Romantic Love: 11 Myths That Harm Our Relationship

Do you think your relationship does not have romantic love? Do you know what love really is? There are some myths about relationships that can harm us, discover them and heal your bond.

In our society, it predominates among couples, especially women, idea of ​​romantic love that is, the idea that love is the most important thing in our life, that without it we are nothing and that everything is possible thanks to love, including within that concept of love the possession, idealization and identification of a lover. person.

So much so that these beliefs of romantic love can make us suffer in different ways. On the one hand, thinking that love can do anything or anything romantic love myth It can harm our mental health. This happens because we end up thinking that our relationship is defined as a non-romantic love, when in reality there are different types of love. All these myths of romantic love that we can see in movies, series and novels end up giving us an ideal idea of ​​what love is.

What is romantic love?

When in psychology we refer to romantic love We are not pointing out those scenes from movies or love novels. In reality, what is normal in a true relationship where romantic love exists will go through various ups and downs, unlike the idealized love that they show us through art.

It is for this reason that psychologists have described that within the romantic love It goes through various phases that end up determining a healthy and lasting relationship.

Phases of romantic love

Each of the romantic relationships goes through these phases of romantic love. Once they ‘overcome’ them in the sense that they go through each of them, they end up reaching a mature and lasting relationship.

• Obsession: During this romantic love phase The first thing we experience is lust and desire for the other person. So much so that perhaps this phase can come to resemble what we see in the romantic love that is shown so much in the movies. In these moments of love we can see how neurochemicals are released in the brain such as dopamine and norepinephrine related to well-being and the feeling of happiness. This phase of romantic love generates a ‘high’ in your emotions that can even make you idealize the other person and constantly think about them to feel the sensation generated by these substances in our brain.
• Reality: As you get to know the person you love and your body gets used to the generation of these hormones, the romantic love It becomes a more realistic love. So much so that it is in this phase where you realize what love really is. In these moments you begin to realize the habits and defects that your partner has and you end up becoming critical of some of their behaviors and attitudes. By overcoming this phase you end up accepting both yourself and the person next to you.
• Mature love: When we go from romantic love to mature love We are referring to the balance that is generated between reality with the idealism of what we really want our relationship to be. In this phase, the two people are together because they really want to be together. All this respecting the independence of both parties.

These are the main phases that love goes through. Indiscriminately, many times in society there is the idea that true love is the romantic love In reality, authentic love is found when we can find a healthy balance that allows us to evolve both as a couple and personally.

Myths of romantic love

The problem comes when we believe each of the romantic love myths that are popularly generated in our society. Each of these myths about love can create a couple crisis that requires psychological therapy to overcome. Here we will explain the most widespread ones.

1. “You are everything to me”, “I am nothing without you”: In this case the couple is the center of our life, complete identification with them occurs, we think about the other, we worry about the other. One of these myths of romantic love It can lead to subordination, helplessness and frustration on the part of each of the parties if things do not go as expected. So much so that these types of statements in romantic love end up demonstrating emotional dependence on the part of one of the parties to the bond.
2. “My happiness depends on you”, “I am what I am thanks to you”: In this case, the member is making up for a lack of love towards himself with the existence of the other. In order not to lose the love of the couple, he does everything for them. If the relationship does not work as expected or the partner distances themselves or, even worse, leaves, the “abandoned” person will feel worthless, their self-esteem will be nullified. When we hear this romantic love myth it is very likely that we are dealing with a person who suffers from low self-esteem.
3. “You are my talisman”, “I dare to do things thanks to you”: The other person compensates for our own deficits, the qualities I lack. There are certain activities that we do not dare to do for ourselves, if not for our partner. The consequences are that the person does nothing for themselves, they become frustrated, their self-esteem suffers again and, if the relationship ends, they will feel helpless. Believe in one of these myths of romantic love It ends up meaning leaving the motivation to achieve success in your life in the hands of others.
4. “If you loved me, you would know what I need”, “You know me well, you would have to know what I want”, “I would have to come from you”: We believe that our partner necessarily has to always be aware of our insinuations and hints, as well as be a fortune teller capable of reading our mind, thoughts, preferences and desires. The fact that the other does not respond to these aspects that we have in mind causes disappointment, frustration, anger and loss of interest. This is one of the romantic love myths What can most damage our relationship. The reason is that in a bond of love we are not the same entity, therefore, we will not be able to know everything about the other person (but we will know a lot of information if we have been together for a long time).
5. “Do you think he’s more handsome than me?” “Is she more attractive/attractive than me?”: This is normally due to a jealous reaction that arises when the person bases their self-esteem on the relationship; The lack of self-confidence leads one to distrust others. It has as consequences behaviors of checking and persecuting the other, overwhelming the other member, arguments and even breakup. In this case, the romantic love myth It makes us believe that when we are with someone we must be the most beautiful person for him or her, when love is not only based on our surface.
6. “Someone somewhere is made just for you; “Love is about finding the lost half, the only person who will complete you”: A definition of romantic love that is very common and present in our society is precisely what this phrase states. So much so that on many occasions we end up believing this myth about romantic love The reality is that the better half does not exist, to find true love you must accept and love yourself to be able to find the ideal partner.
7. “Love at first sight! I will see that person and know it is him/her. Some magical signs will alert me that he/she is the one I have been looking for all my life”: It is true that sometimes we can feel instantly attracted to a person. So much so that this may be one of the love myths more harmful since once we see someone and feel that sensation we can convince ourselves that despite all the signs that this is not the case, that is our lost half.
8. “Love means eternal happiness. Couples in love are always happy and share laughter and giggles all the time”: A relationship must have its moments. Despite this, it is true that moments of joy should have more weight than those where we have a conflict or sad moments. However, according to one of these myths of romantic love We end up thinking that we can never argue with our better half. This only creates frustration in us as we fail to resolve our conflicts in our relationship.
9. “If it’s meant to happen, it will happen. If I’m supposed to meet my soulmate one day, I will. I just have to wait for the big day “: Many times single people think that there is a day when destiny will bring them the right person. The reality is that this is a myth of romantic love that can lead us to absolute loneliness in our lives. To meet true love you must try to socialize and get to know new environments. A good method to find a partner or meet someone interesting is to get out of your comfort zone.
10. “Jealousy, your name is love ”: Jealousy is only the sign that indicates that you suffer from certain insecurities within yourself. So much so that having a jealous attitude only means that you believe that your bond with the other person is weak. Truly in reality, a non romantic love is full of jealousy in a relationship. Even so, many people firmly believe these myths of romantic love.

These myths about romantic love They end up damaging not only the health of a relationship but also that of each of the parts of it. So much so that on many occasions believing in the myth of romantic love that we see in fiction can lead to the breakup of a relationship. True love is based on a more realistic view of reality and our bond.