Reflections On Bullying

A few years ago until now, we have incorporated a new word into our vocabulary. Bullying, by which we understand the exercise of continued violence between peer groups of school age. Physical violence, the most visible, physical attacks that can range from a push to more serious and dangerous behaviors with consequences for the health and life of the person receiving it; verbal violence, insults and derogatory words that deeply hurt and weaken the victim, decreasing their self-esteem; emotional violence, direct isolation of the victim.

Why does bullying arise?

With all this, the tip of the undeniable iceberg is the victim, the one or the one who receives attacks is the first person who must be treated urgently and as a priority, he must be helped to recover everything that has been taken away from him: self-esteem, security and the desire to continue with his life.

However, by helping only the victim, the problem is not solved. As I said with the example of the iceberg, what is not seen, what is about to emerge, hidden under the sea line, is the most dangerous, what continues to be and that is where more fundamental work corresponds, to prevent it from follow victims appearing on the surface.

So let’s talk about the invisible victim: the aggressor. Possibly, the environment that the aggressor lives or has lived in, the learning he has had or the shortcomings, lead him to develop behaviors that in some way make him feel strong, powerful in an environment where he can exercise his dominance. Between equals. And it is not always easy to recognize an aggressor from their own home. It is complex and tricky.

Let’s put two shades of the same color, for example a blue. If we have two similar shades, how do we know which tone will be darker or lighter? We will have to put them next to each other to distinguish between them and assign, according to our perception, which will be the darker blue and which will be the lighter blue. A bully aggressor does the same by positioning himself next to someone he considers weaker. He needs the weakness of another to feel strong and in it one grows.

Let’s keep an eye on what our children need: attention, communication, affection, security, understanding, space, respect (both receiving it and practicing respect for others) and not forgetting the rules and limits. If we do not teach limits, rules and respect, it will be difficult for you to apply these pillars in your life. way of relating.

Unfortunately, we are used to seeing through the screen countless TV series where inappropriate educational models are promoted, imported from the US: children’s and youth series where the handsome guy who steals the sandwich from the little ones in the playground triumphs, where the strong man who crushes those who do not follow him or think like him is applauded, and where those who think differently are separated and called geeks and not only that, but when images of attacks and escapes from crestfallen victims are still accompanied by the sound effect of laughter. In this way we get used to “normalizing” verbal, physical or emotional violence. Let’s be critical and not let ourselves be fooled by the “laughs”, it wouldn’t be fun for us to know that our son/daughter is the one who receives the laughter of others, therefore, let’s not normalize aggression. Let’s recognize them, let’s call them by name and correct them. Welcome to the education of emotions.