. The less we sleep, the less we are able to manage our reactions and thoughts, and these ruminative thoughts prevent us from falling asleep.

4. Traumas

Many authors consider that the emotional reactions that occur in the victim of infidelity are similar to those that appear in some disorders. Two traumas that can occur after a betrayal of a romantic nature are described.

4.1. Post-infidelity stress disorder

Post-infidelity stress disorder (PTSD) is a specific type of anxiety disorder that can be triggered by discovering that a person in our intimate environment has been unfaithful to us.

A recent study estimates that between a quarter and half of people who have been betrayed by their partner develop symptoms of post-infidelity stress disorder, which is accompanied by symptoms of depression and anxiety.

4.2. Betrayal trauma

Psychological researcher Jennifer Freyd introduced the term “betrayal trauma” in 1991. It refers to a specific type of psychological trauma caused by the loss of key social connections. The harm is caused by a breakdown in an attachment bond, such as between a parent and child, or in the case of infidelity, between romantic partners. The loss of attachment does not imply the breakup of the relationship. Betrayal trauma has lasting effects on a person’s life that can even rival the effects of physical abuse.

Conclusion

As we have seen, a betrayal of trust can inflict different damages. Sometimes these become major emotional wounds. Betrayal in a romantic relationship can continue to cause pain and confusion, even months after the breakup.

People who develop this type of trauma remain in the relationship in exchange for guaranteeing their own safety. For example, someone who does not have sufficient financial resources may remain in a relationship – after infidelity – out of fear of not being able to maintain themselves without the other person. This fear of the possible losses and consequences of acknowledging the betrayal can lead the betrayed person to bury the trauma.