Psychology Of Love: This Is How Our Brain Changes When We Find A Partner

Romantic love is one of those phenomena that has inspired many philosophers, and has been the main theme of many films or novels. And although its complexity causes great difficulty when studying it, everyone has experienced this strong feeling at some point in their life that directs all our senses and drives us to be with the person we love.

In fact, recent research concludes that love is a drive and motivation rather than an emotion. It makes us feel like we are at the top, but it can also lead us to self-destruction if we don’t know how to manage heartbreak correctly.

Without a doubt, the psychology of love is an interesting topic, and In this article I will talk to you about the chemistry of love and the importance of culture and expectations when it comes to falling in love

The psychology of love and its relationship with drugs

Until just a few years ago, love was treated as an emotion, but even though it may seem that way at specific times, it has many characteristics that differentiate it from them (emotions).

Following the studies of Helen Fisher, an anthropologist, biologist and researcher of human behavior, the scientific community gave more weight to the idea that love is an impulse and a motivation, since the results of her research confirmed that they are activated two important areas related to motivating behaviors: the caudate nucleus and the ventral tegmental area (VTA), both regions highly innervated by dopaminergic neurons and related to the repetition of pleasurable behaviors such as sex or drugs.

But the complexity of love is not limited to these two areas of the brain According to the conclusions of a study led by Stephanie Ortigue, from Syracuse University (New York) and published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, up to 12 areas of the brain are activated that work together to release chemicals such as dopamine, oxytocin, vasopressin, norepinephrine or serotonin.

Love modifies our brain and induces changes in our central nervous system, as it activates a biochemical process that begins in the cortex, gives rise to intense physiological responses and produces a great feeling of euphoria (similar to that of some drugs such as cocaine). , although it also has an effect on the intellectual areas of the brain and can affect our thoughts. In other words, when we don’t fall in love… we are high!

From the madness of falling in love to the rationality of love

Love has sparked a lot of interest in the scientific community. Some research has focused on analyzing the phases of love, although discrepancies have often arisen among experts. For John Gottman, author of the book Principa Amoris: The New Science of Love, romantic love has three distinct phases that appear sequentially, in the same way that people are born, grow and age. These phases are: limerence (or falling in love), romantic love (building emotional ties) and mature love.

Not everyone overcomes these phases, since The process of the intense chemical cascade of falling in love must give way to a more consolidated love that is characterized by deeper trust where more rational decisions must be made and where negotiation becomes one of the keys to building a real and loyal commitment.

Hormones and neurotransmitters related to falling in love and love

Some researchers have tried to find out what exactly happens in our brain, what neurotransmitters and hormones are involved in this phenomenon and why our thoughts and behavior change when someone conquers us.

Dr. Theresa Crenshaw, in her book The Alchemy of Love and Lust, explains that not just anyone can make us feel this magical sensation, but when falling in love occurs, then, and only then, does the neurochemical cascade of falling in love explode to change our perception of the world.

In summary, The most important hormones and neurotransmitters involved in the process of falling in love are the following: :

When love breaks: what happens?

Although there are social factors that intervene when falling in love with one person or another, there is no doubt that falling in love and love, when it ends, can cause serious problems for the person who is still in love.

Due to natural selection, a brain was produced in humans that evolved to maximize reproduction and therefore non-extinction of the species, where happiness neurochemicals evolved to promote reproductive behaviors. This, which has had a great impact on our evolution, means that When couples break up, we have to fight against our emotions, instincts and motivations

The conclusions of a study by the Albert Einstein College of Medicine make it clear: “in a lack of love, just as when a person is addicted to drugs, the consequences of the addiction are so strong that they can lead to serious depressive and obsessive behaviors.” When the union with a person has been very strong, It takes time to weaken the neural circuits in which love chemicals participate and as with a drug addict, the best way to get over it is zero contact (unless during the early stages of the breakup and whenever possible).

In fact, psychologists who are experts in love recommend “all or nothing therapy,” since heartbreak is not a linear process (there may be relapses) and acceptance may take time to arrive. Some people experience it as a stage of mourning, and we must not forget that we are getting used to being without the person we love and with whom we have shared special moments.

Love: more than chemistry

The neurochemicals of love exert a great influence on the behavior of lovers but we cannot forget that social, cultural factors and education play an important role when it comes to falling in love.

Culture often defines our tastes when it comes to finding a partner, and the choice and attraction usually fit with our mental schemas and our idea of ​​the world and life. It is true that when we have the person we like in front of us, we get excited and the love chemicals do their job. However, the origin lies in expectations, which are shaped by our mental schemas and which are often fed by the concept of love that we have seen on television or in movies. It’s hard to imagine a millionaire in love with a homeless man.

As for falling in love, and as anthropologist Helen Fisher explains, “no one knows exactly why it happens. We know that a very important cultural component is involved. The moment is also crucial: you have to be willing to fall in love. People tend to fall in love with someone close to them; “But we also fall in love with people who are mysterious.”

Mature love and cultural influence

Regarding mature love, and according to the opinion of Robert Epstein, psychologist at the American Institute for Behavioral Research and Technology: “Cultural practices significantly influence how people seek and develop love, and the key is compatibility with mental schemas, that is, sharing a similar view of the world.” Epstein thinks that “in cultures where people marry considering an irrational view of love promoted by the media; They have serious difficulties maintaining the relationship, in part because they often confuse love with infatuation. This is not a conducive situation to have a long-term relationship.”

Love has to do with beliefs and values , and falling in love are a series of chemical reactions produced in different brain regions that make us have an idyllic perception of a person. Epstein assures that “older people beyond the age of having children sometimes have a partner for more practical reasons.” Which suggests that over the years we can educate ourselves to have a much more realistic vision of what it means to have a partner.