Taking Time as a Couple: Is a Temporary Separation Really Beneficial?

Do you think taking time is useful for something? When can it be useful? How to do it and how not to do it? Discover the usefulness of reflection periods in your relationship.

Sometimes we think that give yourself some time within a relationship or a temporary separation is a wrong step or can be bad, but the reality is that everything depends on the personal situation of each of the parties within the relationship. So is it a useful process? What does it contribute, how does it benefit?

Sometimes relationships go through stagnation or bad times and sometimes one of the members finds themselves between a rock and a hard place: What if I leave him/her and make a mistake? What if I lose him/her? What if we leave him/her? Will I miss him/her? These doubts can lead the person to see the need to ask give yourself some time as a couple; In this way, a non-definitive break is formulated to decide where the balance leans.

When is it not useful to take time?

On some occasions this separation of the couple Temporarily, sometimes it is a sign that you really want to end the relationship or that there are other problems that you don’t know how to solve. That is why psychologists recommend that couples not give each other time for the following reasons.

1. You want to break up with your partner: Breaking up with someone can be a hard experience. Although you are very clear that you no longer want that relationship, you don’t know how to do it. Maybe you don’t want to hurt him and you prefer that he realizes it little by little over time. In this way, to avoid saying that you want a separation in the couple, you decide to try to make time to be able to say it later. Even if you think you are doing the right thing, going to the temporary separation to leave someone is not. The person you are trying to distance yourself from may continue to have illusions, they do not grieve as they should and you are preventing them from rebuilding their life. If you really want to leave him/her, do it tactfully, but do it. Giving yourself time will only prolong the agony and make the breakup more traumatic.
2. Do you want to experiment with other people: Sometimes there are people who have been in a relationship for a long time and the monotony leads to boredom. With this, the desire to feel desired, the initial infatuation of a relationship or simply the fact of having sexual relations with other people can reappear. All these sensations are legal, but give yourself some time as a couple to feel like you’re not cheating is not the best option. Your partner will not stop feeling cheated if he finds out what happened when you return from this temporary separation ly perhaps your conscience will not be completely clear having acted knowing what you intended. If you want to experiment with other people, say it to their face (again tactfully and trying not to hurt your partner) and face the different options. You may be surprised by what it can tell you.
3. You are in love with another person: You are falling in love with someone and you want to start a relationship with him/her but you don’t dare to break up with your partner because you don’t know if you will make the wrong choice. In that scenario it is not advisable either. put distance with your current partner It is unfair for your partner to wait while you try to see what happens. Once again your thing is to face the situation and say what is happening. You will break up and perhaps you will lose him/her forever, but at least you will have moved on. And maybe if the other thing doesn’t work, you may have an option to return.
4. You want to solve problems within the relationship: Give yourself some time as a couple It does not serve to solve those problems you are currently going through. In fact, taking time alone is a band-aid that will not magically make these conflicts resolve themselves. In these cases, you should talk to your partner and try to work on what is wrong. set the time in between will not solve what you want to be fixed in your link. Only through communication and sincerity can you make your relationship completely healthy.
5. To let him miss you: Sometimes people in a relationship feel neglected. For this reason, it is decided give yourself some time as a couple If a man asks you for time or if a woman asks you for time to miss her, this is a clear sign that there is an emotional dependency within the relationship or that there is a lack of communication. You must keep in mind that this step does not help to recover a worn-out relationship.

To the walk away from someone so they miss you, the person who has decided to take some time will not find the solution to their problem. The best thing if you have that feeling is to communicate it with the other party or go to a couples therapist.

When can taking time be useful?

On the contrary, there are some emotional and psychological situations in which it can be beneficial. give yourself time in a relationship Mainly, psychologists highlight the following.

1. Take time to clarify feelings: It can be beneficial for the relationship if you both agree that you need some time to reflect. It must be a solution after multiple unsuccessful attempts at being together. When there are many discussions that cannot be resolved or when, on the contrary, there is no discussion but the relationship is in a flat encephalogram, it may be a good time to talk about give yourself some time Of course, that time has to be more or less measured and agreed upon: how long, degree of contact, if you have children in common, how it is going to be done and what you are going to say to the children, what is allowed and what is not. at that time, etc. The objective should be to reflect What is missed and what is more in the relationship, what is good and bad about it, what do you want to change, what can be changed, if you want to continue or on the contrary would you prefer to be without the other person, etc. For giving yourself time to work, apart from what is agreed upon, it has to be taken with maturity.
2. Wanting time to work on yourself: There are people who perhaps start a relationship and are not mentally prepared to assume the responsibility it entails. On the other hand, some people need put distance within a relationship to be able to work on an aspect that is failing within themselves. In these cases, a temporary separation may be well justified and beneficial to both parties.
3. Heal wounds: Another of the most common situations is trying take some time to heal wounds that have arisen within the relationship. In these cases, especially after infidelity, it is good to take time not only to heal these wounds, but also to know if you really want to continue with the relationship.
4. Stressful situations: Some people need to take time in a relationship to face the pain that certain bad situations can cause them. For example, if a person is suffering from very serious depression or is grieving, it may even be advisable to temporary separation
5. Achieve goals: On other occasions, people ask for take some time to be able to achieve or work more on their own goals. In these cases, putting distance can be very effective to focus on something that will improve the relationship because you have achieved a goal.

As we can see giving yourself time as a couple is according to psychology something advisable depending on the situation. Therefore, if you are thinking about taking this step and asking for a temporary separation, you must be sure of what your objective behind it is.

How many couples come back after taking time out?

It’s normal that If a woman asks you for time or if a man It takes time for you to have this doubt. In these cases you should think that if a person has suggested putting distance in your relationship it is because things were not going as well as you thought. Therefore, it is essential that you reflect on the reason for this temporary separation and decide to take care of your mental health to take advantage of this process.

In response to this question, the majority of couples who return after a while They do it because they have known how to heal themselves or heal the wounds within the relationship. Therefore, the only thing you can do to make this arise is to work on yourself.

How to act when they ask for space or you want to ask for it?

There are a series of steps you can follow if you don’t know what to do. if your partner asks you for time or if you want a temporary separation. When taking time in the relationship, it is important to clarify the following points.

• Logistical factors: Aspects like who moves and who stays are important. There is no right way to do it, but it should be something you both agree on and it does as little harm as possible to both of you. For example, if one of the two has family to turn to and the other has no one who can take him in, perhaps the one who has resources should give in.
• The amount of time required: A few weeks is not enough time in most cases. Generally, it takes at least a couple of months to properly assess the situation. In any case, you don’t have to be square. It is best to set a minimum for put distance and from there decide if more is needed or not. If you are already clear about it but the other person is not yet, you will have to wait.
• Avoid contact as much as possible: Useless give yourself some time if you don’t stop talking on the phone or texting each other on WhatsApp. Taking time has to involve physical distance and also zero contact (or what is essential). If there are children involved it will be more difficult, but when you talk, try to only talk about things related to the minors and not about the relationship. It is a period of reflection and if you do not respect it, perhaps this period was of no use, it may be prolonged or the result may not be correct.
• Talk to your children: If you have children together, it is better to explain what is happening adapted to the age of the child. Thus, you can say something like: “we need to distance ourselves a little to think about our relationship, but it will be for a while and don’t worry, we will continue to be the same with you, you will never lack a father or a mother. We are not separating but we are evaluating whether we will do it or not.

Once this is done, it is necessary to stay and express with the utmost respect the reflections of the couple that have been taken out, either to resume the relationship (with a series of changes, of course) or to break up permanently. Remember that these types of measures must be therapeutic and productive, so try to respect the other person until the end.