Irvin David Yalom is a psychotherapist, professor of psychiatry at Stanford University and writer of novels in which he fuses literary fiction with the principles of various psychological theories or the daily life that experts in this branch can experience, but with a fantastic touch.
In this compilation of Irvin David Yalom’s phrases you will find several interesting reflections that serve as inspiration and help you understand this author’s philosophy of life.
To learn more about the career and life of this psychologist and writer, we bring you a compilation of phrases and reflections by Irvin Yalom.
1. Each person must choose how much truth they can handle.
Not everyone is willing to hear the truth.
2. To love means to be actively concerned about the life and growth of another.
Love is to help us overcome ourselves, not keep us tied down.
3. It is easier, much easier, to obey another than to command oneself.
Why do we tend to please others and not ourselves?
4. In order to have a relationship with another person, one must have a relationship with oneself.
If you are not happy with who you are, you will not be able to be happy with someone else.
5. It is easier to deal with a bad reputation than a bad conscience.
Very few people are capable of listening to their conscience.
6. The truth is accessed – Nietzsche continued – through disbelief and skepticism, not through the childish desire for something to happen.
Truth is the result of what we seek to resolve our ignorance.
7. I have reduced my obligations to only one: perpetuate my freedom.
Freedom is being able to do what we love in our lives.
8. You must choose between convenience and true research!
Not everyone is able to see reality because it can be very cruel.
9. You must be ready to burn in your own flame. How could you become new if you had not previously turned into ashes.
We cannot achieve true success if we do not learn from our mistakes.
10. Marriage and its train of possession and jealousy enslave the spirit.
A marriage without love and commitment is the same as a prison.
11. To build children, you must first be built yourself. Otherwise you will look for children out of animal needs, or out of loneliness, or to patch up the holes in yourself.
Having children to fill some kind of void will not allow you to form a stable family.
12. Loneliness only exists in solitude. When it is shared, it evaporates.
Loneliness is that space of despair and discomfort with ourselves.
13. If you want to choose the joy of growing up, be prepared for some pain.
When we suffer we learn things that we cannot know any other way.
14. The pain is there, when you close a door, knock to enter another side.
We can’t avoid pain, but we can choose how we react to it.
15. Only the wounded healer can truly heal.
We heal completely when we accept what happened and are able to leave it behind.
16. We become strangers.
Part of growing up is leaving behind those people who do not walk the same path as you.
17. It is not the truth that is sacred, but the search for our own truth! Is there any act more sacred than self-inquiry.
When we know ourselves completely, we are able to fight for what we want, no matter what others say.
18. True election, complete election, can only flourish under the radiance of truth.
Remember that any choice you make can change your future.
19. Trust in God is not a choice for a man. It is not a human choice, but the search for an illusion external to us.
There are those who cling to their beliefs so as not to take responsibility for their actions.
20. Tell me about dying at the right time. – Live while you live!
Instead of giving so much importance to death, we should put all our strength into living.
21. I hate those who steal my solitude without offering me true company in return.
The perfect explanation for ‘it is better to be alone than in bad company’.
22. I need magic. I can’t live in black and white.
Each person lives their life the way they perceive the world.
23. The anguish of death is the mother of all religions that, in one way or another, try to temper the anguish of our finitude.
A reflection on that eternal punishment or reward after death that is explained in all religions.
24. I should have become an I before I became a we.
If you are not okay with yourself, your problems will affect your life as a couple.
25. The less lived your life is, the greater your anxiety about death.
Only those who do not do what they love are the ones who fear death the most.
26. In that letter I said that there was a basic division among men: those who aspire to spiritual peace, for whom happiness lies in believing and embracing faith; and those who seek the truth, who put aside peace of mind and dedicate their lives to research.
Two types of people and their choices to live.
27. There are those who cannot loosen their own chains and yet they can free their friends.
It happens when people do not believe they deserve happiness, unlike their friends, who deserve it all.
28. We are all creatures of one day; both the one who remembers and the remembered.
It is the present we live in, not the past or the future.
29. Imagining endings can help us face the present with more vitality.
Analyzing the possible destinations that await you helps you make better decisions.
30. All actions are self-directed, all service is selfish, all love is selfish.
We are selfish by nature because we always expect something in return for what we do.
31. I dream of a love that is more than two people longing to possess each other.
Love is not possession, it is sharing the freedom to create a new world.
32. Someday soon, maybe forty years from now, there will be no one alive who has known me. That’s when I will be truly dead, when I exist in no memory.
When no one remembers us anymore, is that when we will really be dead?
