Stable human relationships are based on the establishment of codes and norms agreed upon by people; This allows us to achieve an exchange of information and forms of mutual support in which both parties benefit.
Furthermore, the closer the relationship is, the more important it is that we are able to establish that bi-directionality and symmetry in terms of consensus and agreements on what each of the parties contributes.
However, in the case of couple relationships, this contrasts with certain conceptions of romantic love that lead us to see as something desirable that each person be able to sacrifice themselves for the other without establishing any type of limit, something that can lead to very easy for the appearance of toxic dynamics or can even facilitate the appearance of cases of abuse that last a long time. The truth is In every courtship and marriage there must be non-negotiable aspects
In the field of couple relationships, these codes, limits or agreements are essential so that the relationship lasts over time and does not end up deteriorating due to repeated non-compliance with them.
One of the essential elements that cannot be missing in any relationship are the non-negotiable aspects, that is, a series of limits that have to do with coexistence, a healthy relationship or the daily dynamics between two people who respect each other and do not. They violate the dignity of the other.
There are many non-negotiable aspects in a relationship that contribute to improving its status and establishing stronger and more lasting bonds between people. Below we will see the most relevant and generalized non-negotiable aspects, the non-compliance of which should not be allowed and even less normalized.
Emotional blackmail is a form of psychological violence that consists of a manipulation by the person who exercises it to achieve anything and that should never be tolerated in a relationship.
Emotional blackmail is common in toxic or abusive relationships and is based on requesting something from someone using fear, obligation or guilt as mechanisms for this request to be satisfied.
This dynamic must be completely eliminated from the relationship and if the person does not agree to end the emotional blackmail of any kind, we must cut it off as soon as possible.
2. Lack of intense jealousy that leads to control of the other person
Jealousy is not tolerable in any healthy relationship, especially if it results in negative and abusive practices such as control of the other person, emotional blackmail, and psychological or physical violence. Where there is jealousy, it should be seen as a problem of the person who suffers it, not of the person who could become controlled by the other
Healthy relationships are based on trust, love and freedom, three essential elements that make a couple’s life enriched daily and without which it could not function.
Jealousy has no place in a relationship, especially if it is excessive or unhealthy. In addition to that, they tend to be an indicator of insecurities or problems of all kinds on the part of the person who feels them.
3. Do not cut off friendship or family relationships “as a sacrifice”
Some people control their partners to the point of supervising or managing their own social relationships, even deciding who they can or cannot hang out with.
This causes that in many abusive relationships, the abuser prevents his partner from seeing his closest friends or family, and does not let them spend quality time with them, which causes great discomfort in the victim and problems with their mental health. This behavior is totally unacceptable and should not be tolerated by anyone, even if it comes from one’s own partner.
4. Absence of constant disrespect
Respect is the basis of any relationship between human beings and the starting point on which healthy, beneficial and satisfying interactions are built between two people who love each other and want to share their lives. There, a person does not respect the couple, there is a strategy to undermine their self-esteem and make them adopt a submissive role
If a relationship lacks respect for one or both parties, it is difficult for it to prosper in the future and it is more common for conflicts and disputes to occur more frequently.
When respect is lost in a relationship, the season is opened for all types of harmful and painful behaviors to appear that can seriously harm the people involved and even bring about situations of abuse.
5. Empathy in important decisions
Empathy is the ability to put yourself in the other person’s shoes and identify possible problems, needs or shortcomings that the other person may have. It is one of the most important social skills that exist.
It is important to be clear that without empathy we cannot be in a healthy relationship, since the other person will not be able to understand our needs, pain, concerns, preferences or aspirations in life.
6. Sincerity
Sincerity is another of the most important aspects that must always prevail in a relationship and this consists of the quality of expressing oneself and always acting with the truth as an essential value
Sincerity also has to do very specifically with being yourself at all times and always presenting yourself to your partner as we are, without artifices or masks.
Sincere people always tell the truth, express their feelings, always act as they are and never lie to their partners. That is why this should be another of the non-negotiable aspects in a relationship; Lack of sincerity usually leads to some form of emotional (or even consummated) infidelity.
7. Freedom
As mentioned previously, freedom is one of the essential values that must govern any relationship, and this is based on the fact that each of its members must have the ability to make your own decisions without any external coercion or supervision
Those relationships in which one of the members restricts the freedom of their partner cannot be very long-lasting, since there is a situation of submission or violence and they must be ended as soon as possible by the victim.
8. Fidelity
Even in open or polyamorous relationships, infidelity can occur, and that there is always a certain degree of commitment linked to intimacy Fidelity is another of the non-negotiable aspects that must always reign in a couple and the lack of it must mean breaking it up as soon as possible.
A faithful person is one who is permanently and honestly committed to their partner in all aspects of the relationship. In addition to that, fidelity also has to do with always supporting your partner and doing everything possible to improve their life to the extent that one can.
Are you looking for professional psychological assistance?
If you are interested in starting a psychotherapy process focused on the individual or, on the contrary, you want to go to couples therapy, contact me.
Am Ester Fernandez psychologist and coach, and I can assist you in person or online by video call.
