After a few sessions, with the couple who has problems or with one of the members who comes, I observe that in a very high percentage of cases communication is the main problem.
A priori, it may seem simple or ridiculous to state this, that’s why “I’m going to communicate”, I explain it below.
What is communication between two people? Obviously, there are many ways to communicate with others, but here we will focus on a specific type of communication, which I like to call “conscious communication”, which can facilitate truly listening to others and finding solutions.
First of all, we must find the right place and time We need time when we are both available to listen and talk to each other. It is essential for conscious communication to exist. Also, a place away from distractions and other people who can interrupt the moment.
In second place, address the other in the first person, from the “I”: I feel, I think… It is basic to take responsibility for the fact that what we say is “our vision”: how we live it, is not the “truth”, so as not to make others guilty. Assume what our responsibility is in everything that is happening.
In third place, carry out active listening, that means listening to both the content and the way in which they speak and speak to us. Many times we only hear what they tell us but we do not stop for a moment to let ourselves feel what they tell us, to reflect on it, but rather we are preparing the response. At this point, it is essential to listen emotionally to the other person: understand how the other person feels, what they are trying to tell me, how what they are telling me makes me feel…
In fourth place, respect and tolerate what they are telling us, That is, not receiving what they tell us as an attack but as the experience that the partner of the situation wants to transmit to us with the common objective of fixing the situation. Feel it as an opportunity.
Lastly, it would be reach agreements if possible, to resolve the situation resulting from this communication.
As you can see, they are general lines to carry out a conscious communication between a couple but it is also applicable to family and friends. All these points can be the beginning to become aware of how the relationship is and what to do. Obviously, all this and many other aspects must be worked on during the sessions.
I’m Emily Williams Jones, a psychologist specializing in mental health with a focus on cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and mindfulness. With a Ph.D. in psychology, my career has spanned research, clinical practice and private counseling. I’m dedicated to helping individuals overcome anxiety, depression and trauma by offering a personalized, evidence-based approach that combines the latest research with compassionate care.