33. Look out the other’s window. Try to see the world as your patient sees you.
The secret behind therapeutic sessions.
34. Many people’s death anxiety is fueled… by the disappointment of never having reached their potential.
It is knowing that our time is limited and we have not done what we have always wanted.
35. Each person is the owner of their own death. And each one had to face it as they saw fit.
Death is a personal experience and everyone has their own way of seeing it.
36. Sooner or later she had to give up hope for a better past.
Giving up the desired past that we did not have allows us to pursue a better future.
37. Love is a way of being, a giving, not a falling in love, a way of relating in general, not an act limited to a single person.
We can love in thousands of ways, not just as romantic love.
38. When we become orphans, there is no one between us and the grave.
A reflection on not having anyone else around us to remember us.
39. One thing that is clear to me is that it is important not to let your life get the better of you.
If we let things pass us by, we are actually letting them lose.
40. Dissect your motives in greater depth. You will discover that no one has ever done anything entirely for others.
Before you focus on someone else, try to work on yourself.
41. The evidence supporting the effectiveness of group therapy and the prevailing sentiment in the mental health profession is strong enough that it is difficult to defend the appropriateness of the inpatient unit that attempted to operate without a small group program.
It is always easier to face something or heal if you share it with someone who understands your situation.
42. Self-awareness is a supreme gift, a treasure as precious as life. This is what makes us human.
It is what differentiates us from other species, our ability to know how to act and understand others.
43. It takes chaos and frenzy within you to give birth to a dancing star.
All the noise that disturbs us inside can be a great source of inspiration.
44. Although the stones cannot hear or see, they all sadly beg not to be forgotten.
Memory is what makes us immortal.
45. Not taking possession of your life project is letting your existence be an accident.
The importance of creating an action plan for our future.
46. More in love with desire than with what is desired.
There are things we want to have and when we have them, they lose their attractiveness.
47. Death, however, stings. It itches all the time. She is always with us, scratching at some interior door.
We all think about death at some point.
48. To the extent that one is responsible for one’s life, one is alone.
You will see that not everyone around you will always be there, when you decide to improve for yourself.
49. Now I believe that fears are not born from darkness; Rather, fears are like stars: always there, but obscured by the brightness of daylight.
Fears live within us, the important thing is that they do not dominate us.
50. Life as a therapist is a life of service in which we daily transcend our personal desires and transform our focus on the needs and growth of others.
His experience as a therapist and what it means to him.
51. I must avoid being one of those who are called good because they have no claws.
There are those who disguise themselves as kind to obtain personal benefit.
52. Consciousness is just a translucent film that covers existence: the triune eye sees through it, glimpsing primitive forces, instincts, the true engine of the will to power.
An interpretation of what consciousness means.
53. All vision is relative, as is all knowledge. We invent our experiences. And what we invent we can destroy.
We can change the way we see the world.
54. Our existence is forever shadowed by the knowledge that we will grow, flourish, and inevitably decay and die.
A reflection on why we focus more on the fact that one day we will die instead of enjoying the life we have now.
55. I do not leave any personal views on religion because I want to take away something that offers comfort to the patient. I never want to take something away from you when I have nothing better to offer you somehow.
Sometimes a person’s religion is their way of expressing the hopes they have.
56. Life is a spark between two identical voids, the darkness before birth and the darkness after death.
A spark that we expand as we grow.
57. Isn’t it the job of a good father to allow his children to leave home?
A good father is one who teaches his children to be independent.
58. Death loses its terror when one dies, when one has consummated his life.
At the exact moment when we leave, we leave our ties behind.
59. There are borders and there are borders. Labels make people violent.
When you’re cornered your whole life, it’s hard to aspire to anything other than being aggressive.
60. Despair is the price one pays for self-awareness. Look deeply into life and you will always find despair.
The more we understand how the world is run, the hopelessness grows.
61. If we climb high enough we will reach a height from which tragedy will no longer seem tragic.
Tragedy loses its impact when there are more happy moments that fill us.
62. Dying is hard. I have always felt that the ultimate reward of the dead is to never die again!
To live forever in the minds of those they loved or touched in some way or another.
63. One becomes one’s own father or remains the eternal son.
If you choose to be independent or be dependent on someone else.
64. Many people are desperate because their dreams have not come true, and they become even more desperate because they have not come true.
An infinite loop of despair that does not allow us to look for a way out.
65. The time is about to come when you will have forgotten everything; and the time is about to come when everyone will have forgotten about you.
Sooner or later everything comes to an end.
