Sexual Self-esteem: What It Is, How It Affects Us, And How To Improve It
Self-esteem affects absolutely all aspects of life, so it is not surprising that it also influences the sexual field. In fact, we could say that there is sexual self-esteem, a feeling of how much one values oneself in terms of sexual relationships.
Sexual self-esteem is not only a matter of relationships, but it also influences when it comes to giving pleasure to oneself Depending on how good or how bad we perceive ourselves in sexual matters, more or less we are going to enjoy everything that is related to it.
Next we are going to delve a little deeper into sexual self-esteem, discovering how it can be evaluated and what we can do to improve it.
Sexual self-esteem can be understood as the assessment that we have regarding different sexual issues : how we behave sexually, how comfortable we feel with our body, how we are to other people, how deserving of sexual pleasure we feel…
It refers to security and confidence in sexual intimacy, having a lot to do with well-being and self-love in terms of sexual performance and perception. It is one of the necessary conditions to feel safe and enjoy having sexual relations.
When we feel safe in our intimate relationships, we are more likely to experience them freely , something that will benefit both our pleasure and that of the person we have sex with. That’s what sexual self-esteem is about: feeling comfortable with our body and the experiences we live through it in a sexual and psychoaffective realm.
Sexual self-esteem and insecurity in sex
Insecurity in sex is relatively common, especially in new experiences It is normal to feel some insecurity in certain situations that have to do with sex and that we perceive that we do not have much previous experience, such as introducing a new practice, having a new sexual partner or using a new erotic toy.
When the sexual situation is new, it is more likely that thoughts that play tricks on us will appear in our minds. For example, we may come to think that we do not have the necessary experience to perform sexually in a specific scenario or that we would like to know more about the other person or ourselves to give ourselves more pleasure. It is precisely in these situations where the level of sexual self-esteem is most demonstrated. The lower it goes, the more fear and fear of the new on the sexual level
Another very important issue that can show a very low sexual self-esteem is insecurity related to physical appearance. Preferring the light off while having sex, not taking off clothes or not changing position can be indicators that the person does not feel very comfortable with their body and does not want to show it, fearing that if their sexual partner sees it they will leave. to remove the desire to continue having sex.
How do we know if we have low sexual self-esteem?
Everyone has, to a greater or lesser extent, some sexual self-esteem It is something present in all human beings, but it manifests itself at different levels. There are those who have more sexual self-esteem and others, less.
People with lower sexual self-esteem can be victims of everything a negative belief system about your sexual performance something that manifests itself in the form of multiple bad thoughts that sabotage them when they try to enjoy the emotional-sexual plane.
Among the thoughts of people with low sexual self-esteem we find phrases like the following, which can be indicators of precisely this problem.
It is possible to find out more or less exactly how our sexual self-esteem is. There are tools that help us evaluate this construct, such as the one proposed by a study in “The Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality.” It consists of a test of 15 questions that are scored from 1 to 5, with 1 being equivalent to “I do not agree at all” and 5 being “I totally agree.”
Once each item has been assessed, we can see how our sexual self-esteem is and other related aspects. Specific, It is the first six questions that assess how our sexual self-esteem is and, if we have valued them with high scores, it means that we have good self-esteem. If, on the other hand, we have rated them with low grades, it means that there is low sexual self-esteem and we should make an effort to try to improve it.
Items seven to ten have to do with sexual depression. Low scores on these questions mean that there is no sexual depression, while high scores mean that there is and we should pay attention to how we feel. Questions eleven to fifteen have to do with obsession with sex and, the higher the score, the greater the obsession we will have.
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How to improve our sexual self-esteem?
Fortunately, whether there is low self-esteem, depression or an obsession with everything related to sex, there is a solution to these problems. A series of guidelines can be followed to improve our self-esteem on the emotional-sexual level and, consequently, our enjoyment of sex.
1. Value yourself more
The basis of high self-esteem is valuing yourself more. Surely there are many positive things you have that you don’t realize We are not talking only on the sexual level, but on all others. With every small step you take valuing yourself, a small step towards greater self-esteem that will also have an impact sexually.
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2. Learn and experiment with your body
Better sexual self-esteem is obtained by feeding it with knowledge. Read, educate yourself and learn as much as you can about sexuality. Use what you learn by experimenting with your body Learning to know ourselves helps us explore and know better what we like and how when it comes to sex.
Comparisons can be hateful, especially in the sexual field. Like everything in life, each person is different when it comes to sexuality. Comparing ourselves to others will only overwhelm us, frustrating us and making us think that we will never be good in bed. It’s not a competition , but a matter of having fun. Everyone has their own tastes and their way of enjoying sex, knowing what they are is the important thing, not whether they are better or worse than others.
4. Dare to practice new things
Shame is not an ally in bed issues. Try to leave it aside and don’t be afraid of what others will think. If you feel like making a wish come true or practicing a new sexual stimulation technique, do it! If you want to do it with your partner, remember that first of all you should tell them to see if they agree and so that they don’t get an unpleasant surprise.
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5. Learn to say “no” to what you don’t like
If we do more things that make us feel good, we should also learn to stop doing things we don’t like. If there is any proposal from our partner that we do not like or that makes us feel uncomfortable in bed, we must say “no” assertively This applies not only to the sexual field, but also to any aspect of life.
6. Seek professional help
Having low sexual self-esteem is related to having a lack of self-esteem in general, something that can be indicative that there is a deeper problem that affects all aspects of our life, not just the intimate one. That’s why It is essential to seek professional help, especially a psychologist or sexologist that help us overcome our insecurities and fears.
