Sex: 5 Reasons Not to Have Sex

“Sex is the most fun you can have without smiling.”

-Woody Allen

Without a doubt, sex is a source of positive stimuli, self-knowledge of pleasures of various types and an activity that, through the release of dopamine, oxytocin and serotonin, helps to increase well-being and self-esteem.

But there are times when sex becomes our enemy, a “task” that is related as a cause or consequence to low self-esteem.

5 moments in which sex can lower your self-esteem:

1. Infidelity

The first case is the one that has been talked about the most since monogamy has been practiced. From Sternberg’s perspective of the love triangle based on intimacy/passion/commitment, it is understood that a couple who shares these three axes should not have shortcomings that would make them look for emotions and sensations in another sexual partner.

Infidelity is a hidden action, outside the limits of a previous agreement, an attack on the couple’s trust and of course, it generates a feeling of guilt and, in most cases, anxiety and a drop in self-esteem when you feel that you are betraying someone. someone you love, so your idea of ​​yourself worsens when you see how you do not demonstrate positive attributes such as loyalty, empathy, sincerity and fidelity.

Did you know? The introverts They are more likely to be unfaithful.!

2. Sex to raise social self-esteem

Social recognition releases dopamine and endorphin, so a very powerful extrinsic motivation is to act so that people identify you as a successful individual, an achiever, someone alpha and many people use sexual success as an immediate elevator of their social self-esteem

In this case, there is also a “objectification” of the sexual partner, since they become a simple number, a tool to remain at the top of the social pyramid that values ​​sexual success as a merit to be taken into account.

Although it is true that this assessment helps to improve self-esteem, it is a double-edged sword, since you are building self-esteem based on an external assessment and you will be generating a sexual and social identity dependent on that assessment. That is, it is more than self-esteem, “anotheresteem ” so it is very unsound and makes us captive to the opinions of others, leaving aside our own sexual identity and being slaves to what people expect of us.

Did you know? Self-esteem also has a sexual dimension and It is defined as the security or confidence we have regarding sex

3. Sex as a way to get affection or attention

If in point two we were talking about the individual who has sex to get the approval of the group, in this case we are talking about people with great lack of affection and that through experience they have learned that in many cases before, during or after sex they obtain that affection even if it is for a short period of time.

It usually occurs in cases where self-esteem is very low in addition to having a small social circle or a few low social skills to demand affection from his surroundings. So to get that affection, they exchange sex for a moment of interest or affection.

This is one of the most difficult cases because the person has to learn to ask for affection from those around them when they need it, to be more assertive to gain respect and, above all, to love themselves more. Precisely this profile is the one that most often becomes a “number” on the list of those who use sex to increase their social self-esteem.

Did you know? It has been proven that there are tricks to increase self-esteem considerably in a week.

4. Sex addiction

Like all addictions, every time you fall into the behavior to which you are addicted, there is a drop in self-esteem and a feeling of emptiness and guilt. In addition to a fact that is popularly unknown and that is that the sex addict (or hypersexual) has such high sensitization that enjoyment is minimal.

Furthermore, this addiction falls within the category of behavioral addictions such as addiction to work, the Internet or extreme sports, where the addiction is not to a substance itself but to the substances that are generated in the brain when performing the activity. activity.

As with all addictions, there is a psychic dependency, an increase in tolerance and a withdrawal syndrome. According to which, having sex as a compulsive activity completely loses its pleasurable aspect.

Did you know? All behavioral addictions are related to a low level of self-control, not only behavioral but also emotional

5. Sex to avoid facing problems

Another one that has to do with couples. All couples have conflicts Without exception. Accepting it is a necessity to be able to build a healthy relationship. Some of these conflicts are so complex that people find themselves completely unable to solve them, although the conflict without a solution can become a time bomb.

Well, many couples mistakenly learn that sex is a patch ideal to cover up that conflict and end the discussion with a sex session. As if that sex, because it is pleasurable, means that the conflict has ceased to exist. And, in the most behavioral way possible, they regularly incorporate sex into their ritual of troubleshooting

This negatively influences our personal self-esteem in the medium and long term, since the conflict that we do not know how to resolve will periodically appear in our life as a couple, becoming an element that can directly affect self-concept.

Did you know? Couples therapy in a very high percentage of cases focuses on helping couples to improve your communication