66. It is wrong to have children out of necessity, it is wrong to use a child to alleviate loneliness, it is wrong to provide a purpose in life by reproducing another copy of oneself,
That will only create a chain of harm and pain for future generations.
67. I wonder who that person is for me. Whose death will make me truly dead?
Who will be the last person to remember us?
68. Everything is ephemeral: both memory and the object of memory.
Things come and go, no matter how long they last.
69. Reality is not something that is available on the outside but something that each of us constructs, or manufactures, to a significant degree.
Reality is what we understand about the world we see.
70. Life is a miserable thing. I have decided to spend my life thinking about it.
Each person decides how they see their life.
71. Always think that soon you will be nobody and you will not be anywhere.
Accepting our death should lead us to focus on enjoying our life.
72. Now you must learn to face your life and have the courage to say: “This is how I chose it.” A man’s spirit is built based on his decisions.
With everything you choose, you must assume the consequences of this.
73. Depth is often the starting point for overcoming death anxiety.
A way to remove the fear of dying.
74. Mature love is loving, not being loved.
Do you agree with this idea?
75. If one does not live at the right time, then he can never die at the right time.
Those who do not live their lives to the fullest will not be able to rest in peace.
76. I am listening. Sometimes I see better with my eyes closed.
Our eyes often deceive us, which is why we must learn to listen.
77. One of the main functions of a friend is to suffer, in a sweeter and more symbolic way, the punishments that we would like and cannot inflict on our enemies.
Do our friends pay for the anger we feel?
78. Do not argue: you will lose; and even if you win, you will lose.
We always have to know who to confront and the moments when it is better to remain silent.
79. Such a choice, the choice of another for the supernatural, is always debilitating. It always makes a man less than he is.
The power inflicted by our mystical beliefs.
80. You become who you are, and how can you discover who and what you are without the truth?
You can’t become who you want to be if you don’t know yourself completely.
81. Our responsibility in life is to create the superior, not reproduce the inferior.
We must try to improve and not fall behind.
82. Someday soon, perhaps forty years from now, there will be no one alive who has known me. That’s when I’ll be truly dead, when I don’t exist in anyone’s memory.
Is true death no longer being remembered?
83. In a study we did on grief, we discovered that a fairly impressive number of widows and widowers had not simply returned to their pre-loss functioning, but had cultivated it.
People are never the same after facing loss.
84. Whether I live long or short, I am alive now, in this moment.
Time does not matter, but what we do in it.
85. Caring for another individual means knowing and experiencing the other as fully as possible.
A deep relationship that only continues to grow.
86. The obsession with love often serves as a distraction, keeping the individual’s gaze from more painful thoughts.
Being eternally in love prevents real commitment from being created in a relationship and breaking it with any difficulties that arise.
87. Therapists have a double function: they must observe and participate in the lives of their patients
The work that therapists engage in.
88. I flourish for my own good, because it pleases me, and not for the good of others. My joy consists of my being and my flourishing.
Improve for you and for you, not thinking about others.
89. We delight not only in our patient’s growth, but also in the ripple effect: the healthy influence our patients have on those they touch in life.
The favorable result that every specialist wants to achieve with their patients.
90. The desire to put yourself in the hands of God is not the truth. It is nothing more than a childish wish.
One of Nietchze’s main and most deeply rooted ideas.
91. It is easier to avoid something when one is told it from the outside than when it arises from the depths of one’s own being.
We tend to listen to the opinions of others more than our own voice.
92. If we are not able to embrace our own loneliness, we will use others as a shield against our loneliness.
The danger of seeing loneliness as something negative.
93. As long as there is ignorance there will be adherence to superstition. Dispelling ignorance is the only solution.
Ignorance is the evil that creates harmful preconceptions for everyone.
94. The past is part of your present consciousness; it forms the spectacles through which you experience the present.
We should never ignore the past but we should not cling to it either.
95. Creating oneself is a source of great pride, but it also creates a feeling of having no foundation.
There is nothing wrong with focusing on our own growth.
96. When a man is prey to his emotions he is not master of himself, but is at the mercy of fortune.
About how necessary it is to learn to manage our emotions.
97. If you kill God, you must also leave the shelter of the temple.
You can’t leave something but need to return.
98. I love what makes us more than we are!
We all have the ability to be better versions of who we are now.
99. I believe that, although illusion often brings joy and comfort, in the end it invariably weakens and constrains the spirit.
When we cling to a lie we are not able to move forward on our own.
100. The more you fail to experience your life fully, the more you will fear death.
The real reason why death is a constant threat.
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